PDA

View Full Version : The 2026-2027 NFL Season in Review (satire)


alittlejazzbird
01-19-2007, 08:45 PM
Friday, January 19, 2007
The 2026-2027 NFL Season in Review
By Ryan Day

Another year has passed into NFL history and the only thing more certain than death and taxes is that the Houston Texans will never be any good. In the nearly 30 years the city has reclaimed an NFL franchise, this organization has only slipped further and further away from its in-state rivals, the Dallas Cowboys.

The only explanation for this team's sixth straight season of 10 or more losses is a Red-Sox-type curse resulting from their trade of Hall of Fame quarterback David Carr, who went on to lead the Miami Dolphins to back-to-back Super Bowls nearly 20 years ago. If the Texans don't go at least .500 this season, I'm putting in my vote to have them relocate to Los Angeles and finally easing the fears of 31 other NFL cities that have been stressing over losing their team since the turn of the century.

Speaking of California: is it to anyone's surprise that the Oakland Raiders, who hold the record for most head coaching changes in the last two decades with 12, have collected a 72-288 record in that span? Mark Davis, learn from your father Al Davis' mistakes and stop with the constant pressure of your head coaches. Just look at the ownership of the Pittsburgh Steelers and their patience with head coach Ron Rivera. They're on only their third coach in the history of the franchise and notice where patience has gotten them: to a third Super Bowl appearance in the last 10 years and a championship ring on their fingers as recently as '25.

While we're on the subject of surprises, how about that rookie first-round wide receiver for the Detroit Lions? How many does that make it? Five in a row? How about this ... next time you have a first overall draft pick, don't pass up quarterback Brady Quinn, who is playing at a level that will make him a lock for the Hall of Fame, to trade down and add more picks.

You needed a franchise quarterback then and you need one now. It's difficult to think of the Brady Quinn-led Cleveland Browns as anything other than a constant Super Bowl contender, but I suppose that's what happens when one of the worst franchises in history passes up who is arguably one of the best quarterbacks in league history to draft a defensive end.

It's amazing to think that the city with the highest unemployment rate in America can still fill up a stadium every Sunday. (And it's only going to be on Sunday because back-to-back 4-12 seasons aren't putting you on Monday night any time soon.)

My predictions for the '27-'28 season?

1. Peyton Manning, Jr. will lose to Ryan Brady and the Pittsburgh Steelers for the third time in a row in the AFC Championship Hame by throwing three interceptions for the third time in a row and miss playing in the Super Bowl FOR THE THIRD TIME IN A ROW.

2. Marty Schottenheimer, the innovator of Martyball and later Anti-Martyball (and its cornerstone, the seven-wide receiver formation) will lead his San Diego Chargers to another successful season.

3. The city of Jacksonville will, once again, rally together in criticism of whoever their starting quarterback is and believe their backup gives them a better chance at winning.

4. The free agent pickup of 44-year-old quarterback Matt Leinart by the Baltimore Ravens will prove incredibly short-sighted and result only in them getting beat early in the playoffs.

5. Brett Favre, at 58, will not retire after this season.

Contents copyright ? Sports Central 1998-2006

Link: http://www.sports-central.org/sports/2007/01/19/the_20262027_nfl_season_in_review-print.php

Borski
01-19-2007, 09:14 PM
thats pretty cool, and pretty well detailed