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View Full Version : Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux


memphissteelergirl
02-05-2007, 12:13 PM
Hey all,

I was listening to "Prairie Home Companion" this weekend and they were doing a show on jokes-where listeners sent in jokes and puns. Garrison Keillor did a really funny skit on bad jokes, so it got me thinking about getting another bad jokes thread started. Here's one of them from the show.

One Sunday in a small town church Satan himself showed up...He came in a blaze of fire and brimstone to the screams and horror of everyone there.

"I am Beelzebub...Evil Incarnate!" he hissed at the peope, walking up and down the aisle "Your worst nightmare."

One old guy in the pews sat back with his arms folded, unimpressed. "You don't scare me, he sniffed."I've been married to your sister for the past 48 years!"

sumo
02-05-2007, 12:50 PM
Horse walks into a bar - the bartender says "hey, why the long face?"

memphissteelergirl
02-05-2007, 01:44 PM
From a speech of a retirement party for a pharmaceutical company's top laxative salesman:

"Joe was our top sales man, grossing over 3 million in laxative sales, yet he is just a regular guy."

Ba-dum-bump...:flap:

BOXCAR JOEY
02-06-2007, 08:04 AM
" a duck walks into a bar and orders drinks for the house... the bar tender asks, " how are you supposed to pay for this duck?" the duck says " just Put it on my bill"

worst joke ever

83-Steelers-43
02-06-2007, 08:17 AM
If h20 is inside a fire hydrant.. what's on the outside?

k9p.

memphissteelergirl
02-06-2007, 08:56 AM
Why did the urologist lose his medical license?

He got in trouble with his pee-rs!

lamberts-lost-tooth
02-06-2007, 10:07 AM
What do termites eat for breakfast?
Oakmeal

How does the queen bee get around her hive?
She's throne.

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

lamberts-lost-tooth
02-06-2007, 10:09 AM
...and my favorite "drunk" joke from college:


Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.

memphissteelergirl
02-06-2007, 02:59 PM
Did you hear about the guy who was diagnosed as psychoceramic? Yep, he was a real crackpot. !

Ba-dum-bump!

floodcitygirl
02-07-2007, 08:41 AM
A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law dies.

They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that it?ll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150.

The guy says, ?We?ll ship her home.?

The undertaker asks, ?Are you sure? That?s an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here.?

The guy says, ?Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can?t take that chance.?That's not a bad joke Lloyd...it's really pretty funny! :sofunny: :sofunny:

floodcitygirl
02-07-2007, 12:25 PM
LOL! Well.....Lloyd...that one fits the title of the thread better! Good job!

If you don't mind, I'm gonna use that mother in law joke though! :thumbsup:

tony hipchest
02-07-2007, 12:57 PM
a nurse asks the doctor why he has a thermometer behind his ear.

"dammit" he says, "some a$$holes got my pen!"

-------------------------------------
why did the condom fly across the room? because it was pissed off.

memphissteelergirl
02-07-2007, 03:59 PM
Bad? as in 'bad' or as in 'corny' ?

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan,you've seen Ahmal."

That one any better?? :wink02:


LOL....nice one! :thumbsup:


Now...a little tombstone humor: :tombstone

Here lies Lester Moore
Died from 4 slugs from a forty-four
No Les...No Moore

83-Steelers-43
02-09-2007, 07:11 AM
How do you know when you're staying in a Redneck hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

:toofunny:

A hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The husband jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready. The wife comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says, 'Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin.' The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father's house. When he gets there, his father says, 'Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon!' The son says, 'Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a virgin!' 'God, son! You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as heck isn't good enough for ours!'

BOXCAR JOEY
02-09-2007, 07:55 AM
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!