View Full Version : French Rifles

03-03-2007, 10:20 AM
Hey I am selling these WWII era french rifles. They are almost brand new...... Never fired and only dropped once.

03-03-2007, 10:38 AM
Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.

My all time favorites.............

Donald Rumsfeld was being heckled by a French anti-war weenie when he suddenly turned and asked the Frenchman:
"Excuse me. Do you speak German?" The Frenchman replied "No." Rumsfeld looked him in the eyes and said "You're welcome."

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac

A man asks his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"

03-03-2007, 09:09 PM
Hey I am selling these WWII era french rifles. They are almost brand new...... Never fired and only dropped once.

LOL.. I posted that one yesterday... http://forums.steelersfever.com/showthread.php?t=15374

03-03-2007, 09:10 PM
Got another one though...

You hear about the new french tanks? Unbeleivable transmissions.. 7 gears!

One gear for driving... six for reversing!

03-03-2007, 09:11 PM
Did you hear what happened in France yesterday?

A car backfired. Half of Paris surrenedered.

03-03-2007, 09:41 PM
Chuck Norris is so feirce that one time a episode of "Walker: Texas Ranger" aired in france, they surrendered just to play it on the safe side.

03-13-2007, 06:17 AM
Oh, you guys. :sofunny: You guys are terrible. :wink02: Though I think they deserve these from you all. :cheers:

03-17-2007, 08:06 AM
Heared it before. But heared it: Have 2 French Army Rifles for sale, only been laid down twice.

03-17-2007, 08:58 AM
Coming home on leave an American soldier was taking the last leg of his trip on the train. The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary soldier asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"

The American soldier didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

03-17-2007, 09:03 AM
Q: How many generations does it take to learn ingratitude?
A: Trois

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French division behind me."
---General George S. Patton

03-17-2007, 09:09 AM
George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Parisian sauna. Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound.

President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping stopped. The others looked curiously at him. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. "I have a microchip embedded under the skin of my forearm."

Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone ringing. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the ringing stopped. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. I have a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand.

"By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of low-tech. Without saying anything, he quickly scooted out of the sauna, but returned momentarily. When he returned, Bush and Blair both stared at him increduously.

It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Frenchman's posterior.

When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he feigned astonishment: "Marie sainte! I'm think I'm getting a fax."

03-17-2007, 02:58 PM
All of you:

:sofunny: :sofunny: :sofunny: :sofunny: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :sofunny: :sofunny: :sofunny: :sofunny:

06-06-2007, 10:50 AM
These are all great!!

06-06-2007, 03:23 PM
Oh... French... Well their lack of military skill is well known:

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."

Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War: Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.

War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".

French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.

War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.

06-06-2007, 03:25 PM

06-09-2007, 11:44 AM

Holy s#*t. :sofunny: Man, you do hate those sorry a$$ Frenchmen. :sofunny: LMAO. Thanks. Those are new to me.

06-11-2007, 04:54 AM

06-11-2007, 09:40 PM
haha thx Preach... we have to keep those French insults flying. Though i think this thread my hurt the success of the Steelers world thread lol

06-19-2007, 02:47 AM
Sorry Busforever. I hope you understand this is just harmless fun. :wave:

French are arriving at night. http://www.un.org/Depts/dpko/photos/unifil/unifil020H.htm

French forces are directing evacuations. http://www.un.org/Depts/dpko/photos/unifil/unifil05.htm

06-19-2007, 03:13 AM
Sorry Busforever. I hope you understand this is just harmless fun. :wave:

French are arriving at night. http://www.un.org/Depts/dpko/photos/unifil/unifil020H.htm

French forces are directing evacuations. http://www.un.org/Depts/dpko/photos/unifil/unifil05.htm

You know, in reality...

I am really sick and tired of cleaning up France's screwups all over the world. WW1... Bailed out France, WWII, bailed out France, Vietnam, French screw up that we had to go in behind and try to forestall communist forces, Iran, the overthrow of the shah, etc. is all tied in with France... thank you France, Let us not forget the French building of a nuclear factory in Iraq, which the Israeli's so graciously destroyed. Oh yeah... who can forget Syria... which was a French colony... Wasn't the Angola problem French at heart as well?

07-05-2007, 08:27 PM
Ha ha.................................... The French

07-06-2007, 09:06 AM
I still have those rifles for sale.... but now they have German boot prints on them hahaha

07-19-2007, 02:28 PM
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://ivman.com/images/FrenchArmyKnife.jpg&imgrefurl=http://ivman.com/fp-frknife.html&h=480&w=640&sz=17&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=RP5yv2ZJEPRD_M:&tbnh=103&tbnw=137&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dfrench%2Barmy%2Bknife%26gbv%3D2%26svn um%3D10%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG

07-19-2007, 02:40 PM
that is absolutely hilarious

08-16-2007, 11:19 AM
funny thing is I've seen the french army knife before, but it was a 4 foot tall inflatable gag

08-28-2007, 04:35 PM
How come the French want to tell us how to fight a war when theyve never won one.