PDA

View Full Version : Metrosexual Sports Conference


lamberts-lost-tooth
04-22-2007, 07:26 AM
Tom Brady is to meet with the representatives of ten elite liberal arts colleges today who will announce that they will form a new athletic conference in the hope of drawing automatic bids to the Bowl Championship Series and the NCAA March Madness basketball tournament for their high IQ student-athletes.

"The TV money's there for the taking," said Dr. Sumner Farmsworth, an internationally-known nuclear physicist who will be the league's first commissioner. "All we've got to do is field the teams and we can fund a tenure-track position and a new particle accelerator at every school. Tom Brady has been instrumental in broadening the horizons of some of our students, reminding them that athletisism is not the end-all in regards to sports"

The Metrosexual Conference will be composed of New York University, Brandeis University, the University of Chicago, Case Western Reserve, Washington University in St. Louis, the University of Pennsylvania, Carnegie-Mellon University, Reed College, Johns Hopkins and Georgetown. All are located in or near major urban areas, where the term "metrosexual" has come to refer to men with an orientation towards the arts and culture who are not necessarily gay.

Metrosexual League coaches say they won't be "in it to win it" and hope to instill more important values in their players. "Say we're down by five touchdowns to a Big Ten school with two minutes left," said Carnegie-Mellon quarterback coach and drama professor Patricia Highsmith-Jones. "Rather than throw some stupid, sectarian 'Hail Mary' pass I would like to see our guys reflect a little and maybe present a tableau vivant to the crowd on the futility of life and absurdity of the universe."

In keeping with Robert Frost's famous dictum that a liberal is a person too broad-minded to take his own side in a quarrel, cheerleaders for Metrosexual Conference schools will only cheer when their opponents score. "We need to be sensitive to the fact that our graduates will go on to earn a lot more money than kids at some of the cow colleges we'll be playing," said Highsmith-Jones. "When our opponents score, we'll yell, 'That's all right, that's okay--you're going to work for us someday!'"

NCAA officials promised to review the league's application carefully, but expressed concern that lowering the bar of athletic quality would encourage schools to engage in low-budget recruiting abuses. "Some of these kids with high SAT scores come from homes where a hardback edition of Dickens is a big deal," said Bob Saccomandi, an NCAA compliance officer. "Give them a cappucino and a ticket to a Belmondo flick and they feel like they got a muscle car and a freshman cheerleader for the weekend."

Livinginthe past
04-22-2007, 07:47 AM
I'd love to see this league take off, i've been convinced for many years that Brady was deliberately ignored by every NFL team (including the Patriots for 5 rounds) because of his love of the arts and the cowboy lifestyle.

I think it was pressure from ex-Commissioner Tagliabue (and self confessed part-time Ranch hand) on Robert Kraft that forced the Patriots hand in the 6th round.

This is one to keep an eye on

lamberts-lost-tooth
04-22-2007, 08:27 AM
I'd love to see this league take off, i've been convinced for many years that Brady was deliberately ignored by every NFL team (including the Patriots for 5 rounds) because of his love of the arts and the cowboy lifestyle.

I think it was pressure from ex-Commissioner Tagliabue (and self confessed part-time Ranch hand) on Robert Kraft that forced the Patriots hand in the 6th round.

This is one to keep an eye on

:sofunny: :sofunny: ....But now I'm confused...Does Tom drink cappucino..or Cowboy Coffee..that "dont need as much water as you think it do!"

Livinginthe past
04-22-2007, 08:32 AM
:sofunny: :sofunny: ....But now I'm confused...Does Tom drink cappucino..or Cowboy Coffee..that "dont need as much water as you think it do!"

Actually Tom swings both ways when it comes to the cowboy coffee/cappucino conundrum - when in public he has to endorse the Cowboy lifestyle - drinking coffee, in a Stetson..wearing Stetson.

When he visits close friend and Seattle native Deion Branch he likes to 'blend' in with the general population and drink Cappucino.

Jeremy
04-22-2007, 11:52 AM
I'd love to see this league take off, i've been convinced for many years that Brady was deliberately ignored by every NFL team (including the Patriots for 5 rounds) because of his love of the arts and the cowboy lifestyle.

I think it was pressure from ex-Commissioner Tagliabue (and self confessed part-time Ranch hand) on Robert Kraft that forced the Patriots hand in the 6th round.

This is one to keep an eye on

Come again.

Stillers#1
04-22-2007, 02:45 PM
:sofunny: :sofunny: ....But now I'm confused...Does Tom drink cappucino..or Cowboy Coffee..that "dont need as much water as you think it do!"

I do know one thing...Brady just can't quit Belichek.

memphissteelergirl
04-23-2007, 12:57 PM
Tom Brady is to meet with the representatives of ten elite liberal arts colleges today who will announce that they will form a new athletic conference in the hope of drawing automatic bids to the Bowl Championship Series and the NCAA March Madness basketball tournament for their high IQ student-athletes.

"The TV money's there for the taking," said Dr. Sumner Farmsworth, an internationally-known nuclear physicist who will be the league's first commissioner. "All we've got to do is field the teams and we can fund a tenure-track position and a new particle accelerator at every school. Tom Brady has been instrumental in broadening the horizons of some of our students, reminding them that athletisism is not the end-all in regards to sports"

The Metrosexual Conference will be composed of New York University, Brandeis University, the University of Chicago, Case Western Reserve, Washington University in St. Louis, the University of Pennsylvania, Carnegie-Mellon University, Reed College, Johns Hopkins and Georgetown. All are located in or near major urban areas, where the term "metrosexual" has come to refer to men with an orientation towards the arts and culture who are not necessarily gay.

Metrosexual League coaches say they won't be "in it to win it" and hope to instill more important values in their players. "Say we're down by five touchdowns to a Big Ten school with two minutes left," said Carnegie-Mellon quarterback coach and drama professor Patricia Highsmith-Jones. "Rather than throw some stupid, sectarian 'Hail Mary' pass I would like to see our guys reflect a little and maybe present a tableau vivant to the crowd on the futility of life and absurdity of the universe."

In keeping with Robert Frost's famous dictum that a liberal is a person too broad-minded to take his own side in a quarrel, cheerleaders for Metrosexual Conference schools will only cheer when their opponents score. "We need to be sensitive to the fact that our graduates will go on to earn a lot more money than kids at some of the cow colleges we'll be playing," said Highsmith-Jones. "When our opponents score, we'll yell, 'That's all right, that's okay--you're going to work for us someday!'"

NCAA officials promised to review the league's application carefully, but expressed concern that lowering the bar of athletic quality would encourage schools to engage in low-budget recruiting abuses. "Some of these kids with high SAT scores come from homes where a hardback edition of Dickens is a big deal," said Bob Saccomandi, an NCAA compliance officer. "Give them a cappucino and a ticket to a Belmondo flick and they feel like they got a muscle car and a freshman cheerleader for the weekend."



ROTFL! :toofunny: :toofunny: Hoo, boy!! That's a good one, LLT! Ya had me goin' there for a minute! :sofunny: :sofunny:

(Uh, this is a joke right? Uh...right? Is it? :nervous: )

Livinginthe past
04-24-2007, 01:53 AM
ROTFL! :toofunny: :toofunny: Hoo, boy!! That's a good one, LLT! Ya had me goin' there for a minute! :sofunny: :sofunny:

(Uh, this is a joke right? Uh...right? Is it? :nervous: )

Its narrow mindedness like this post that has put the formation of the MSC so far behind schedule - only now are the first firm details coming out.

Personally, I think they should erect a a tribute to Tom Brady in playing such an integral part in these important events - they could do a statue too!

MSC will be great, although I hear that the first logistical problem has cropped up - every player wants to reaffirm his unique identity and is refusing to wear even the same colors as his teammate - hopefully something can be sorted out.

tony hipchest
04-24-2007, 02:03 AM
Personally, I think they should erect a a tribute to Tom Brady in playing such an integral part in these important events - they could do a statue too!

.

:chuckle:

ok. who are you outsourcing your 1 liners to?

lamberts-lost-tooth
04-24-2007, 04:30 AM
Its narrow mindedness like this post that has put the formation of the MSC so far behind schedule - only now are the first firm details coming out.

Personally, I think they should erect a a tribute to Tom Brady in playing such an integral part in these important events - they could do a statue too!

MSC will be great, although I hear that the first logistical problem has cropped up - every player wants to reaffirm his unique identity and is refusing to wear even the same colors as his teammate - hopefully something can be sorted out.

...That and no sane metrosexual would wear the "traditional" white football pants past labor day.

Livinginthe past
04-24-2007, 08:00 AM
:chuckle:

ok. who are you outsourcing your 1 liners to?

Ok I admit it, I have a team of Metrosexual artists working directly under me pumping out good material 8 hours a day.

They give me the information to study until I know it like the back of my hand.

Crushzilla
04-24-2007, 09:09 AM
I think its a good idea...

It will give some of the coaches an opprotunity to work out their "Delicate Flower" blitz scheme...

memphissteelergirl
04-24-2007, 12:50 PM
Its narrow mindedness like this post that has put the formation of the MSC so far behind schedule.


:flap: :flap: :flap:

Geez...no one appreciates good sarcasm anymore.

Livinginthe past
04-25-2007, 01:39 AM
:flap: :flap: :flap:

Geez...no one appreciates good sarcasm anymore.

Damn straight :wink02: