PDA

View Full Version : Training the Untrainable!!!


lamberts-lost-tooth
05-02-2007, 10:14 AM
Well...after FIVE non-productive weeks of trying to teach my latest trainee how to be a police dispatcher...the Administrative Gods finally decided that "this job isnt for you". (No kidding?:dang: )

I have got to tell you all that I am very relieved to put the daily frustration and "proximity migraines" behind me. Please allow me to share some of her proudest moments.

Caller: "Uh..yea...my neighbor is fighting with his girfriend and she is screaming at him
Trainee: "Okay...are they male or female"?


Caller: "Could someone call Animal Control for me...I have lost my black lab"
Trainee: "Sure..Maam. You said it was a black lab"?
Caller: "Yes"
Trainee: "Okay...we will have Animal Control call you back"........(Trainee then hangs up phone wothout gettng the callers name...address..or phone number:dang: )

Caller: "I locked my keys in my car"
Trainee: "Okay we can have an officer help you...but I have a couple of questions...Do you have power steering"? (We do ask if it is power locks....I could car less if they have power steering:banging: )

Caller: "My aunt has asthma..and she is having a little bit of a problem breathing"
Trainee: "Okay......whats the problem?"
Caller: "My Aunt has asthma ...she is having some problems breathing"
Trainee: "I am going to have an ambulance sent to your address...but could you tell me if she is breathing okay"
Caller: "No!...she has asthma!!"
Trainee: "You have asthma?...and are having problems breathing?"
Caller: "MY AUNT has asthma...my AUNT...not me!!"
Trainee: OH...Okay...are you with your Aunt now?"
Caller: "Maam?...how would I know my aunt has a problem if I wasnt with her?"

Officer: "P-23 to dispatch"
Trainee: "P-23 to dispatch..go ahead
Officer: "...........P-23 to dispatch ...I'm P-23....you are the dispatch."
Trainee: (pause)...Dispatch to P-23...10-4"

Officer: P-45 to dispatch..do you have the return on that vehicle?"
Trainee: "10-4...return is clear and valid to a Carlos Monte"
Officer: "P-45 to dispatch...I dont think that is a name....are you sure thats not the make of the car"
Trainee: "uh...yea..10-4...clear valid on a 1994 Monte Carlo"

Anyone else ever had "that trainee" that made you wish you could drink something stronger than coffee?

Crushzilla
05-02-2007, 10:18 AM
:toofunny: :toofunny: :toofunny:

HAHAHAHAHAHA

PLEASE get in touch with MGM or someone... this NEEDS to be a movie

83-Steelers-43
05-02-2007, 10:21 AM
Sounds like a Reno 911 skit.

Trainee = Deputy Trudy Wiegel

fansince'76
05-02-2007, 10:22 AM
Very funny - by the way, did the person who locked their keys in their car ever hear of a locksmith? Hardly a nine-one-one-worthy situation.

augustashark
05-02-2007, 10:49 AM
Well...after FIVE non-productive weeks of trying to teach my latest trainee how to be a police dispatcher...the Administrative Gods finally decided that "this job isnt for you". (No kidding?:dang: )

I have got to tell you all that I am very relieved to put the daily frustration and "proximity migraines" behind me. Please allow me to share some of her proudest moments.

Caller: "Uh..yea...my neighbor is fighting with his girfriend and she is screaming at him
Trainee: "Okay...are they male or female"?


Caller: "Could someone call Animal Control for me...I have lost my black lab"
Trainee: "Sure..Maam. You said it was a black lab"?
Caller: "Yes"
Trainee: "Okay...we will have Animal Control call you back"........(Trainee then hangs up phone wothout gettng the callers name...address..or phone number:dang: )

Caller: "I locked my keys in my car"
Trainee: "Okay we can have an officer help you...but I have a couple of questions...Do you have power steering"? (We do ask if it is power locks....I could car less if they have power steering:banging: )

Caller: "My aunt has asthma..and she is having a little bit of a problem breathing"
Trainee: "Okay......whats the problem?"
Caller: "My Aunt has asthma ...she is having some problems breathing"
Trainee: "I am going to have an ambulance sent to your address...but could you tell me if she is breathing okay"
Caller: "No!...she has asthma!!"
Trainee: "You have asthma?...and are having problems breathing?"
Caller: "MY AUNT has asthma...my AUNT...not me!!"
Trainee: OH...Okay...are you with your Aunt now?"
Caller: "Maam?...how would I know my aunt has a problem if I wasnt with her?"

Officer: "P-23 to dispatch"
Trainee: "P-23 to dispatch..go ahead
Officer: "...........P-23 to dispatch ...I'm P-23....you are the dispatch."
Trainee: (pause)...Dispatch to P-23...10-4"

Officer: P-45 to dispatch..do you have the return on that vehicle?"
Trainee: "10-4...return is clear and valid to a Carlos Monte"
Officer: "P-45 to dispatch...I dont think that is a name....are you sure thats not the make of the car"
Trainee: "uh...yea..10-4...clear valid on a 1994 Monte Carlo"

Anyone else ever had "that trainee" that made you wish you could drink something stronger than coffee?


I don't want to get into a "are women as smart as a man" debate.............but I knew before I got to this point in your post that the person you were training was a lady.:sofunny:

PisnNapalm
05-02-2007, 11:13 AM
Just... wow... Please thank your administrator for removing that incompetent goof from such an important public service role. Perhaps a job in the cafeteria would better suit this person. "Do you want fries with that?"

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-02-2007, 11:28 AM
Just... wow... Please thank your administrator for removing that incompetent goof from such an important public service role. Perhaps a job in the cafeteria would better suit this person. "Do you want fries with that?"

OH NO...dont want her ANYWHERE near food...or sharp utensils....or children...or pets...or motorized vehicles.....or heavy machinery....or crayons (dont ask)....or alcohol....or firearms...etc...

PisnNapalm
05-02-2007, 11:33 AM
Ok I gotta ask... Why not near crayons? LOL

MACH1
05-02-2007, 11:47 AM
Let me guess, blond :toofunny:

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-02-2007, 12:03 PM
Let me guess, blond :toofunny:

Give that man a cookie!!!!!!!!!!

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-02-2007, 12:08 PM
Ok I gotta ask... Why not near crayons? LOL

...nasty story ....ends with the death of a mule...and two midgets.

PisnNapalm
05-02-2007, 12:14 PM
Let me guess, blond :toofunny:

Hey now... I'm blond and I bet I could handle the job. Of course I also have a Y chromosome which negates the blond effect.

Jeremy
05-02-2007, 12:16 PM
...nasty story ....ends with the death of a mule...and two midgets.

Donkey Show?

floodcitygirl
05-02-2007, 01:03 PM
2 Questions.....any idea how this person made it thru the application process and who thought it was a good plan to hire her to begin with??????? Someone may want to check into that. :dang:

BTW, I have a t shirt that says "I had a nightmare.....that I woke up brunette!" :flap: :chuckle:

Livinginthe past
05-02-2007, 01:04 PM
There's a storm a-brewin folks...

Wait till the girlies get hold of this one... :sofunny:

Thats some great stuff, LLT - not so funny at the time though I bet.

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-02-2007, 01:19 PM
2 Questions.....any idea how this person made it thru the application process and who thought it was a good plan to hire her to begin with??????? Someone may want to check into that. :dang:

BTW, I have a t shirt that says "I had a nightmare.....that I woke up brunette!" :flap: :chuckle:

...Very good!!!.....THERIN lies the major problem!!!!!!!! ...and one that our Director is asking my counterpart.

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-02-2007, 01:26 PM
There's a storm a-brewin folks...

Wait till the girlies get hold of this one... :sofunny:

Thats some great stuff, LLT - not so funny at the time though I bet.

NO!!!!..at the time I was....well....:banging:

MasterOfPuppets
05-02-2007, 01:28 PM
...Very good!!!.....THERIN lies the major problem!!!!!!!! ...and one that our Director is asking my counterpart.

she probably made it that far the old fassion way....not who you know,but who you ....:flap:

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-02-2007, 01:45 PM
she probably made it that far the old fassion way....not who you know,but who you ....:flap:

........uhhhh......both the trainee and my counterpart are large females!!!!.....:horror:

MasterOfPuppets
05-02-2007, 01:53 PM
........uhhhh......both the trainee and my counterpart are large females!!!!.....:horror:

so it was a pizza bribe.....:tap:

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-02-2007, 01:55 PM
so it was a pizza bribe.....:tap:

LOL..apparantly the trainee could bake.

floodcitygirl
05-02-2007, 02:03 PM
Very funny - by the way, did the person who locked their keys in their car ever hear of a locksmith? Hardly a nine-one-one-worthy situation.I was amazed by this myself. I never would have thought of calling for a cop for that situation. However, there are still departments that do this as a community service...at no cost, unlike a locksmith, and even if there isn't a child or pet inside.

Stlrs4Life
05-02-2007, 05:02 PM
so it was a pizza bribe.....:tap:


No, donuts more likely!:cheers:




Who cares if it is a Blonde? Blondes have way more fun. Gentlemen prefer Blondes.

Jeremy
05-02-2007, 06:39 PM
No, donuts more likely!:cheers:




Who cares if it is a Blonde? Blondes have way more fun. Gentlemen prefer Blondes.


But bad boys prefer red heads.

fansince'76
05-02-2007, 06:42 PM
I was amazed by this myself. I never would have thought of calling for a cop for that situation. However, there are still departments that do this as a community service...at no cost, unlike a locksmith, and even if there isn't a child or pet inside.

Good point, FCG - I never considered a baby or pet trapped inside on a hot day. However, if that were the case, I'd take the loss and break a window.

tony hipchest
05-02-2007, 06:47 PM
I was amazed by this myself. I never would have thought of calling for a cop for that situation. However, there are still departments that do this as a community service...at no cost, unlike a locksmith, and even if there isn't a child or pet inside.im assuming LLT is in a relatively small town. i have listened to the scanner myself several years back and heard calls for stuff such as a car running in the parking lot in an apartment complex (you know, like when someone warms up their car) and a neighbors dog barking.

who the hell calls the cops on a barking dog??? :dang: :banging: :dang:

floodcitygirl
05-02-2007, 07:59 PM
im assuming LLT is in a relatively small town. i have listened to the scanner myself several years back and heard calls for stuff such as a car running in the parking lot in an apartment complex (you know, like when someone warms up their car) and a neighbors dog barking.

who the hell calls the cops on a barking dog??? :dang: :banging: :dang:LOL! It happens every day...multiple times. About the only thing I can tell you for sure that our department will NOT do is rescue a cat from a tree. And yes people call regularly for the fire department to do that. Here's the question.....have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree??? :dang: :sofunny:

As far as opening the car doors, some deparments have discontinued the practice because of liability. Our department considered it because an officer tried to open a lock for a resident and unfortunately broke the window in the process. Her response to him was, "who do you think is going to pay for this??? I'll tell you who, you are!!!!!" This was the same woman who called back 5 minutes after the first time to ask, "where in the hell is the cop???? I've been waiting here for 5 minutes!!!" And no....he didn't break the window on purpose. But I considered breaking more than that. :pissed:

PAMillerGrrl83
05-02-2007, 08:55 PM
Hey now...guys date blondes but their marry brunettes. Back to the story thats funny stuff.

floodcitygirl
05-02-2007, 09:32 PM
Hey now...guys date blondes but their marry brunettes. Back to the story thats funny stuff.Naaahhh! That's what the mothers of brunette daughters tell them when they have no dates! :toofunny:



(I'm just kidding!!!!!) Come on SteelersBabe let's not have LITP thinking he had it right! There'd just be something not correct about that???!!! :cheers:

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-03-2007, 09:14 AM
im assuming LLT is in a relatively small town. i have listened to the scanner myself several years back and heard calls for stuff such as a car running in the parking lot in an apartment complex (you know, like when someone warms up their car) and a neighbors dog barking.

who the hell calls the cops on a barking dog??? :dang: :banging: :dang:

Our city is a twin city of 120,000 people...Two universities knock and two colleges us up to about 160,000 during 3/4 of the year...but our PD is VERY public oriented....you call for an officer, we will first try and and see if we can take care of your problem by phone. If we decide that an officer needs to be dispatched OR if the person on the phone specifically reguests an officer....they will get an officer...and department policy states that an officer is dispatched within 10 minutes or you have to contact the shift Lt. and note in the call that it had to hold.
We unlock car doors at no charge....we dispatch to any elderly person who needs ANY assistance....we issue ordinance violations on your neighbors if they are stupid enough to leave play their stereo loud at 2 a.m. or decide that they dont want to take responsibility on their barking dog...and we have been known to stop traffic to let a Mama duck and her little ones get across the road....(really!!)

tony hipchest
05-03-2007, 09:47 AM
Our city is a twin city of 120,000 people...Two universities knock and two colleges us up to about 160,000 during 3/4 of the year...but our PD is VERY public oriented....you call for an officer, we will first try and and see if we can take care of your problem by phone. If we decide that an officer needs to be dispatched OR if the person on the phone specifically reguests an officer....they will get an officer...and department policy states that an officer is dispatched within 10 minutes or you have to contact the shift Lt. and note in the call that it had to hold.
We unlock car doors at no charge....we dispatch to any elderly person who needs ANY assistance....we issue ordinance violations on your neighbors if they are stupid enough to leave play their stereo loud at 2 a.m. or decide that they dont want to take responsibility on their barking dog...and we have been known to stop traffic to let a Mama duck and her little ones get across the road....(really!!)oh, relative to me thats not to small then. im sure you guys have an actual mall rather than what we call the "[s]mall", or the hall. you know youre from a small town when k-mart and jc pennys takes up 1/5th of the total floorspace!

sometimes smalltown cops can get too bored. when i was 14 i got pulled over by a cop (lights and all) ON MY SKATEBOARD! unfortunatley i was riding it on the street next to a curb, on a road that had no sidewalks ON MEMORIAL DAY! absolutely no traffic! i was given a ticket and had to go to court.

my best friend worked nights and weekends as a dispatcher for about 9 months so ive heard a few wacky stories. he has problems with authorities and in particular hates cops, so he gave it up though. alot of cops here, are swollen headed pricks with a God complex.

lamberts-lost-tooth
05-03-2007, 09:52 AM
oh, relative to me thats not to small then. im sure you guys have an actual mall rather than what we call the "[s]mall", or the hall. you know youre from a small town when k-mart and jc pennys takes up 1/5th of the total floorspace!

sometimes smalltown cops can get too bored. when i was 14 i got pulled over by a cop (lights and all) ON MY SKATEBOARD! unfortunatley i was riding it on the street next to a curb, on a road that had no sidewalks ON MEMORIAL DAY! absolutely no traffic! i was given a ticket and had to go to court.

my best friend worked nights and weekends as a dispatcher for about 9 months so ive heard a few wacky stories. he has problems with authorities and in particular hates cops, so he gave it up though. alot of cops here, are swollen headed pricks with a God complex.

I tell my dispatchers all the time..."There will always be tension between cops and dispatchers...most cops become officers because they have authority issues and want to be in charge....and dispatchers are the ONLY people in the world who tell them what to do.