View Full Version : Vick kicked off prison football team for dog fighting

04-24-2008, 09:30 PM
Vick’s prison coach eagerly awaits arrival of other NFL players
LEAVENWORTH, KS — Happy with the recent acquisition of Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick, Harvey Hill, head coach of Vick’s prison team the Leavenworth Stars, has expressed great optimism with the prospect of more NFL players joining the roster before the new season begins in September.

“It’d be great to have a strong receiver or two for Vick to throw to,” Hill told SSNN. “Chris Henry would be nice; I’ve got a feeling he’ll be available soon.”

Alvin Thomason, the team’s GM, says the prison system waiver wire has recently been more laden with NFL talent than ever before.

“It used to be you had to wait years and cross you fingers that you could get a Michael Irvin or Lawrence Taylor – and sometimes your hopes would be dashed by their getting off with community service or very brief sentences,” Thomason recalled. “But we hope that Vick represents a new trend: real felons with NFL talent who can make a long-term commitment to our squad.”

Thomason thinks that Vick’s dedication to the Stars may encourage similar behavior from younger players in a similar mold. “We hear that there are some kids now who are considering coming out of college early and going straight to prison. That’s encouraging.”

Of course, this new trend is not without its critics. Some insist that young players should be encouraged to finish their college years and get their degree before moving on to play for a prison, giving them something to fall back on in case their criminal careers don’t pan out. Others have gone so far as to suggest putting a rule in place to ensure that student-athletes must obtain a degree before becoming eligible for prison football.

Thomason’s reply is that today’s young athlete is mature enough to pursue a life of lawless behavior right out of high school.

“These kids mature quickly,” he told SSNN. “These are not your grandmother’s convicts.”

For the time being, however, Vick’s team must make do with what’s available: convicted felons, mostly from walks of life other than the NFL. While Vick’s coach would like to have a few offensive players to augment this year’s team, he feels the main area of need is on defense.

“It’d be great to have a Pacman Jones or Tank Johnson to round out the D,” Coach Hill admitted. “But it may be weeks, maybe months before those guys are incarcerated.”


Vick kicked off prison football team for dog fighting

LEAVENWORTH, KA — Report out of Kansas today say that former NFL quarterback Michael Vick has once again been kicked off of his football team thanks to his involvement in a dog-fighting ring.

E.J. Gallegos, Warden for the US Penitentiary in Leavenworth, confirmed to SSNN that Vick had been dismissed from his prison yard football team, the Tornados (3-1 overall, 1-0 in conference).

“Mr. Vick was informed today that he is no longer allowed to play with the Tornados,” Gallegos said. “The team had a meeting yesterday and agreed that anyone who would abuse dogs has no place on a proud, dignified franchise such as the Tornados.”

Vick granted SSNN’s interview request, but our reporter was much too scared to go to prison to actually conduct the interview. A source close to former Falcons quarterback said that while Vick was obviously very much aware that dog fighting is illegal in Virginia, he didn’t know it was also illegal in prison.

“Trust me, it was an honest mistake,” the source said. “Based on all the prison movies and TV shows Michael watched before he got put behind bars, he kinda thought there was more of an ‘anything goes’ feel. Now he knows that dog fighting isn’t even acceptable in prison.”

Tornados head coach and former NASCAR driver Randy Lanier, a Leavenworth inmate since 1988, said the team has already begun looking for a new starting running back to fill the void left by Vick’s banishment.

“Mike was a little too inconsistent to be a quarterback for this team,” Lanier said. “But he had really revolutionized our ground game, and we had even started working him in as a returner. It’s unfortunate that he made the choices he did, but we’re just going to have to push on and do our best to make the Prison Yard Bowl next month.”



04-25-2008, 07:54 PM
:rofl: :applaudit: Good stuff SM!

04-25-2008, 09:56 PM
NICE!!!!! :rofl: