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NJarhead
05-29-2008, 02:44 PM
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Preacher
05-29-2008, 03:10 PM
I am not sure whether I should pat you on the back for telling the truth...

or run away because of the fire and brimstone about to be rained upon you...


:rofl:

NJarhead
05-29-2008, 03:20 PM
I am not sure whether I should pat you on the back for telling the truth...

or run away because of the fire and brimstone about to be rained upon you...


:rofl:

Whatever you decide Padre, just remain available as I may need to seek sanctuary. :couch:

Steeler in Carolina
05-29-2008, 05:42 PM
Man, that was the best laugh I've had in a week. Great work.:applaudit:

SteelersMongol
05-29-2008, 09:42 PM
:rofl:

I am not sure whether I should pat you on the back for telling the truth...

or run away because of the fire and brimstone about to be rained upon you...

:rofl:

:applaudit: