View Full Version : DNC Convention day one schedule

08-26-2008, 07:44 PM
Schedule of Events for Day One of DNC

Here is the schedule for day one of the DNC that was emailed to me.

7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning, (U.S., U.K. and Israeli flags will be in attendance.)

7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N. and the future "One World Government."

7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Back-up chants provided by the local Wiccan Organization.

7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging. A fake Oak tree will be provided.

7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:00 pm ~ A Speech given by Al Gore on "How I Invented the Internet." Expecting a possible run-over as the Goracle is expected to blend this with Global Warming.

8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning, Barney Frank presiding.

8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:40 pm ~ "Our Troops are War Criminals," speech given by John Kerry and Jane Fonda.

9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon will deliver the eulogies of these Heroic figures.

9:50 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:00 pm ~ 'Answering Machine Etiquette' by residing expert, Alec Baldwin.

10:20 pm ~ The New "Drive Thru Abortion Express Lanes," being installed at Planned Parenthood franchises across the nation. Cecile Richards speaking.

11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

11:05 pm ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund to be sponsored by Barbara Streisand.

11:15 pm ~ "Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay" announcement by Sean Penn.

11:30 pm ~ "Oval Office Affairs. The proper use of cigars," brought to you by William Jefferson Clinton.

11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

11:50 pm ~ "How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers," by Howard Dean and Rosie O'Donnell. Dean will perform his trademark scream for the crowd.

12:15 am ~ 'Truth in Broadcasting Award' - Presented to Sir Dan Rather by Michael Moore will be simulcast from the Magical, Mystical World of Journalistic Knights.

12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Mahmoud will briefly discuss the dhimmitudal role of the great satan.

12:45 am ~ Nomination of Barack Hussein Obama by Nancy Pelosi. Address will be fed live via satellite from Syrian President Assad's hot tub.

1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

1:05 am ~ Coronation of Barack Hussein Obama

1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home. Billy reminds him to use the route through Chappaquiddick.