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View Full Version : I'm running in 2012!


revefsreleets
11-03-2008, 06:06 PM
I’m officially announcing my candidacy for President in 2012. After a little about me, be prepared to be blown away by the most sweeping change in policy this Country has ever seen. The theme of MY platform is simple: Common sense.

First, my resume. I’m not a lawyer, although I did graduate college as a double major CJ/PoliSci, so I know a little bit about how government should work. Lawyers suck. You want a lawyer in DC? Throw a rock and you’ll hit 127 lawyers. Just do me a favor, and throw it HARD. I smoked dope in college. I occasionally do now, and I may even get a little lit in office, but would you rather have me chill smokin’ some gange or tearing around the oval office drunk and angry like D ick Nixon? I’m divorced and currently single. I slept with a TON of chicks in college, and, although I’ve slowed way down now, being president can open a lot of doors for a single dude. I’ll probably be dating uber-hotties and super models, but unlike JFK, I’m going to do it out in the open. You also won’t ever see me sneaking around with a chick like Lewinski. If I’m president-only 9’s and 10’s are even getting past my posse, the SS. Like Gary Hart, I’ll dare the press to follow me, but along with the caveat that they will NOT be bored. Without further ado, my 2012 platform:

The Economy

This is a biggie. I don’t have all the answers, but I take the view of “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time”, so I’m just going to put a few things in play and see how they work out.

-Spending freezes. As of the day I take office, we are going to cease with “continuing resolutions”, and start running the government budget just as a business would. We will no longer try to forecast government revenue intake and start spending against it, but use a “look back” method, where we constrain spending then match spending against actual revenues. As with all these proposals, I’ll go on national TV and explain in clear language exactly what it is that I’m sending to congress, and within a reasonable time frame, go back on TV and let all the citizens know what Congress did with my bills.

-Taxes stay the same. I want a flat tax, but baby steps here. Instead of trying to figure out some way to make everyone happy, we’ll just leave things as they are for now. I’ll come back to this later when other things start popping…with one exception…

-National Sales Tax. 1% of everything but gas, groceries and utilities is subject. That makes it a natural progressive tax. The first revenues generated will go into infrastructure, perhaps even utilizing “alphabet programs” again (I also have plans for education with this money). Welfare recipients beware: If you are used to sitting on your fat ass on the front porch drinking 40’s on the government teat, be prepared to do some manual labor for your formerly free cash. Our roads, bridges, water, sewer and rail systems are in deplorable shape, and we are going to fix that, welfare, unemployment and hopefully a portion of the economy all in one fell swoop.

-Balanced Budget. Once we get spending under control, we can work towards a balanced budget. Deficit spending sucks, and everyone will have to learn to tighten their belt.

Iraq

-We will begin troop drawdown, but in a logical and sensible fashion. If need be, we will turn the job over to the Iraqi Army one unit at a time, but I hope we able to make a smoother transition than that.

After the war is over, Independent council will be formed and will run inquiries into all the graft and corruption that took place in the War. For particularly deplorable war profiteers, they will be tried as either war criminals, traitors and seditionists, or, if applicable all of the above (I obviously have to keep this one close to the chest for now, but this IS what I would do down the road). If you steal government money and profit at the expense of American soldiers blood, you will be tried, and if found guilty, subject to execution by firing squad.

Defense in General

We will remember what the Marines are supposed to be: An expeditionary force. If we need to hit hard and fast (and we will in the new world shaping up around us), the Marines are going to lead the way, and they will get whatever it is they want and need to be as effective as possible. We will also create 2 new army divisions similar to the 10th Mountain to fill a roll “equal but different” than the Marines.

We need to reshape global basing policies. We need more special forces. We need a lot better precision striking ability. We need the best HUMINT possible on every front to supplement our already vastly superior SIGINT, MASINT and IMINT.

But we also need to work on our ability to effectively communicate with the people we come in contact with. The perception that the US military “Kicks ass and takes names” needs to change. We need to take names THEN kick ass.

Anyway, under me as Pres, we will spend whatever it takes to retain our position as the only hyper power in the world. But we will also be changing the way we do business. I’ll probably get whacked out for saying this, but the military-industrial complex needs reeled in. The whole process of allocation, requisition and procurement needs reworked, but it’s another tough one.

Education

“No Child Left Behind” and any other kind of standardized testing gets scrapped immediately. All this has done is force our teachers to teach kids how to pass a test. “Intelligent Design” goes in the trash, too. If you want to teach your kids fantasy, fine, but you’ll have to home school them, or let them get it at Sunday school where it belongs.

Effective immediately, all contracts with soda and chip/candy companies are ended, and all those vending machines will be removed. The school lunch menus will be based on that company they used in “Super Size Me”, where the food isn’t processed or filled with high fructose corn syrup. We are raising fat and retarded little monsters and this all ends now.

Exercise/recess programs will be reinstituted. I’ll use funds from my national sales tax to pay for it. Kids who exercise and play have more energy and will be more receptive to learning.

Science and math will become 1/4th of the required curriculum for all kids who want to graduate and go on to college. Since not all kids are equal (contrary to what the PCers would have us believe), we will step up vocational training in high schools for the non-best and brightest so they, too, can actually do something other than go on welfare or work at McDonalds.


Health Care

Jesus, this one is a mess. We’ll start small and scrap the ridiculously retarded notion that you can only buy a plan in your own state, and that businesses can’t group together and form buying groups to drive costs down. McCain’s tax credit plan ain’t bad either. Combine the 2, and we’ll address this later after those couple of fixes.

Immigration

This is another tough one. I’m going to split the difference. We will build a wall and keep people out from illegally entering that way. But we have to find some cost effective balance with the zillions that are already here. I definitely support a LIMITED amnesty plan for people who have found work and are contributing fairly essential services. Australia has a nice policy that I’d take a look at emulating. If you are a waste of space illegal, or you’ve cost this government an inordinate amount of money without some kind of commensurate reciprocation, you’re headed home, muchachos!

Global Warming

Careful on this one…it needs addressed but responsibly and logically. We need to curb humans dumping on the environment, but not at the expense of limiting our ability to do business. Humans may contribute, but let’s not confuse our meager influence with the massive and mighty forces of nature which act whether we participate or not.



I have more, but this is just a start. As I said earlier, I will lay out my plans on national TV in easy to understand language that everyone in this country can understand, then I will go on TV again and keep the American people completely informed on the progress of all my initiatives, in particular making sure they know exactly who from each party in Congress was causing trouble and what they were doing to slow down the progress. To be fair, these are rough ideas, and any improvements would be welcome with credit given where credit is due.

tony hipchest
11-03-2008, 06:14 PM
lets hope its on the GOP ticket. :cheers:

the alternatives are frightening.

revefsreleets
11-03-2008, 06:16 PM
Libertarian Party, baby!

tony hipchest
11-03-2008, 06:18 PM
Libertarian Party, baby!

shoot! :dang:

good thing is you could rip palin in a debate drunk, stoned and during coitus.

revefsreleets
11-03-2008, 06:28 PM
Biden would be even easier...I'd have to study for a week to beat Obama, since someone tutored him to memorize all the names of foreign leaders...

tony hipchest
11-03-2008, 06:30 PM
yeah but youre done when LLT throws his hat in the ring. hes more experienced. just ask him. :chuckle:

revefsreleets
11-03-2008, 06:37 PM
Stop hijacking my thread!

I seriously think that if someone could get financed and ran on my platform, they'd win 75-25. It's the REAL "Straight Talk Express".

GBMelBlount
11-03-2008, 06:46 PM
Revs
We are raising fat and retarded little monsters and this all ends now.

I think you might get some traction with this Revs. I think the key to pulling this one off though, is to "obamasize" it in some way so that it can be blamed solely on the wealthy and corporations in order to justify taxing it somehow. :chuckle:

Oh, and you may want to word it in a little more politically correct way like "rotund and learning challenged bundles of joy."

revefsreleets
11-03-2008, 06:59 PM
Nope. I'm pulling no punches. No "PC" bullshit. I'm telling it the way it is.

xfl2001fan
11-03-2008, 07:08 PM
I can vote for a woman, a muslim a black...but I don't think I can vote for a Steeler fan. Sorry bro. :flap:

revefsreleets
11-03-2008, 07:10 PM
I'm definitely going to remember that, and I will use the "teamism card" at every turn...

xfl2001fan
11-03-2008, 07:18 PM
I'm definitely going to remember that, and I will use the "teamism card" at every turn...

Sweet, then whomever you are running against can talk about "Ben the Browns Fan" and I'll get my fifteen minutes of fame!

43Hitman
11-03-2008, 07:25 PM
Sweet, then whomever you are running against can talk about "Ben the Browns Fan" and I'll get my fifteen minutes of fame!


:toofunny:

SteelCityMan786
11-03-2008, 07:30 PM
Libertarian Party, baby!

Are you attempting to be more successful then Ross Perot???

stlrtruck
11-04-2008, 07:48 AM
With a few exceptions on your policies (which we've discussed in a different thread), I like your points and depending on who you run against - you'd most likely get my vote.

Vis
11-04-2008, 07:51 AM
Suit, I'll need to know how you look in designer clothes and if you can be folksy before i can commit my vote.

revefsreleets
11-04-2008, 08:07 AM
Suit, I'll need to know how you look in designer clothes and if you can be folksy before i can commit my vote.

I see...hmmm....style over substance. Makes sense, considering who's getting your vote this year.

I already wear designer suits to work. As for being folksy, I have only one thing to say:

You betcha!

revefsreleets
11-10-2008, 12:11 PM
Needed to add an extremely important policy change which will take effect immediately upon my assuming office: Changing around Holidays.

We have all these Holidays lumped together at the beginning of winter, and then like 5 months with no real days off (Betweem 1/1 and 5/31), and that SUCKS! When I take office, we are moving Christmas into February. Jesus was born in the like June anyway, and Christmas is only on December 25th to cover up the Pagan Holiday of winter Solstice, so I'm going to do some adjusting.

Instead of lumping them all together, here's how it will now be.

Thanksgiving late November.
New Years January 1st.
Christmas Eve/Christmas (I'm officially making them both Holidays) February 13th-14th.
Valentine's Day (stupid holiday anyway) February 25th.

The old President is dead. Long live President Revefsreleets!

MasterOfPuppets
11-10-2008, 12:15 PM
Needed to add an extremely important policy change which will take effect immediately upon my assuming office: Changing around Holidays.

We have all these Holidays lumped together at the beginning of winter, and then like 5 months with no real days off (Betweem 1/1 and 5/31), and that SUCKS! When I take office, we are moving Christmas into February. Jesus was born in the like June anyway, and Christmas is only on December 25th to cover up the Pagan Holiday of winter Solstice, so I'm going to do some adjusting.

Instead of lumping them all together, here's how it will now be.

Thanksgiving late November.
New Years January 1st.
Christmas Eve/Christmas (I'm officially making them both Holidays) February 13th-14th.
Valentine's Day (stupid holiday anyway) February 25th.

The old President is dead. Long live President Revefsreleets!why not do away with valentines day , and make the day after the SB a federal holiday.... call it recouperation day....:noidea:

revefsreleets
11-10-2008, 12:20 PM
I like the way you think!

I'm cancelling V-day, and dumping the other stupid holiday invented by card, candy and flower companies (Sweetest Day), and declaring Monday morning post SB officially "National Hangover Day".

SteelCityMan786
11-10-2008, 12:36 PM
I like the way you think!

I'm cancelling V-day, and dumping the other stupid holiday invented by card, candy and flower companies (Sweetest Day), and declaring Monday morning post SB officially "National Hangover Day".

I could use an extra day off school following that time. I'll be in College at that point. haha.

SteelersMongol
11-10-2008, 08:15 PM
I can vote for a woman, a muslim a black...but I don't think I can vote for a Steeler fan. Sorry bro. :flap:

I wouldn't mind voting 4 anyone. But I would definitely vote 4 Steelers fan. I mean if I was a citizen. :wink02: U being a Steelers fan alone will get my vote. :chuckle: