lamberts-lost-tooth
03-02-2009, 10:09 AM
I love my wife.
In fact I tell her all the time that,,,, "if sexy was a cookie...she'd be a double-stuff" ...and yes... she asked me if I was calling her "fat".
But I love her.
I have, however, after 17 years of marriage come to realize that loving someone and loving everything that someone does is too entirely different things.
Take her driving for instance. I'm not saying she is a bad driver...I'm saying she is a REALLY bad driver. In her defense, she has never tried to convince me of her driving prowess. In fact I would say that she is rather oblivious to her vehicular inadequacies.
There were small hints of her inabilities early in the marriage, such as the night that we were coming home late and she volunteered to drive because I was tired. I was blissfully on my way to the happy land of nod when the vehicle lurched and I heard a thump that came from somewhere UNDER the van. This is where my expertise as a police officer kicked in, and using all my deductive reasoning I bolted upright and sleepily asked..."WAAAWASDAT"!!!!
My wife just smiled and waved me away with the logical explanation that it was "Just one of the contruction barrels". I have never slept while she was driving again....ever. In fact I have spent those waking moments discovering some fun facts about our van. Like, did you know that the little handle to the upper rightside of the passenger seat is called the "hang-on-to-me-or-you-may-die strap"? Or that there is a visor on the drivers side with a mirror on it? This bothers me. I don't want sound like an old fud, but this seems to me to be just a tad bit dangerous. I distinctly recall learning somewhere in driver's education class that, to operate a car, you need to be able to see where the car is going, in case the need arises to...you never know... steer!!!
Now this is not an Indictment on all womens driving. I'm sure that the majority of you females reading this are wonderful drivers..moms...wives..multi-tasking goddesses, who of which it may be said...If sexy was a cookie...you would all be doublestuffs.
...and yes....those jeans make you look fat.
In fact I tell her all the time that,,,, "if sexy was a cookie...she'd be a double-stuff" ...and yes... she asked me if I was calling her "fat".
But I love her.
I have, however, after 17 years of marriage come to realize that loving someone and loving everything that someone does is too entirely different things.
Take her driving for instance. I'm not saying she is a bad driver...I'm saying she is a REALLY bad driver. In her defense, she has never tried to convince me of her driving prowess. In fact I would say that she is rather oblivious to her vehicular inadequacies.
There were small hints of her inabilities early in the marriage, such as the night that we were coming home late and she volunteered to drive because I was tired. I was blissfully on my way to the happy land of nod when the vehicle lurched and I heard a thump that came from somewhere UNDER the van. This is where my expertise as a police officer kicked in, and using all my deductive reasoning I bolted upright and sleepily asked..."WAAAWASDAT"!!!!
My wife just smiled and waved me away with the logical explanation that it was "Just one of the contruction barrels". I have never slept while she was driving again....ever. In fact I have spent those waking moments discovering some fun facts about our van. Like, did you know that the little handle to the upper rightside of the passenger seat is called the "hang-on-to-me-or-you-may-die strap"? Or that there is a visor on the drivers side with a mirror on it? This bothers me. I don't want sound like an old fud, but this seems to me to be just a tad bit dangerous. I distinctly recall learning somewhere in driver's education class that, to operate a car, you need to be able to see where the car is going, in case the need arises to...you never know... steer!!!
Now this is not an Indictment on all womens driving. I'm sure that the majority of you females reading this are wonderful drivers..moms...wives..multi-tasking goddesses, who of which it may be said...If sexy was a cookie...you would all be doublestuffs.
...and yes....those jeans make you look fat.