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trauben
05-28-2009, 10:37 AM
You're married with kids and in your 40s.

Why would you seek out an old girlfriend from high school to get in contact with again when you never kept in contact outside of high school before?

This girlfriend isn't on any of the social networking sites, phone numbers are not listed, and she is not so easily found.

This is also a girlfriend that you once said you wanted to marry, but she ended it with you amicably because she was a couple years older and graduating high school and moving away.

Why would a guy make a bold move by sending an email to her sister to seek her out? Why would you do that? Just to meet up? Having problems in a marriage and wanting to know "what if?"

I need to pick your brains.

SteelersinCA
05-28-2009, 10:40 AM
I can't tell you, When I'm done with my women, I'm done, I don't want to be friends and I don't care what they do. Curiosity maybe?

Godfather
05-28-2009, 10:48 AM
Wish I could help, but I'm scratching my head too.

Fire Haley
05-28-2009, 10:53 AM
I seriously doubt she's as hot as she was in high school.

I hear they have nice girls in Bangkok.

xfl2001fan
05-28-2009, 10:58 AM
Sounds like mid-life crisis to me. I think we are all pretty much in agreement on what it likely is...outside of that, not sure.

trauben
05-28-2009, 11:07 AM
Whatever it is, it's a Pandora's box that should stay closed.

steeldawg
05-28-2009, 11:12 AM
lookin to cheat of course guys dont just seek out girls to meet up with and be friends....you should be worried.....

steelax04
05-28-2009, 11:42 AM
He needs to know how you're feeling now and not when it's too late.

Did he tell you he contacted her? Or is this information you found by snooping?

If it's snooping then you really have yourself in a pickle...

Fire Haley
05-28-2009, 11:59 AM
Psst, hey meester - wanna date my seester?

GBMelBlount
05-28-2009, 12:18 PM
Wow Trauben, that's interesting.

I am married, in my 40’s and have a child

I dated two very sweet, attractive cheerleaders / homecoming queen in high school and into my first year of college and I married the same type of girl (although she has her moments! :chuckle: ). I had very good relationships with both girls. Anyway, I did contact both of them in my late 20’s when I was still single. However, I was between relationships and was very curious to see where they were at in their lives…..

Now, I am in my 40’s and married 12 years to a woman I love and deeply care about and have a beautiful daughter.

As to his motives, it could be a number of different things but she will not know for sure unless she talks to him imo.

Dino 6 Rings
05-28-2009, 01:13 PM
Here is why.

Nostalgia for something the Guy thinks he missed, or wishes he would have done. Probably just had a relationship end and has the Lonely Bug and is just wondering about "his past".

Things to realize. This is probably not his first attempt to get with an old flame. Probably has emailed 3 or 4 girls from his past. He's trying to "re live" a better time, which is probably just better in his head, but he has nothing to hold on to now and instead of looking forward, is looking back.

I'm married now, happily, I don't talk to any ex girlfriends. It wouldn't make my Wife happy, plus, I don't even want to be bothered with the what if? "

What if Nothing, it didn't work out, we've moved on, glad you are happy with your life, great, you have kids, wonderful, that's so nice, take it easy, have a nice life."

That's it.

If an exboyfriend of my wife came seeking her out, I'd pretty much say "avoid him" its nothing but trouble, he's on a search for a lost love and it didn't work 20 years ago, it isn't going to work now. When old girlfriends seek me out, I end it quick. "Doing great, hope you're happy, have a very lovely life." Done.

There is Zero Reason to retred crap from 20 years ago or even give into the temptation (because that's what it is). Move on, look foward, wish them luck and hope they get over whatever Drama it is that caused them to seek you out.

steelreserve
05-28-2009, 01:17 PM
Yeah, that's not normal. Start looking for a divorce lawyer now, just to be prepared.

The silver lining is that you can be 99 percent certain that this won't product a positive outcome for anyone at all! The husband, wife, ex, kids, will all be miserable.

Wait, that's not what a silver lining is, it just sucks.

trauben
05-28-2009, 01:21 PM
lookin to cheat of course guys dont just seek out girls to meet up with and be friends....you should be worried.....
Exactly!

He needs to know how you're feeling now and not when it's too late.

Did he tell you he contacted her? Or is this information you found by snooping?

If it's snooping then you really have yourself in a pickle...
You've assumed I'm the wife? Wrong assumption.
As to his motives, it could be a number of different things but she will not know for sure unless she talks to him imo.
Okay GB, tell me this, how would your wife feel if she found out you're trying to find and reconnect with one of those women now that you've been married these 12 years?

steelax04
05-28-2009, 01:37 PM
Exactly!


You've assumed I'm the wife? Wrong assumption.

Okay GB, tell me this, how would your wife feel if she found out you're trying to find and reconnect with one of those women now that you've been married these 12 years?

My apologies... change "you" to "she/her" where applicable...

As for your question to GB, I still ask how the wife found out. If he was forward with the information then I'd say the intentions could be more benign. If he was hiding it and she found out by snooping, then it's a whole other can of worms.

trauben
05-28-2009, 01:50 PM
Here is why.

Nostalgia for something the Guy thinks he missed, or wishes he would have done. Probably just had a relationship end and has the Lonely Bug and is just wondering about "his past".

Things to realize. This is probably not his first attempt to get with an old flame. Probably has emailed 3 or 4 girls from his past. He's trying to "re live" a better time, which is probably just better in his head, but he has nothing to hold on to now and instead of looking forward, is looking back.

I'm married now, happily, I don't talk to any ex girlfriends. It wouldn't make my Wife happy, plus, I don't even want to be bothered with the what if? "

What if Nothing, it didn't work out, we've moved on, glad you are happy with your life, great, you have kids, wonderful, that's so nice, take it easy, have a nice life."

That's it.

If an exboyfriend of my wife came seeking her out, I'd pretty much say "avoid him" its nothing but trouble, he's on a search for a lost love and it didn't work 20 years ago, it isn't going to work now. When old girlfriends seek me out, I end it quick. "Doing great, hope you're happy, have a very lovely life." Done.

There is Zero Reason to retred crap from 20 years ago or even give into the temptation (because that's what it is). Move on, look foward, wish them luck and hope they get over whatever Drama it is that caused them to seek you out.

Dino, you're a wise man.

Sometimes being in an unhappy marriage leaves you feeling alone, lonely and isolated. People find themselves wanting to connect with someone. Its easy to want to feel better so naturally you remember "better times." The problem with those "better times" is that you have to look in the past for them, because that's the only place they exist. The future has yet to be discovered.

As far as "zero reason to retred" the past though? I don't agree with that one completely. Sometimes if things were done badly, or wrong decisions made? Should a wrong decision be left to stand? Sometimes it can't be helped. Other times a wrong decision can still be righted.

In this particular case however, it was left amicably and forgotten. It should be left at that since he's married and has children.

Yeah, that's not normal. Start looking for a divorce lawyer now, just to be prepared.

The silver lining is that you can be 99 percent certain that this won't product a positive outcome for anyone at all! The husband, wife, ex, kids, will all be miserable.

Wait, that's not what a silver lining is, it just sucks.
Exactly. It sounds like someone may be having marital problems. Its a Pandora's box.

trauben
05-28-2009, 01:52 PM
My apologies... change "you" to "she/her" where applicable...

As for your question to GB, I still ask how the wife found out. If he was forward with the information then I'd say the intentions could be more benign. If he was hiding it and she found out by snooping, then it's a whole other can of worms.
I don't know if the wife knows. :noidea: Maybe if I knew she did? I'd answer his email. But since I don't know and all I have is the email forwarded to me from my sister? I'm not touching it with a ten foot pole!!!!

xfl2001fan
05-28-2009, 01:59 PM
There is Zero Reason to retred crap from 20 years ago or even give into the temptation (because that's what it is). Move on, look foward, wish them luck and hope they get over whatever Drama it is that caused them to seek you out.

It's possible it may not be for temptation. (With my wife's approval) I contacted an old ex from HS about a year ago that I did wrong. I felt bad about it a few years after HS, but never had contact with her to apologize. About a year and a half ago, via Facebook, I happened to reconnect with a mutual friend of ours. For about 3 months, I struggled with whether or not to say anything to her (or to try and reconnect) and for the next 3 months, what to say.

I talked to my wife and explained what I was going to say and why it bothered me so much. Left her a huge apology (which my wife read) and found out that she wasn't really bothered by it as much as I had thought she might. She lost touch with a lot of people right after HS because her house was flooded...and she only kept paper copies of how to contact people.

I've spoken to her all of two times since...one of which was to wish her well on her trip to Canada...and one to ask how the trip was.

While unlikely, it's possible that it's not such a nefarious thing. However, the likelihood of it not being something more than innocent contact is not in said guy's favor.

GBMelBlount
05-28-2009, 02:07 PM
Okay GB, tell me this, how would your wife feel if she found out you're trying to find and reconnect with one of those women now that you've been married these 12 years?

Of course she would be upset. My point is simply that you won't know for sure unless you talk to him and know the circumstances. Period.

I'm not telling you to respond, I am simply stating that you can't always make generalizations and know for sure it is the case.

Dino 6 Rings
05-28-2009, 02:14 PM
The dude is married with kids and is looking up an old flame. Now unless he's looking for a possible bone marrow donor, he's up to no good and probably hopes you're married with kids too so he can get an easy "side thing" going with you with no strings.

Avoid the situation. If you feel compelled to respond, first tell your significant other, explain your intentions to just say hello, good luck, great to hear from you, I'm happy has a bug in a wood pile, bye.

If he responds (which he will cause he won't take the hint) Flat out say, "Look that was long ago, it was fun, but I'm married (or with someone) now and that's my focus. If you're lost or looking for someone Jesus is always willing to have your love." That'll do it. Mention Jesus to the potential Home Wrecker and he's gone. (doesn't matter your religion, put whatever diety you need to in there, just push them away in a very friendly, "bless your heart, you're so pretty" kind of way and forget about it.

Dino 6 Rings
05-28-2009, 02:16 PM
He may be doing a 12 step program that forces folks to "make-up" to those they hurt.

Let him do it in email or on the phone, don't go "out for coffee" or crap like that. Its bad, unless his wife is there too. No one on one meetings with Mr Married with Kids.

SteelersinCA
05-28-2009, 03:31 PM
Why would you look for an old flame, there is plenty of younger fresher meat out there that is just as easy to have a fling with. Personally, if I'm going to do something I know I shouldn't I'm going to at least try for an upgrade! :chuckle:

MasterOfPuppets
05-28-2009, 04:15 PM
i don't know why this is specifically aimed at men..... i mean why would ANYONE look up an old flame ? :noidea:

Fire Haley
05-28-2009, 05:07 PM
If a woman is looking up a guy it can only mean one thing - money.

MasterOfPuppets
05-28-2009, 05:39 PM
If a woman is looking up a guy it can only mean one thing - money.good point....:doh:

AllD
05-28-2009, 05:57 PM
I just looked up several old friends from school on Facebook. Most are women. I am just interested how they are doing after so many years.

However, I wouldn't mind banging some of their hot friends.

tony hipchest
05-28-2009, 08:01 PM
total honesty from a man?

at the very least i'd say he is scouting a "booty call" or a "friend with benefits".

if his currently relationship is on rocky ground, he may be seeing if the grass is greener on the other side and be looking for a parachute to ease the fall.

Hammer67
05-29-2009, 09:20 AM
Whatever it is, it's a Pandora's box that should stay closed.


Rent the movie "High Fidelity" with John Cusak. Pretty much about a guy going through a mid life crisis and reaching out to past girlfriends for closure.

Could be something like that...or, he just never got over her. That being said, I am happily married and have seen a few flames from years past on Facebook and am cordial, but that's it. I just have a curiosity of how people from my past are doing and whay kind of people they have become.

If this guy isn't being open with his wife, then there are indeed issues. If he is...it probably is nothing more then curiosity.

trauben
05-29-2009, 09:33 AM
i don't know why this is specifically aimed at men.....
It's not "aimed" at men, it's a real life scenario and I wanted inside your brains for a moment to try to figure out why he's reaching out.

Silly me though, I actually thought you guys had some brains. :doh::flap::hug:

Fire Haley
05-29-2009, 12:48 PM
OH - I misread the whole thing - I thought it was YOU looking up an old girlfriend.

My bad.

Try to be clearer next time, I get confused easily.

MasterOfPuppets
05-29-2009, 02:19 PM
It's not "aimed" at men, it's a real life scenario and I wanted inside your brains for a moment to try to figure out why he's reaching out.

Silly me though, I actually thought you guys had some brains. :doh::flap::hug:
Question for the men
looks pretty aimed to me.....just because the person in question happens to have a penis, doesn't mean that those with a penis , is any better qualified to scrutinize his actions...:noidea: .... if you ask for an opinion from an equal ratio of men and women, i'm sure your going to get a very similiar opinion from each group, with the vast majority convicting the guy of intent of infidelity, with no knowledge of the person in questions character , or evidence. sure, my first thought on the scenerio is "booty call", but if the person in question was a female, my first thought would ALSO be "booty call". :hunch:

The_WARDen
05-29-2009, 02:29 PM
Exactly!


You've assumed I'm the wife? Wrong assumption.

Okay GB, tell me this, how would your wife feel if she found out you're trying to find and reconnect with one of those women now that you've been married these 12 years?

My question is this. If you aren't the wife then why do you care? What's you reason for getting involved?

trauben
05-29-2009, 02:42 PM
looks pretty aimed to me.....just because the person in question happens to have a penis, doesn't mean that those with a penis , is any better qualified to scrutinize his actions... ....

My question is this. If you aren't the wife then why do you care? What's you reason for getting involved?

I dunno ....... :hunch: ......... its obvious people don't read the entire thread.

I give up.

xfl2001fan
05-29-2009, 02:43 PM
My question is this. If you aren't the wife then why do you care? What's you reason for getting involved?

Not that it's any of your business, but I assume that she's the sister.

trauben
05-29-2009, 02:49 PM
I assume that she's the sister.
Here is the reason I posted this question..............

Yesterday morning I received an email from my sister.

It was a forwarded email that she received from MY old boyfriend in high school.

He was looking for me.

It's why I asked to pick the men's brains, because I wanted to know what gears were working up in your heads, not a woman's, when you reach out to an old girlfriend.

It wasn't a slam at men, just a request to understand where you guys are coming from.

Sorry I was so covert about it.

One thing we can all agree on though is ..............:sign11:

Fire Haley
05-29-2009, 03:00 PM
Wait a minute - you're a WOMAN?

When did this happen?

I'm so confused.

xfl2001fan
05-29-2009, 03:17 PM
Wait a minute - you're a WOMAN?

When did this happen?

I'm so confused.

HAHAHA, she's former military as well. Normally, ignorance is bliss...but this isn't your bliss, it's mine. :flap:

I would guess that this happened sometime during her inception...unless there was a sex change that she didn't admit to.

Fire Haley
05-29-2009, 03:21 PM
We need little pee-pee icons in our profiles under our aves for the men posters and little titty icons for the females here.

That would clear this whole mess up - get crackin' mods.

The_WARDen
05-29-2009, 04:00 PM
I dunno ....... :hunch: ......... its obvious people don't read the entire thread.

I give up.

I read the entire thread...unless you're the wife, from a man's perspective you're meddling.

The_WARDen
05-29-2009, 04:01 PM
Not that it's any of your business, but I assume that she's the sister.


It isn't my business...by posting on a public forum it becomes everyone's business...

The_WARDen
05-29-2009, 04:02 PM
Here is the reason I posted this question..............

Yesterday morning I received an email from my sister.

It was a forwarded email that she received from MY old boyfriend in high school.

He was looking for me.

It's why I asked to pick the men's brains, because I wanted to know what gears were working up in your heads, not a woman's, when you reach out to an old girlfriend.

It wasn't a slam at men, just a request to understand where you guys are coming from.

Sorry I was so covert about it.

One thing we can all agree on though is ..............:sign11:

See, there ya go! I knew you were involved...

:wave:

Preacher
05-29-2009, 04:26 PM
I dunno ....... :hunch: ......... its obvious people don't read the entire thread.

I give up.:rofl:

I had an ex-girlfriend call me up after 15 years. This was before I was married. Turns out, she was just divorced... I think we all know where that was going.

I can think of one of two answers.

1. He hurt you or thinks he hurt you in some way and wants to apologize... not likely in what you said.

2. He wants to reconnect, rekindle, see if the grass IS greener on the other side, or just see how you are doing. Regardless, unless you are looking for a relationship are willing to be with him... except of course, for the fact that he is MARRIED... stay away. Far away.

Oh yeah, I thought about one other.... he is looking for a mutual friend. However, that is a GREAT excuse to talk to you to.

Who knows what is going through his head. But Pyscho-analyzing him doesn't matter. What matters is simply what you do.


RUN GRASSHOPPER RUN

Fire Haley
05-29-2009, 05:05 PM
Yesterday morning I received an email from my sister.

It was a forwarded email that she received from MY old boyfriend in high school.

He was looking for me

Ah-hah, so assuming you're not a gay guy (not that there's anything wrong with that) and not just pretending to be a woman - the real question is you want us to tell you if your man will be jealous?



Depends, he might already have a mistress on the side, have you checked his phone records lately?

MasterOfPuppets
05-29-2009, 05:11 PM
Not that it's any of your business, but I assume that she's the sister.
ya see what happens when you "assume" ? :laughing:

MasterOfPuppets
05-29-2009, 05:16 PM
Ah-hah, so assuming you're not a gay guy (not that there's anything wrong with that) and not just pretending to be a woman - the real question is you want us to tell you if your man will be jealous?



Depends, he might already have a mistress on the side, have you checked his phone records lately?i think you got it wrong.....the "DUDE" is married with kids, and is trying to get in touch with HER.

Dino 6 Rings
05-29-2009, 05:26 PM
Ok, to establish.

Some dude is trying to get in touch with trauben, who is a woman.

The Dude is Married and has kids and is an exboyfriend of Trauben's.

Dude emailed Trauben's sister to track her down.

Now, with all this info, and the great advice that has been given, the question is, what has Trauben, decided to do? Did you email him back? Did you call him? Did you go out "for coffee" with the guy? Is he looking for Bone Marrow? Is he looking to be a shady dog and cheat on his family?

Vincent
05-29-2009, 05:29 PM
You're married with kids and in your 40s.

Why would you seek out an old girlfriend from high school to get in contact with again when you never kept in contact outside of high school before?

This girlfriend isn't on any of the social networking sites, phone numbers are not listed, and she is not so easily found.

This is also a girlfriend that you once said you wanted to marry, but she ended it with you amicably because she was a couple years older and graduating high school and moving away.

Why would a guy make a bold move by sending an email to her sister to seek her out? Why would you do that? Just to meet up? Having problems in a marriage and wanting to know "what if?"

I need to pick your brains.

We've been happily married for 34 years. We never looked back.

On occasion, usually over drinks, we kid around with "what if?" She'd shoot me. I always said "get him in range and all is forgiven". We both know each other well enough to know it'd never happen.

That said, your scenario portends no good. Draw the offending party into safe range. Take a breath. Aim. Fire. Then, over drinks, toast the rest of your happy lives together. :chuckle:

MasterOfPuppets
05-29-2009, 05:41 PM
so was ya bumpin ugly's in high school ? :hunch: ....we need more details to form a more educated opinion....:popcorn:

Fire Haley
05-29-2009, 06:25 PM
So trauben's gay lesbian ex-lover is trying to contact her? - I don't see a problem with that.

SteelersinCA
05-29-2009, 06:55 PM
So trauben's gay lesbian ex-lover is trying to contact her? - I don't see a problem with that.

Ditto.:toofunny: