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Hammer67
06-08-2009, 12:50 PM
Anyone have that friend that just falls off the face of the earth when he gets a girlfriend/wife???

I have seen it countless times. I have a friend who just stopped hanging out with everyone he knows (he may be running with her friends now, who knows?). Now, I may not be the most social guy out there, but I value the guys weekend or night out (as much as my wife does for the girls) and even couples going out, as well.

Why do some people feel the need to totally abandon their friends once they enter a relationship? It's as if you were just a social place holder for them until they met a mate....how depressing.

:coffee:

MACH1
06-08-2009, 12:59 PM
It happens. I have friends like that also.

Ive even been accused of it myself, but that was only after our kid was born. Kids take up a lot of time. LOL

Dino 6 Rings
06-08-2009, 12:59 PM
Sometimes, when the guy meets the girl he starts doing different things, things that are "new". Not going to the same bar, same club, trying new things. Sometimes they are traveling to new places, doing the whole "Have you ever wanted to..." thing and going around together in their new fresh relationship.

Its like that new subway sandwhich, you always liked the BMT, then along comes the Feast, and you eat it, you keep eating it, time and time again, you eat the Feast, then one day, you are in line, and you think, you know what...I miss the BMT. And you go back to it.

Give it time, he'll be back.

lamberts-lost-tooth
06-08-2009, 01:03 PM
Anyone have that friend that just falls off the face of the earth when he gets a girlfriend/wife???

I have seen it countless times. I have a friend who just stopped hanging out with everyone he knows (he may be running with her friends now, who knows?). Now, I may not be the most social guy out there, but I value the guys weekend or night out (as much as my wife does for the girls) and even couples going out, as well.

Why do some people feel the need to totally abandon their friends once they enter a relationship? It's as if you were just a social place holder for them until they met a mate....how depressing.

:coffee:

In my case (when I was single)...it was the girl who pushed that agenda. There are just certain females who feel that "If you really care about me...show me that I am #1 in your life...and tell your friends that you are spending the night with me".

Sometimes they flat out say it...sometimes it is more passive-aggressive and you would just catch "attitude" and "drama" in an attempt to make you think its just not worth going out with the guys. In my case, it went over like a turd in a punch bowl, and I would call it out for what it was....insecurity!!!.

I can think of at least two girls that I had to kindly tell that they needed to "grow-up" and that it really wouldnt be in their best interest to give me an ultimatum.

I would bet that your buddy has a high maintenance girl, and that at times she is something of a drama queen.

In short..your buddy has been "neurtered".

Hammer67
06-08-2009, 01:12 PM
In short..your buddy has been "neurtered".

That's exactly it.

It's insecurity on the significant other's part and his own insecurity for not addressing it. The funny thing is we had another friend who got divorced recently and this was one of the major symptoms of the marriage falling apart. He swore NEVER to be that way again, after crawling back to his friends. Now, he is remarried and, for the first time, we actually go out to dinner, wives and all!!

Anyway, there really is no excuse for it, kids, marriage, whatever. My friends are spread out across the US. One is in California, one in NC, one in Pittsburgh, one in Buffalo and I'm in Detroit. We still get together from time to time when we can...and almost all of us have jobs, kids and wives.

I don't care enough to be pissed...I'm just diappointed.

Fire Haley
06-08-2009, 01:47 PM
A wife wakes up and sees her husband isn't in bed. She finds him in the kitchen crying over a cup of coffee.

"What's wrong?" the wife asks.

"Remember when you were only 16 and I was 18 and your dad caught us in the back seat of my car? He put a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or you'll go to jail for twenty years.'"

The wife says, "Of course I remember. But, why are you crying?"

"Today is the day I would have been let out of jail!"

Hammer67
06-08-2009, 02:02 PM
A wife wakes up and sees her husband isn't in bed. She finds him in the kitchen crying over a cup of coffee.

"What's wrong?" the wife asks.

"Remember when you were only 16 and I was 18 and your dad caught us in the back seat of my car? He put a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or you'll go to jail for twenty years.'"

The wife says, "Of course I remember. But, why are you crying?"

"Today is the day I would have been let out of jail!"

That is pretty funny, but, the point is a marriage does not have to be a prison term. Insecurity is the doom of marriages...thank GOD my wife has low to nill insecurity....that was one of the main factors that attracted me to her.

Fire Haley
06-08-2009, 02:25 PM
Maybe it's time you gave up your gay love for your guy.

lamberts-lost-tooth
06-08-2009, 02:29 PM
Maybe it's time you gave up your gay love for your guy.

WTF!!!
:noidea:

Fire Haley
06-08-2009, 02:36 PM
Hammer is a girl? Well I guess I screwed up that joke.

lamberts-lost-tooth
06-08-2009, 02:49 PM
Hammer is a girl? Well I guess I screwed up that joke.

No he's a dude

Hammer67
06-08-2009, 02:50 PM
Maybe it's time you gave up your gay love for your guy.

Um....ok. :screwy:

Fire Haley
06-08-2009, 03:23 PM
Pining for lost boyfriends is a girl thing.

Unless he's your only drug connection, then it's acceptable.

lamberts-lost-tooth
06-08-2009, 04:04 PM
Pining for lost boyfriends is a girl thing.

Unless he's your only drug connection, then it's acceptable.

I dont know...I have friends from the service that are closer to me than brothers...I would do anything for them.

Dino 6 Rings
06-08-2009, 04:05 PM
I dont know...I have friends from the service that are closer to me than brothers...I would do anything for them.

Anything you say....you sure got a pretty mouth!:flap:

lamberts-lost-tooth
06-08-2009, 04:10 PM
Anything you say....you sure got a pretty mouth!:flap:

c'mere.....:buttkick:

beSteelmyheart
06-08-2009, 08:27 PM
But anyway...:uhh:
We know of a guy like that, he started off as a neighbor & moved away & met a girl who is going to FIT...She is a direct descendent of the atom bomb guy (as in, "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds) We kept in touch a little after that but in a gradual way he disappeared.
It's sad because he is an entertaining intelligent guy, even though he is a Baltimore fan. Football season was funny with him around, my Browns fan fiancee & myself, we would all give each other a hard time.
I miss the guy, I hope he is ok-we've moved recently & I'll mention for my fiancee to call him but we've kind of given up on him.

Hammer67
06-08-2009, 08:44 PM
Pining for lost boyfriends is a girl thing.

Unless he's your only drug connection, then it's acceptable.


Or, your comfortable with your hetrosexuality and just think your bud is being lame, but, whatever.
:noidea:

lamberts-lost-tooth
06-08-2009, 08:57 PM
But anyway...:uhh:
We know of a guy like that, he started off as a neighbor & moved away & met a girl who is going to FIT...She is a direct descendent of the atom bomb guy (as in, "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds) We kept in touch a little after that but in a gradual way he disappeared.
It's sad because he is an entertaining intelligent guy, even though he is a Baltimore fan. Football season was funny with him around, my Browns fan fiancee & myself, we would all give each other a hard time.
I miss the guy, I hope he is ok-we've moved recently & I'll mention for my fiancee to call him but we've kind of given up on him.

Working in law-enforcement I can tell you that we spend alot of time trying to "find" people...and believe it or not...we use the free internet people search "Zabasearch" very often...take a look.

X-Terminator
06-09-2009, 01:12 AM
Had this happen to me too - had a close friend in college and we were inseparable. Wherever you saw him, chances are I was there, and vice-versa. Then he got involved with a girl right before I left college, and we kept in touch for almost a year after that. And then POOF! He vanished. Never knew why or what had happened, but I bet it had something to do with the girl he'd met. I tried searching for him online a few years ago, but came up empty. It's a shame - he was the best male friend I've ever had. We raised some hell together.

As for the relationship thing, if by some chance I ever become involved with another woman down the line, there is one rule that I will not compromise on, and that is I will not give up my friends or spending time with them. The overwhelming majority of my friends are female with HTG being my best friend, and that could be an issue, but that's the way it's going to be. I'd have no problem if she went out with her friends male or female, so I'd expect the same in return, or it just won't work.

SCSTILLER
06-09-2009, 07:08 AM
OK, maybe I am "that" guy now. Me and my fiancee are together 95% of the time anymore. I am working during the day, and then going to school at night, and the nights I am not in school I am doing paper and homework and all that college crap. The only time we get to do things together is on the weekend, so we spend our time together then. My buddies have given me crap about the whole "can you sign your balls out today" or "can you get a kitchen pass" but it is not intentional, it is just the only time we can see each other. I do hang out with my buddies ALOT during the football season and I go over when there is a get together or a birthday party etc. but as for just hanging out, don't really do it anymore. Plus, now that I have started my relationship with my fiance I have discovered new things to do and do together. It is not that I don't consider my friends close anymore, anyone one of them needed my help I am there in a heartbeat, but time is limited.

Hammer67
06-09-2009, 07:59 AM
OK, maybe I am "that" guy now. Me and my fiancee are together 95% of the time anymore. I am working during the day, and then going to school at night, and the nights I am not in school I am doing paper and homework and all that college crap. The only time we get to do things together is on the weekend, so we spend our time together then. My buddies have given me crap about the whole "can you sign your balls out today" or "can you get a kitchen pass" but it is not intentional, it is just the only time we can see each other. I do hang out with my buddies ALOT during the football season and I go over when there is a get together or a birthday party etc. but as for just hanging out, don't really do it anymore. Plus, now that I have started my relationship with my fiance I have discovered new things to do and do together. It is not that I don't consider my friends close anymore, anyone one of them needed my help I am there in a heartbeat, but time is limited.

The biggest mistake you can make would be to diss them all and disappear. You can do things as a group, including your wife. One thing I learned is that if I allow my wife to hang out with my friends and me, she gets to know them and become friendly with them. That way, her trust level is much more comfortable if we have a guys trip, or what have you. I was sweating a trip to Vegas and the Rose Bowl this year with a few college friends, especially since my daughter was born a few months before...but my wife said "Don't worry about it, it's the Rose Bowl! Have a good time." That's why I love her...

SCSTILLER
06-09-2009, 09:13 AM
The biggest mistake you can make would be to diss them all and disappear. You can do things as a group, including your wife. One thing I learned is that if I allow my wife to hand out with my friends, she gets to know them and become friendly with them. That way, her trust level is much more comfortable if we have a guys trip, or what have you. I was sweating a trip to Vegas and the Rose Bowl this year with a few college friends, especially since my daughter was born a few months before...but my wife said "Don't worry about it, it's the Rose Bowl! Have a good time." That's why I love her...

My fiance has met all my friends and likes them all. She is comfortable with me hanging out and having guys nights. She is cool in the fact that for the Super Bowl (she is not a big sports fan) she drove me to my friends house and then picked my drunk arse up after the game and was happy to do it. I still get crap from my friends though if I already have plans with her and they call wanting to do something, but I expect nothing less.

MACH1
06-09-2009, 09:13 AM
The biggest mistake you can make would be to diss them all and disappear. You can do things as a group, including your wife. One thing I learned is that if I allow my wife to hand out with my friends, she gets to know them and become friendly with them. That way, her trust level is much more comfortable if we have a guys trip, or what have you. I was sweating a trip to Vegas and the Rose Bowl this year with a few college friends, especially since my daughter was born a few months before...but my wife said "Don't worry about it, it's the Rose Bowl! Have a good time." That's why I love her...

Umm I bet she does. :wink02:

Hammer67
06-09-2009, 09:35 AM
Umm I bet she does. :wink02:

Caught it before you did... lol

vasteeler
06-09-2009, 10:44 AM
to make a long story short my best friend growing i knew since i was abiut 5
he got married at 19 and i swaer i never saw him again untill he divorced than he shows up at my door trying to pick up wear we left off problem was it was 7 years later i didnt even know him any more.sadly i havent seen him since

Dino 6 Rings
06-09-2009, 10:47 AM
my wife has encouraged me to have a poker night at our house once a month. Its pretty sweet. She makes all the food, cleans the place up, I have 6 guys come over and we play poker for hours and drink beers and have a good time. She usually sits in a different room watching the TV and leaves us to be MEN.

Its important for Men to get to be Men. And its easy to do without chasing skirts or dames around.

Golf outings are another good way to get some time in with the guys without being in the bar all drunk flirting with chicks. That's probably the biggest mistake dudes make when trying to go out with the guys. Going to the bar.

Try Golfing, Fishing, Poker nights, Sporting Events. Stay out of the bars, you'll both be happier.

Hammer67
06-09-2009, 12:11 PM
my wife has encouraged me to have a poker night at our house once a month. Its pretty sweet. She makes all the food, cleans the place up, I have 6 guys come over and we play poker for hours and drink beers and have a good time. She usually sits in a different room watching the TV and leaves us to be MEN.

Its important for Men to get to be Men. And its easy to do without chasing skirts or dames around.

Golf outings are another good way to get some time in with the guys without being in the bar all drunk flirting with chicks. That's probably the biggest mistake dudes make when trying to go out with the guys. Going to the bar.

Try Golfing, Fishing, Poker nights, Sporting Events. Stay out of the bars, you'll both be happier.

Yes sir, absolutely agree. The problem arises when one of the "men" is not allowed to participate in even these harmless excursions.