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View Full Version : What If: The Retarded Version


revefsreleets
06-30-2009, 12:19 PM
I've been reading a lot of stuff on these boards this offseason that makes me chuckle (and some stuff that's SO stupid, it makes me angry), but I got to wondering: What IF some of the know-it-alls here actually DID get to run the team? How would it look? Would we win any games?

I decided to compile a few here and get the ball rolling...please chime in with the ones I'm forgetting. In the end we can examine the team that would take the field and see what the play-calling would be like.

(This is in the Blast Furnace for good reason)

-We'd start with the obvious. Bruce Arians would be fired, and we'd bring in a new OC, one who runs the ball 60% of the time, because "That's Steelers football".

-Parker would be cut, and Mewelde Moore would be the starter, because the Steelers are only effective with MM in the game.

-Timmons would be cut because he'll be too expensive in 3 years (see where this is headed?)


Please feel free to chime in with any and all "suggestions".:wave:

fansince'76
06-30-2009, 12:27 PM
We wouldn't have sniffed the SB because a few idiots here wanted to bench Ben and start Leftwich for the playoffs.

revefsreleets
06-30-2009, 12:30 PM
That's the spirit!

So we have a two-deep of
QB- 1) Lefty 2) Ben
RB- 1) MM 2) Gary Russell (because we cut Parker)

fansince'76
06-30-2009, 12:35 PM
Don't forget mortgaging approx. the next half-decade worth of drafts to be able to trade up far enough to get Mack in the most recent draft!

stlrtruck
06-30-2009, 12:53 PM
We'd have an all rookie offensive line

Dino 6 Rings
06-30-2009, 01:00 PM
We'd trade Santionio Holmes now because he's going to be too expensive to keep.

vasteeler
06-30-2009, 02:05 PM
get rid of polamalu cause he is washed up and injury prone

MACH1
06-30-2009, 03:26 PM
Would have traded for ochostinko and signed vick.

HometownGal
06-30-2009, 03:31 PM
We'd trade Santionio Holmes now because he's going to be too expensive to keep.

Get rid of Sweeeeeed because he dropped that pass in the playoff game against the Rats. Like Ben and FWP - he suuuuuuucks. :rolleyes:

HometownGal
06-30-2009, 07:38 PM
I'm sure some of you remember the moron a few years back who said Dick Lebeau should retire as he is "too old and the game has passed him by". :doh:

EDIT: Gary just reminded me that this idiot also included with his moronic post that "Dick Lebeau pisses his pants". :laughing:

SteelCityKing
06-30-2009, 07:54 PM
what if Big Ben would've thrown a pick on that last pass in the Super Bowl!?

he'd be the next Neil O'Donnell and we would've kept Leftwich and started him next season. haha!

*shudders at the thought*

tony hipchest
06-30-2009, 08:23 PM
great thread.

james harrison and hines ward are allowed to play out the final years of their contract and leave next season (both on the wrong side of 30).

we never franchise starks and jordan gross receives the richest lineman deal in nfl history to replace t. hills who replaces an injured m. smith.

with faneca still here we now have the strongest left side in the league. of course this dont matter last season much when g. russell, dookie, and dixon are called on to win games against the ravens and washington. w/o moore or leftwich we lose both and miss the playoffs.

HometownGal
06-30-2009, 08:29 PM
Take Ben out and put in Batch!!!!! :horror:

touchdownward
06-30-2009, 11:20 PM
This one is my favorite.

I remembered his post from March of '08 and this one from September of '08. In the history of being wrong, I can't find a better example of someone that was more wrong in their opinion. He got ripped, cried and subsequently "left the building". :chuckle:

http://forums.steelersfever.com/showthread.php?t=27472

Preacher
07-01-2009, 02:35 AM
I'm sure some of you remember the moron a few years back who said Dick Lebeau should retire as he is "too old and the game has passed him by". :doh:

EDIT: Gary just reminded me that this idiot also included with his moronic post that "Dick Lebeau pisses his pants". :laughing:

Actually, I was one of those wondering if the fire-blitz scheme had see its day, and that it was time to move on to another scheme, mainly because our secondary kept getting burnt. As it turns out, it seems that it was a bit of Cowher holding Lebeau back a bit, and also Tomlin helping with the DB's.

Oh yeah... and for this thread. . .

Sign Porter... We can't win without him.

stillers4me
07-01-2009, 06:22 AM
I guess Dan was so disgusted, he left the country. Enough is enough! :chuckle:

X-Terminator
07-01-2009, 06:54 AM
Our offensive and defensive playbooks would be developed from Madden NFL 10.

fansince'76
07-01-2009, 07:42 AM
I'm sure some of you remember the moron a few years back who said Dick Lebeau should retire as he is "too old and the game has passed him by". :doh:

Yep: More slack-jawed stupidity (http://www.steelersfever.com/forums/showthread.php?p=347260#post347260)

....And even more (http://forums.steelersfever.com/showthread.php?p=354396#post354396)

:rolleyes:

fansince'76
07-01-2009, 08:04 AM
And now that we're on the subject of coaching changes....

Another complete friggin' moron (http://forums.steelersfever.com/showthread.php?p=462842#post462842)

revefsreleets
07-01-2009, 09:34 AM
Wow...so what does the coaching staff and two-deep chart look like now?

Dino 6 Rings
07-01-2009, 09:38 AM
And now that we're on the subject of coaching changes....

Another complete friggin' moron (http://forums.steelersfever.com/showthread.php?p=462842#post462842)

That's Comedy GOLD!!!!

MACH1
07-01-2009, 11:54 AM
Lets call this play it works great on Madden.

fansince'76
07-01-2009, 12:13 PM
Trade Ben for Brady Quinn! Ben sucks and he's overpaid!

No disrespect to Ben but he isn't the quaterback we all thought he as gonna be i mean after he got the big check a flip switched and plus i personally thought they should have traded him for brady quinn last season or this season and/or eli manning back in the draft...

http://forums.steelersfever.com/showthread.php?p=472191#post472191

What a mouth breather. :toofunny: :toofunny: :toofunny:

Dino 6 Rings
07-01-2009, 12:23 PM
Got to love the Single to low 20 posters who come on, yell at something ridiculous then move on. Without them, what fun would this really be after all.

I'm still a fan of Mr "Big Ben Godsend" Who's name we aren't allowed to mention around here anymore.

That guy was HILARIOUS!!!

I wonder if he was rooting against Ben making a big play in the final drive of the Super Bowl.

fansince'76
07-01-2009, 12:33 PM
I'm still a fan of Mr "Big Ben Godsend" Who's name we aren't allowed to mention around here anymore.

That guy was HILARIOUS!!!

I wonder if he was rooting against Ben making a big play in the final drive of the Super Bowl.

IMO, the single funniest post in the history of this board. "Saint Ben" hates kids!

My cousin and his 11 year old son went to training camp last year. Now my cousin's son had a serious case of hero worship with Saint Ben. The player were doing autographs when Saint Ben came along the line. My cousin's son asked the sainted one for an autograph. Instead of saying something semi-polite like "not now kid" or even "I'm busy" he looks this 11 year right in the eyes and says to him....


....."**** off kid, you don't have tits."


So yeah, he's a prick.

BS: I hope he does think I'm a prick because it takes one to know one.

And stillers.....he throws Cowher under the bus every chance he gets.

http://www.steelersfever.com/forums/showthread.php?p=337484#post337484

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Dino 6 Rings
07-01-2009, 12:52 PM
IMO, the single funniest post in the history of this board. "Saint Ben" hates kids!



http://www.steelersfever.com/forums/showthread.php?p=337484#post337484

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Comedy.

Wasn't he banned for 30 days, then the 1st day back Banned for Life?

I wonder if he talks up the Steelers and Ben now that they are the 2 time champs to all his buddies wherever he is, or if he still goes around saying Big Ben Godsend or St Ben or whatever nonsense name he has for Ben.

X-Terminator
07-01-2009, 12:59 PM
Thanks for the trip down memory lane, Gary! I definitely needed the laugh! :rofl:

We have really had some major-league simpletons around here in the 3 years I've been here.

HometownGal
07-01-2009, 04:26 PM
IMO, the single funniest post in the history of this board. "Saint Ben" hates kids!



http://www.steelersfever.com/forums/showthread.php?p=337484#post337484

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:

That guy was just a miserable SOB. I think he hated his own mother.

RoethlisBURGHer
07-01-2009, 05:33 PM
I hated Jeremy, I wasn't even sure if he was a Steeler fan. If brains were dynamite, his fuse wouldn't even burn.

Preacher
07-01-2009, 05:35 PM
IMO, the single funniest post in the history of this board. "Saint Ben" hates kids!



http://www.steelersfever.com/forums/showthread.php?p=337484#post337484

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:

That guy was just a miserable SOB. I think he hated his own mother.

:laughing:

It sure would have been fun to see him around this board just after the SB though. Just how much crow can one man eat?

tony hipchest
07-02-2009, 12:24 AM
john kuhn... nuff said.

farrior = wrong side of 30 = gone.

Preacher
07-02-2009, 03:34 AM
john kuhn... nuff said.

farrior = wrong side of 30 = gone.

lives in New Mexico....

wait, what are we doing? :chuckle:

fansince'76
07-02-2009, 08:28 AM
How could I forget one of the most obvious, hackneyed and idiotic of all....the Rooneys are cheap!

revefsreleets
07-02-2009, 08:47 AM
So does anyone have the time and inclination to mock up an official "What If" depth chart and coaching roster?

fansince'76
07-02-2009, 09:09 AM
So does anyone have the time and inclination to mock up an official "What If" depth chart and coaching roster?

Here's what I have so far:

Owner - Mark Cuban (because he knows how to (over)spend money and that's always the best way to build a championship team)

HC: Grimm or Wiz

OC: Anybody BUT Arians

DC: Billick (yes, I actually saw some nimrod suggest Billick to replace LeBeau after he got fired as HC of the Ravens)

QB- 1) Lefty 2) Quinn (since we would have traded Ben for him) 3) Vick (because we just gotta have his gamebreaking ability somewhere on the roster)

RB- 1) MM 2) Gary Russell (because we cut Parker) 3) Kuhn 4) TJ Duckett (his name is always coming up here)

WR- 1) Ocho Cinco 2) Hines 3) Burress 4) Santo 5) T.O. (hey, he only has a 1-year commitment with the Bills and all he cares about is winning, not his own personal numbers or anything)

TE- 1) Shockey (seems like a natural choice for the retard "what if" team) 2) Miller

OL - shitcan the lot of them and start 5 of the rookie O-linemen that we would have dedicated every pick in the latest draft to.

On defense? Well, naturally Peezy would still be here and Harrison would still be riding the bench. Troy would have been gone 2 years ago since he was "washed up" then. Farrior would be gone because he's too old as well. I will work on the D later. C'mon people, we need some more on this side of the ball! :chuckle:

SteelMember
07-02-2009, 09:47 AM
C'mon people, we need some more on this side of the ball! :chuckle:

Ike isn't a true cover corner. We need DeAngelo Hall.

Carter is a bum. Anyone would be better.

Hampton is too fat. His knees will be shot soon.

Timmons is a bust. Trade him now while he still has a little value.

That's all I got for now. :chuckle:

fansince'76
07-02-2009, 10:07 AM
Ike isn't a true cover corner. We need DeAngelo Hall.

Carter is a bum. Anyone would be better.

Hampton is too fat. His knees will be shot soon.

Timmons is a bust. Trade him now while he still has a little value.

That's all I got for now. :chuckle:

That's right! I forgot about Hall! Also, I saw a few clamorings around here for Pacman when he was available - gotta get him too, and he can return kicks to boot!

And naturally we'll switch back to the 4-3, since "everybody's figured out the 3-4," so of course Big Snack's gotta go and we would have gotten Julius Peppers (gotta keep the Pats from getting him) and Albert Haynesworth (since the salary cap is no object and is constantly ignored by more than a few nimrods here anyway) as well. Our D is starting to come together. :chuckle:

revefsreleets
07-02-2009, 10:18 AM
Wait, do we dump Timmons because he is a bust, or because he's a stud and will be too expensive in 4 years?

SteelMember
07-02-2009, 11:15 AM
Wait, do we dump Timmons because he is a bust, or because he's a stud and will be too expensive in 4 years?

The arguement has been made either way...

I only used bust, because a 1st round pick should be starting by now, and middle linebackers are easier to come by. :wink02:

stlrtruck
07-02-2009, 11:20 AM
What about having Fatboy from Tennessee - Lendale White. Wasn't there some back and forth to snag him?

MACH1
07-02-2009, 12:45 PM
Wasn't there some talk of dumping Tomlin for Cowher when he unretires.

And of course the Rooneys should sell to a billionaire so they could be like the redskins and pick up more free agents.

Dino 6 Rings
07-02-2009, 12:46 PM
Guilty, I did think we could have Drafted White at the time. Guess I'm a moron. Dang it!!!

Pretty sure I still want to Trade for Steven Jackson though...I'm not changing my mind about that EVER. I'll give up a 3rd round pick in 2018 and a 2nd round pick in 2022 for the Rights to Steven Jackson. Yep, that's my deal on the table for the Rams, they are so stupid, they'll do it.

revefsreleets
07-03-2009, 01:59 PM
I was a big fan of Jackson, too....HOWEVER, he was drafted in 2004, which just so happened to be the year we drafted a guy named Ben Roethlisberger at #11, so, I'd say we chose wisely that year.

That was a weak draft for us overall. Colclough at #38 which was a bust, then Starks in the 3rd.

The rest was ugly. Nat Adibi, Bo Lacy, Matt Kranchick, Drew Caylor and Matt Taylor.

stillers4me
07-03-2009, 02:09 PM
Alot of people wanted to cut both Santonio and Harrison because of off field issues.

That Superbowl game would have turned out a bit different....eh?

revefsreleets
07-03-2009, 02:38 PM
Alot of people wanted to cut both Santonio and Harrison because of off field issues.

That Superbowl game would have turned out a bit different....eh?

Good point.

steelax04
07-08-2009, 02:17 PM
Any draft picks moving forward can only be from Penn State.

Dino 6 Rings
07-09-2009, 04:22 PM
Any draft picks moving forward can only be from Penn State.

If that ever happened, I'd kill myself.

Dino 6 Rings
07-09-2009, 04:23 PM
I was a big fan of Jackson, too....HOWEVER, he was drafted in 2004, which just so happened to be the year we drafted a guy named Ben Roethlisberger at #11, so, I'd say we chose wisely that year.

That was a weak draft for us overall. Colclough at #38 which was a bust, then Starks in the 3rd.

The rest was ugly. Nat Adibi, Bo Lacy, Matt Kranchick, Drew Caylor and Matt Taylor.

True but I'm more alluding to the "Bettis" trade Redux than actually drafting the guy from the begining :thumbsup: