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Sleepless In Seattle
01-31-2006, 04:40 PM
:sign01: :tt: :tt:

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Joey Porter allows to live.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Joey Porter once and he will f**k you up.

Joey Porter has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Joey Porter is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Joey Porter.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Joey Porter walks.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Joey Porter out. It failed
miserably.

When Joey Porter sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Joey Porter has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Joey Porter once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Joey Porter won by 5.

There are no races, only countries of people Joey Porter has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Joey Porter falls in water, Joey Porter doesn't get wet. Water gets Joey Porter

Joey Porter's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through

Joey Porter doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Joey Porter can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Joey Porter has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears

Joey Porter doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Joey Porter throws down!

Joey Porter grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Joey Porter ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Little known medical fact: Joey Porter invented the Caesarean section when he kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Joey Porter doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Joey Porter lives in Pittsburgh.

Joey Porter can touch MC Hammer

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Joey Porter pajamas.

When Joey Porter does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Joey Porter can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night

If Joey Porter were a calendar, every month would be named Joeytober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Joey Porter was what Willis was talkin' about

Google won't search for Joey Porter because it knows you don't find Joey Porter, he finds you.

It is scientifically impossible for Joey Porter to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Joey Porter a giant meteor

Joey Porter is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Joey Porter is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When God said, "let there be light", Joey Porter said, "say 'please'

Joey Porter uses a night light. Not because Joey Porter is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Joey Porter.

Joey Porter once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Joey Porter doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Joey Porter will beat his ass and take it.

The First rule of Joey Porter is: you do not talk about Joey Porter.

If Joey Porter wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

Joey Porter doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares

Joey Porter doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer

When Joey Porter wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken

Joey Porter invented all 32 letters of the alphabet

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Joey Porter hears it. Joey Porter can hear everything. Joey Porter can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.


GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!

BB2W
01-31-2006, 04:55 PM
Here are my favorites...


Joey Porter is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Joey Porter.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Joey Porter lives in Pittsburgh.

Joey Porter once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Joey Porter won by 5.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Joey Porter pajamas.

When God said, "let there be light", Joey Porter said, "say 'please'

Joey Porter doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer

When Joey Porter wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken

:rofl:

RoethlisBURGHer
01-31-2006, 04:57 PM
It's official,Joey Porter is officially the BIGGEST BADASS EVER!

Next person to get f--ked up?Matt Hasselbeck!

tony hipchest
01-31-2006, 05:01 PM
joey porter tried to kick ray lewis' ass outside the team bus after a game. he was on crutches and had a fresh bullet wound in his butt. lmao!

clevestinks
01-31-2006, 05:05 PM
Yes Joey rocks, and should be re signed in a hurry!

BB2W
01-31-2006, 05:12 PM
joey porter tried to kick ray lewis' ass outside the team bus after a game. he was on crutches and had a fresh bullet wound in his butt. lmao!
It was after the game that Lewis got a sack and did Joey's "kick" celebration... rumor has it Ray Ray didn't get off the bus.

tony hipchest
01-31-2006, 05:24 PM
It was after the game that Lewis got a sack and did Joey's "kick" celebration... rumor has it Ray Ray didn't get off the bus.

while established, porter officially became a steeler that day, and assumed the role of tough guy lb paved by the likes of lambert and lloyd. bonus points for socking w. green and pushing down t. heap on a totally legal play i.e. doing his job.

atrus20
01-31-2006, 05:53 PM
lol nice rewording of the chuck norris list.

Sleepless In Seattle
01-31-2006, 06:09 PM
Remember Chuck is watching!

atrus20
01-31-2006, 06:13 PM
Cause he never blinks... NEVER!

shevdog
01-31-2006, 06:17 PM
This is actually a "Chuck Norris" rip off, since some one did this up for Chuck Norris. Still it fits Porter well.

Cebby
01-31-2006, 06:26 PM
Here's the full list. Hope you have some time on your hands. It's some funny chit tho'

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html

Milkman
01-31-2006, 06:31 PM
Nice read since I never saw the Chuck list myself!

Sleepless In Seattle
01-31-2006, 06:34 PM
Does it really matter where it came from? THE POINT IS JOEY PORTER RULES!

Avoid Lloyd
01-31-2006, 06:45 PM
The main export of Joey Porter is pain.

HburgXL06
01-31-2006, 07:06 PM
Joey Porter ain't made of steel, steel is made of Joey Porter.

BuFu

tony hipchest
01-31-2006, 07:47 PM
j. porter farted in 10 1/2 times in games this year. a sack was recorded each time.