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CantStop85
04-08-2006, 07:50 PM
Very funny overview of the upcoming season...here are some of the more pertinent quotes:


Week 1
Buffalo at New England -- New England opens against a 5-11 team that has a new coach, making it a bit tough for the Patriots to claim the NFL is using the schedule to conspire against them this year.

Seattle at Detroit -- The Seahawks return to the site of last year's Super Bowl, and the Lions already have their game plan drawn up: "Leave Jerramy Stevens wide open at all times."

Cincinnati at Kansas City -- One of the best-known sayings in sports is: "Defense wins championships." A lesser-known saying that's no less true is this one: "The Bengals and Chiefs won't win a championship anytime soon."

Week 2
New England at NY Jets -- The conspiracy against the Patriots continues as they are forced to play the mighty Jets.

Kansas City at Denver -- After opening with a tough game against the Bengals, the Chiefs could start the season 0-2, meaning they'll start that push for more playoff teams again.

Pittsburgh at Jacksonville -- Jaguars cornerback Rashean Mathis said it was a "statement game" last year when Jacksonville beat Pittsburgh in overtime. He was right. The statement was: "We're barely good enough to beat a team quarterbacked by Tommy Maddox."

Week 3
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh -- The start of the game will be delayed a few minutes so the Steelers can retire Kimo von Oelhoffen's number.

Week 4
New England at Cincinnati -- This game likely will serve as another reminder to the Patriots that they might want to think about improving their secondary one of these offseasons if they can manage to find the time while ridding themselves of franchise legends.

Week 5
Miami at New England -- The Patriots are faced here with the displeasure of actually having to play a decent team from within their division for the first time in years. That doesn't seem right. Down is up, up is down. The whole world is crashing around us.

Week 7
Pittsburgh at Atlanta -- Like Valtrex is to herpes, Troy Polamalu is to Michael Vick.

Denver at Cleveland -- The Broncos head to Cleveland to see whether there are any more mediocre lineman they can have.

Pittsburgh at Oakland -- Thirty-four years ago, the Raiders lost to the Steelers on the "Immaculate Reception." Now, Oakland gets a chance at payback, as any pass Aaron Brooks completes has to be seen as a once-in-a-lifetime experience touched by God.

Week 9
Denver at Pittsburgh -- It's a rematch of last season's AFC Championship Game, which -- much to the media's chagrin -- didn't include these two teams...

Indianapolis at New England -- Here's hoping Adam Vinatieri misses a last-second, game-winning kick and then Martin Gramatica, like his brother, blows out his knee celebrating.

Week 10
New Orleans at Pittsburgh -- Ben Roethlisberger sat out of Pittsburgh's Week 10 game last season with injuries. If that happens again, the Saints might have a chance. (Actually, that's not true. They still wouldn't have a chance. But I don't want to destroy anyone's hope.)

Washington at Philadelphia -- Watch out, Eagles. Antwaan Randle El might throw one of those trick passes the Redskins are paying him $30 million over seven years for. That's more than worth it for one such pass a year against a division rival, right? Right?!

Week 13
Detroit at New England -- Seriously, this brutal schedule the Patriots have is so unfair! The inhumanity!

Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh -- It's a matchup of the last two coaches with freakish cartoon faces to win Super Bowls.

Week 14
Oakland at Cincinnati -- Al Davis finally gets to see the vertical aerial attack he has wanted for years. Unfortunately for him, it's not his team.

Week 15
Cleveland at Baltimore -- Punting is awesome.

Pittsburgh at Carolina -- This could be a Super Bowl preview. Or, if someone decides to actually cover Steve Smith again in the playoffs like the Seahawks did, it could very well not be.


Rest of article: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/060407

tony hipchest
04-08-2006, 07:58 PM
you dont find the disparaging remarks against the patriots offensive and a disgrace to football?

i found the write up funny too.

Mr. Clean
04-09-2006, 09:45 AM
"Punting is awesome" is the best.

83-Steelers-43
04-09-2006, 11:01 AM
Seattle at Detroit -- The Seahawks return to the site of last year's Super Bowl, and the Lions already have their game plan drawn up: "Leave Jerramy Stevens wide open at all times."

:toofunny:

BlackNGold203
04-09-2006, 01:13 PM
Pittsburgh at Jacksonville -- Jaguars cornerback Rashean Mathis said it was a "statement game" last year when Jacksonville beat Pittsburgh in overtime. He was right. The statement was: "We're barely good enough to beat a team quarterbacked by Tommy Maddox."



LMAO

BlackNGold203
04-09-2006, 01:14 PM
Week 7
Pittsburgh at Atlanta -- Like Valtrex is to herpes, Troy Polamalu is to Michael Vick.


Classic....LMAO

BlackNGold203
04-09-2006, 01:15 PM
Pittsburgh at Oakland -- Thirty-four years ago, the Raiders lost to the Steelers on the "Immaculate Reception." Now, Oakland gets a chance at payback, as any pass Aaron Brooks completes has to be seen as a once-in-a-lifetime experience touched by God.


LMAO....another good one.....