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View Full Version : Life's Great Mysteries.


Buddha Bus
04-01-2011, 09:09 PM
Got a question about the world that has you scratching your head? Ask it here. Maybe we'll get some damned answers! :chuckle:

Buddha Bus
04-01-2011, 09:09 PM
* If 7-11 is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the doors?

* How do porcupines have sex?

* Who the hell drinks near-beer?

* How do you tell when sour cream goes bad?

* What is so awesome about sliced bread?

* What's the youngest you can be to die of old age?

Buddha Bus
04-01-2011, 09:10 PM
Who created God?

stlrtruck
04-01-2011, 09:31 PM
Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Why do people say 6 in one hand and half a dozen in the other when it's really 5 in one hand and half of ten in the other?

stlrtruck
04-01-2011, 11:13 PM
And why in basketball do they say, "Good Hard Foul"?

MattsMe
04-02-2011, 12:31 AM
If teflon is so nonstick, how do they keep it stuck to the bottom of the frying pan?

If a fly lost its wings, would it be called a walk?

If a turtle lost its shell, would it be naked or homeless?

And the greatest mystery of all...

Where the hell is Tony Hipchest?

ricardisimo
04-02-2011, 01:52 AM
If teflon is so nonstick, how do they keep it stuck to the bottom of the frying pan?

If a fly lost its wings, would it be called a walk?

If a turtle lost its shell, would it be naked or homeless?

And the greatest mystery of all...

Where the hell is Tony Hipchest?
I'm not sure which applies best to Tony's case:
http://th08.deviantart.net/fs70/300W/i/2010/026/8/c/___is_Carmen_Sandiego_by_CallMePo.jpg
http://www.fistofblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/wheres_waldo.jpg

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 02:03 AM
What the f*ck is this thing?

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2368/2169050955_8834aa0d41.jpg

vasteeler
04-02-2011, 09:37 AM
What the f*ck is this thing?

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2368/2169050955_8834aa0d41.jpg

I dont know but i crapped out something similar this morning

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 11:56 AM
I dont know but i crapped out something similar this morning


VA, I think you'd better go see a doctor! :horror:

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 12:45 PM
Who is on first? :hunch:

Wallace108
04-02-2011, 12:50 PM
Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Why do feet smell and noses run?

Why is QUITE A FEW the same as QUITE A LOT?

Why could Superman stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 12:52 PM
Why does tomorrow never come?

Wallace108
04-02-2011, 12:54 PM
Who the hell is The Man?

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 12:57 PM
Who the hell is The Man?

Easy. Ric Flair.


yjW9UXoKU2s&feature=related


What do I win?

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 12:58 PM
From FunnyForwards.com:

MYSTERIES OF LIFE


1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?

3. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

9. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

10. What do you call male ballerinas?

11. Can blind people see their dreams?

12. Why ARE Trix only for kids?

13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

14. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker?'

15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

17. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

18. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

19. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

20. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?

MasterOfPuppets
04-02-2011, 12:59 PM
I dont know but i crapped out something similar this morning
http://www.theanimalfiles.com/images/mongolian_gerbil_1.jpg

Wallace108
04-02-2011, 01:02 PM
Easy. Ric Flair.


yjW9UXoKU2s&feature=related


What do I win?

Mystery solved. :thumbsup:

What's so great about sliced bread?

Are foxes really crazy?

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 01:02 PM
http://www.theanimalfiles.com/images/mongolian_gerbil_1.jpg

I always wondered why he was so fidgety. :chuckle:

MasterOfPuppets
04-02-2011, 01:05 PM
Easy. Ric Flair.





What do I win?
a smelly gerbil
http://www.theanimalfiles.com/images/mongolian_gerbil_1.jpg

Wallace108
04-02-2011, 01:07 PM
If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 01:08 PM
a smelly gerbil
http://www.theanimalfiles.com/images/mongolian_gerbil_1.jpg

:sofunny: I'll pass. Maybe VA's a recycler? Now there's a mystery that needs a-solvin'.

MasterOfPuppets
04-02-2011, 01:15 PM
:sofunny: I'll pass. Maybe VA's a recycler? Now there's a mystery that needs a-solvin'.
naw ....he's kicked it up a notch.....

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MXf8egYS7aw/TUlzCkwLVII/AAAAAAAAAIg/14W2xsjNJts/s1600/history-of-groundhog-day_s600x600.jpg

Buddha Bus
04-02-2011, 01:16 PM
naw ....he's kicked it up a notch.....

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MXf8egYS7aw/TUlzCkwLVII/AAAAAAAAAIg/14W2xsjNJts/s1600/history-of-groundhog-day_s600x600.jpg

Man! His hole is awful dirty. :sofunny:

MasterOfPuppets
04-02-2011, 01:19 PM
Man! His hole is awful dirty. :sofunny:
he steals his TP from a gas station...:noidea:

caplovestroyp43
04-02-2011, 08:10 PM
What the f*ck is this thing?

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2368/2169050955_8834aa0d41.jpg

It's either an alpaca or a llama. Because it has a darling camlid face. :-)

Buddha Bus
04-03-2011, 12:17 AM
http://funtimeshad.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/wtf.jpg


That ain't no damn alpaca there! :wtf: :chuckle:

Wallace108
04-03-2011, 06:23 AM
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dish washing liquid contains real lemons?

Why is Tom Brady so gay?

Why do the Bengals suck so much?

Buddha Bus
04-03-2011, 08:47 AM
Who is Kaiser Soze?

Buddha Bus
04-03-2011, 08:50 AM
I'm not sure what the hell this thing is, but it might possibly be MOP's baby picture. :chuckle:



http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_sW65ilskOC8/SleoDD8jnJI/AAAAAAAAYec/dGm4vwXDiJc/s400/AyeAye.jpg

Wallace108
04-03-2011, 08:53 AM
Who is Kaiser Soze?

Mystery solved. :coffee:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_SqhhJb_P3Kk/Sgr6DbWFkhI/AAAAAAAAHB8/v3kxMJI4qR0/s400/Spacey+-+Kint+-+Soza.jpg

Buddha Bus
04-03-2011, 08:55 AM
Mystery solved. :coffee:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_SqhhJb_P3Kk/Sgr6DbWFkhI/AAAAAAAAHB8/v3kxMJI4qR0/s400/Spacey+-+Kint+-+Soza.jpg

Just wanted to see who was paying attention. :checkit:

vasteeler
04-04-2011, 05:58 AM
mop and buddha...........:rofl: + :buttkick:

steelax04
04-04-2011, 09:53 AM
How can Tim Lumber think he's a great writer?

Buddha Bus
04-04-2011, 04:12 PM
How can Tim Lumber think he's a great writer?



That one's easy.... he's retarded. :propeller: :nerd: :flippy:


The better question would be "How the hell on God's green Earth does he have even ONE reader not related to him through inbreeding?"

Buddha Bus
04-04-2011, 04:37 PM
Who actually thought the TV show "Cop Rock" was a good idea?

vasteeler
04-04-2011, 07:40 PM
Who actually thought the TV show "Cop Rock" was a good idea?

:toofunny:

i never would have ever thought of that again

Buddha Bus
04-05-2011, 03:41 PM
:toofunny:

i never would have ever thought of that again

I wish I never HAD thought of it! It hurts my head. :chuckle:

stlrtruck
04-06-2011, 10:28 AM
Why is it you have great thoughts for this thread at like 3am when you're not near your computer and can't remember a damn thing the next morning?

Buddha Bus
04-06-2011, 02:33 PM
Why is it you have great thoughts for this thread at like 3am when you're not near your computer and can't remember a damn thing the next morning?

I don't know. :hunch:

Could it be the same thing like when I used to go to a CD store with all the ideas of what I wanted to buy and instantly forgot the majority of them as soon as I passed through the door of the store? :huh: Probably not.

I have a sneaking suspicion that those damn theft prevention doohickeys at the door erase your mind somehow. :chuckle:

Buddha Bus
04-06-2011, 05:37 PM
From Innocent English.com: http://www.innocentenglish.com/funny-dumb-quotes-questions-sayings/funny-stupid-questions.html

How can there be self-help “groups”?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

Buddha Bus
04-08-2011, 09:05 AM
If love truly conquers all, why is the divorce rate so high?

Who do clowns go to see to make them laugh?

In sci-fi movies, why do most people from other planets seem to speak English?

Where do all of your lost socks go? Do they have a secret meeting place? Are they plotting to destroy all humans for the indignities we have caused them?

Why is Paris Hilton famous?

How does David Arquette keep getting acting roles? How did he get to marry Courtney Cox? Did he drug her?

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 07:11 AM
Who really gets intimidated by a shirtless Vladimir Putin?

Why aren't airplanes made out of the same indestructible materials as their black boxes?

How do the Cleveland Browns possibly manage to find new ways to suck every year?

Does Tim Tebow blame God for him no longer having an NFL career?

What would zombies do once all of living humanity was destroyed in the zombie apocalypse?

What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Is there anything dumber on this planet than texting while driving (besides Tim Lumber)?

How come, with all of the shootouts on the TV show "The A-Team", no one was ever actually shot?

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 07:21 AM
http://shechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/wtf-pics-91.jpg

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 07:21 AM
Where the hell are these two heading?

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRGBx08nxqk5jDkrAFf5iRV5eA9kOwAV awqfPBqr_XXmmDn_u1r

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 07:26 AM
http://global3.memecdn.com/wtf_o_1462901.jpg

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 07:33 AM
Would you still eat hot dogs after seeing this?


http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/jXJSmxi2buc/hqdefault.jpg

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 07:35 AM
http://resources2.news.com.au/images/2013/09/13/1226718/210890-32548724-1bfa-11e3-885a-29191a963f6e.jpg

Is this the photograph of an actual ghost?

JonM229
04-18-2014, 07:45 AM
Would you still eat hot dogs after seeing this?


http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/jXJSmxi2buc/hqdefault.jpg

I saw an episode of How It's Made that featured hot dogs. Needless to say, I stopped eating them...for about a week. Although, now I'll only by all-beef hot dogs, usually Hebrew National brand. Gotta keep our money in the tribe.

teegre
04-18-2014, 07:52 AM
Who did indeed "let the dogs out"?

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 08:04 AM
Who did indeed "let the dogs out"?

Oscar Meyer..... but then Takeru Kobayashi ate them. :stickout:

teegre
04-18-2014, 08:08 AM
Oscar Meyer..... but then Takeru Kobayashi ate them. :stickout:

:applaudit:

I was going to say JonM229

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 08:13 AM
:applaudit:

I was going to say JonM229

Too obvious.... obviously. :chuckle:

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 08:16 AM
Why was "Caddyshack 2" ever made and who finds Jackie Mason funny?

JonM229
04-18-2014, 10:35 AM
Why was "Caddyshack 2" ever made and who finds Jackie Mason funny?

Oddly enough, I was just reading about how awful that movie was last night. We're like soul mates.

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 10:40 AM
Oddly enough, I was just reading about how awful that movie was last night. We're like soul mates.

That movie was a travesty to all of the great comedic actors in the original. The only one that was funny in that movie was Randy Quaid. The rest were pure shit.

NSMaster56
04-18-2014, 12:19 PM
Fuckin' magnets, how do they work?!

JonM229
04-18-2014, 01:00 PM
Fuckin' magnets, how do they work?!

Miracles

steelax04
04-18-2014, 02:35 PM
Why does Buddha bump his own two year old threads?

Buddha Bus
04-18-2014, 04:22 PM
Why does Buddha bump his own two year old threads?

Easy.... cuz I rule! :bender:

JonM229
04-19-2014, 02:36 PM
How does one use the three seashells?

fer522
04-19-2014, 03:36 PM
Why do cops like donuts

GodfatherofSoul
04-19-2014, 10:32 PM
When the Petsmart girl with F-cup boobs jogs up to the register, how do I stare her straight in the eyes like I didn't notice?

Galax Steeler
04-20-2014, 06:23 AM
Why is fer so short?

Buddha Bus
04-20-2014, 09:41 AM
Why is fer so short?

Because chronic masturbation stunts your growth.

silver & black
04-20-2014, 01:16 PM
http://funtimeshad.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/wtf.jpg


That ain't no damn alpaca there! :wtf: :chuckle:

WTF!? :noidea:

silver & black
04-20-2014, 01:23 PM
Why are they called buildings when they are already built? Shouldn't they be called builts?

NSMaster56
04-20-2014, 02:52 PM
Why do they call it ovaltine?

The mug is round. The jar is round.

They should call it roundtine!

harrison'samonster
04-20-2014, 06:02 PM
Why do they call it ovaltine?

The mug is round. The jar is round.

They should call it roundtine!

that's gold :chuckle:

Wagen
04-21-2014, 03:43 AM
Why do people say "you can't have your cake and eat it"?

How are you meant to eat it if you don't have it?

PeckerWood
04-21-2014, 05:47 AM
what if everybody farted at the same time?

Buddha Bus
04-21-2014, 06:03 AM
Why are they called hamburgers if they are made from beef?

Wagen
04-21-2014, 12:32 PM
What would happen if Pinocchio said his nose was about to grow?

Lady Steel
04-21-2014, 12:32 PM
Why do we have to wear clothes? It's unnatural.

Vis
04-21-2014, 12:37 PM
Why do we have to wear clothes? It's unnatural.

I agree with you and disagree. It's a case by case situation.

fer522
04-21-2014, 03:03 PM
Why is it called football and not handball?

fer522
04-21-2014, 03:21 PM
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Buddha Bus
04-21-2014, 03:28 PM
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

It's obvious who hasn't been reading this thread. :smack:

http://forums.steelersfever.com/showthread.php?t=71955&page=5

Wagen
04-21-2014, 04:19 PM
Why is it called football and not handball?

American Football derived from Rugby Football Union, which split from Association Football (soccer) in 1871.

fer522
04-21-2014, 04:40 PM
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

NSMaster56
04-21-2014, 06:30 PM
Why do people say "you can't have your cake and eat it"?

How are you meant to eat it if you don't have it?

This is a great one for discussion.

Can someone think of a situation where one would get/receive cake and not be expected to eat it???

Why do we use that cliché?!

PeckerWood
04-21-2014, 07:08 PM
Why are they called hamburgers if they are made from beef?

because hamburgers were invented in Hamburg Germany.

Hamburgers - Hamburg get it? Well that is what the German side of the family said.

Born2Steel
04-21-2014, 07:39 PM
Where does the white go when the snow melts?

Where exactly is "God's Country"?

Why is there no breakfast after 10:30am?

Wagen
04-21-2014, 08:07 PM
because hamburgers were invented in Hamburg Germany.

Hamburgers - Hamburg get it? Well that is what the German side of the family said.

So, how did a Frankfurter become a Hotdog?

NSMaster56
04-21-2014, 09:08 PM
So, how did a Frankfurter become a Hotdog?

Because nobody wants to eat something that both looks and with a name like a dude's large schlange?

GodfatherofSoul
04-21-2014, 09:53 PM
Because nobody wants to eat something that both looks and with a name like a dude's large schlange?

Speak for yourself...

http://www.pyromaniac.com/teams/images/cincinnati-bengals/carson-palmer-hot-dog.png

teegre
04-21-2014, 11:00 PM
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

:applaudit:

I will use that.

fer522
04-23-2014, 06:32 PM
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

JonM229
04-23-2014, 06:38 PM
Who framed Roger Rabbit?

NSMaster56
04-23-2014, 06:54 PM
In shows like Power Rangers and Voltron they undergo about two-three minutes of hand-to-hand combat before using a sword to finally destroy a villain who wreaks havoc.

Why not lead with the sword?

HiSHE gets it (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzkOkh1tOqE).

Lady Steel
04-24-2014, 06:47 PM
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?


:noidea:

Wagen
04-25-2014, 07:38 PM
If a fig pluckers mate only plucks figs when the fig pluckers late, then what does the fig pluckers mate do with the plucked figs when the fig pluckers not late?

If old Mrs Ruttercutters got a rough cut punt, not a punt cut rough, but a rough cut punt, with a hole in the middle and a flag at the front, then what's the difference between a punt cut rough and a rough cut punt?

fer522
04-26-2014, 08:32 AM
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

NSMaster56
04-26-2014, 10:52 AM
All the lonely people, where do they all come from?

All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

NSMaster56
04-26-2014, 10:55 AM
Let me understand... you've got the hen, the chicken and the rooster... the rooster goes with the chicken. So who's having sex with the hen?

You see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken---something's missing!

Lady Steel
04-26-2014, 11:15 AM
Where's Jimmy Hoffa?

Buddha Bus
04-26-2014, 12:45 PM
Who framed Roger Rabbit?

Wasn't it Christopher Lloyd? :noidea:

tony hipchest
04-29-2014, 12:10 PM
:tt04::tt:

are they spinning the towel clockwise or counter-clockwise?

Born2Steel
04-29-2014, 12:42 PM
If Pluto is a dog, then what the heck is Goofy?

JonM229
04-29-2014, 12:46 PM
If Pluto is a dog, then what the heck is Goofy?

http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g97/Tabar03/untitled-1.jpg