View Full Version : ROTFLMAO.....Great

05-22-2006, 07:04 PM
This IS absolutly Classic... I found this on another board I go to and had to bring it here

Truly, all-encompassing.

Some aspects of the NFL defy parity. With that in mind, let me tell you a little bit about the so-called rivalry between Your American Football Conference Champion Pittsburgh Steelers, and my American Football Conference tragedy, the Cleveland Browns.

There were two more meetings between the Browns and the Steelers in 2005, and two more un-G-dly beat-downs. The first came in a Sunday Night game at Heinz Field back in mid-November. It was the same old sh!t. Pittsburgh pounded out 159 yards on the ground without Bettis or Willie Parker getting a carry. Charlie Batch started for the injured Roethlisberger and was flawless (Steeler backup QB?s are always flawless against Cleveland; the Browns were almost single-handedly responsible for Tommy Maddox bamboozling people into thinking he was a decent NFL quarterback). Randle-el threw a touchdown pass to Hines Ward, the 19th consecutive time the Steelers have successfully executed a trick play against the Browns. Joey Porter kicked the dirt and talked much sh!t. Cowher?s chin stuck out like an abutment. Yinzers frantically waved those yellow rags of theirs. There was so much fellatio of the Steelers in the ESPN booth, it?s a surprise the game didn?t end with a cumshot. The final score was 34-21. It wasn?t even that close.

(I don?t know whose idea at ESPN it is to continually match Cleveland up with Pittsburgh and Baltimore in the only nationally televised game we get around here, but I wish they?d stop doing it. Or maybe it doesn?t matter, because generally whenever the Browns play, they get beat. The opponent might just be irrelevant. It?s like the old baseball story where the player hears the National Anthem, turns to a teammate, and says, Sh!t! Every time they play that song, we lose.)

The second meeting, on Christmas Eve, now? that was special. The Browns had just moved to 5-9 on the season with a rainy road victory over Oakland, a victory that was lacking artistically, even by Cleveland standards. In other places a last-second win over a horrible Raider team might be taken with a large grain of salt. But some of us got to feeling a little bit sanguine. Hey, it was Cleveland?s first win in Oakland since 1973. Besides, the Browns had already won more games (one) than the entire previous season, and there were two whole weeks to go. Bring on the Steelers, some of us said. We want a piece of them!

We want a piece of the Steelers is right up there with You can't say Dallas doesn't love you today, Mr. President on the all-time Famous Last Words list.

Game starts, Pittsburgh kicks off. Browns go three-and-out; punt. Steelers take it right downfield and score when Bettis drags undersized, under-talented linebacker Ben Taylor into the end zone. At this point, any seasoned Browns fan knew the sh!tstorm was coming. It was just a question of how rough it was going to be. It turned out to be rougher than I, for one, anticipated? and that?s bad. It was 14-0 at the end of the first quarter, 20-0 at halftime. With it 34-0 late, Charlie Batch supplied an added dollop of humiliation, going up top to former Brown Quincy ?Stone Hands? Morgan for a touchdown. Steeler linebacker and Akron native James Harrison punctuated the 41-0 rout when he body-slammed a drunken Cleveland fan that went running onto the field in the fourth quarter. By the end of the game, the stadium had pretty much cleared of Browns fans, leaving Terrible Towel-waving Steeler backers in charge of the place. Me, I turned the game off after Willie Parker?s 80-yard run gave the Steelers a 27-0 lead right after halftime. I went and did something more worthwhile than watching the Browns: drinking and one-handed reading.

Said Browns cornerback Daylon McCutcheon after the game: ?It's definitely the most embarrassing loss of my career." That isn't idle talk. Daylon has been here since '99. No desrespect intended, but the man, professionally, is on intimate terms with embarrassment.

(F<cking Browns. I?m a Cleveland fan. I wouldn?t change it. But I swear, sometimes I think we deserve to never win a f<cking thing. We lavish all sorts of attention on the Browns and ignore the Indians, unless we're whining about their payroll. There are Cleveland fans that refuse to come out to Tribe games because they, quote, don?t want to support a minor-league team. Seriously, I've seen this in print. Hafner, Peralta, Sizemore- bunch of f<ckin' minor leaguers, there. Dipsh!ts. Rant over. Anyway?)

It's appropriate that the first game in the history of the New Browns was a 43-0 loss, at home, to Pittsburgh. Not only do the Steelers beat the Browns, they spay and neuter them as well. They emasculate them. It?s not like the Steelers have been beating Cleveland on Hail Marys the last decade. They generally just take the Browns and throw them around like rag dolls for three hours. Hines Ward regularly puts our team's linemen on Queer Street. Nobody told Pittsburgh the rivalry was dead. Cowher, Joey Porter and Co. haven?t gotten that memo. On Christmas Eve the Steelers were still throwing the ball downfield and sending blitzes at Charlie Frye with a five-touchdown lead. I believe they take this game personally. To my untrained eye they look ?up? to play the Browns.

The Steelers=Michigan and the Browns=John Cooper without the recruiting ability. It's ugly.

The Browns are 3-17 against the Steelers since ?94. Pittsburgh has beaten the Browns twice in the playoffs in the last decade. The last year the Browns had a better record than the Steelers was 1989. You know that old saw about how tough it is to beat a team three times in a season? To paraphrase Sean Salisbury, hey, that's a buncha b.s. The Steelers have beaten the Browns three times in a season twice in the last decade.

Generally, there?s only one source of consolation for the Steeler-haters, and that?s watching them choke in the playoffs. But not this year. And Pittsburgh?s AFC Championship has inspired a mini-crisis among Browns fans.

Play action? Against this team? Are you mad?

In regards to the Steelers, Cleveland fans tend to break down into three very general categories. These aren?t hard-and-fast classifications; people are complex animals, and Browns fans can either be members of two or more of these camps at the same time. There are arguments among the various camps, and these disputes can get very acrimonious and bitter. Which isn't surprising. We're some bitter SOBs these days across the board.

The categories:

Old-School Browns Fans

These are the fans for which their second favorite team is whoever is playing Pittsburgh on any given Sunday. I call these fans Old School because I?m assuming the bulk of them were around during the ?70s, during the period of the Dynastic Steelers. That period left a bad taste in the mouth of many a Browns fan. That Pittsburgh team got over on everyone, but they really got over on Cleveland.

For this group, there is no room for ?respect? for Pittsburgh, for the Rooneys, for the way they play the game, whatever. The Steelers suck, Big Ben sucks, their fans are a bunch of toothless, inter-marrying, Carhartt-wearing, hillbillies who think the ?c<nt-hair? is an actual unit of measurement, and that?s that.

Old School fans are inclined to hammer fellow Browns backers for what they feel is a lack of negative fervor toward the Steelers. They're always on the lookout for backsliders, constantly accusing their fellow Browns backers of being "fairweather" (a laughable charge, considering a generation has gone by since we saw any kind of fair weather around these parts). They are also inclined to propose boycotts on Cleveland-area stores that prominently display Steelers merchandise. So what if the Steelers are still playing and our season basically ended in Week One. It?s treason, dammit!

Into this category also go any Browns fans that lay smack on Steelers fans, the inevitable, all-encompassing ?scoreboard? rebuttal be damned.

Realist Browns Fans

The happy medium: fans who have a healthy respect for the Pittsburgh organization, yet still consider them a rival (against all evidence) and pull against them any chance they get (except when they play Baltimore). I would put myself into this category, with one caveat: In the AFC Championship Game, I flat-out rooted for Pittsburgh. That?s right. The Broncos should never prosper. I, frankly, enjoyed the mewling of Mile High fans as they watched their team get taken apart in their own house. That it?s the Steelers who did it is incidental. I would root for Satan?s minions in Denver in an AFC Championship Game (not Baltimore, though). I?m sorry, but I have to be a hater like that.

It was nice to see Elway get a title. And yeah, the Broncos fans deserved one as well. Two, though?

05-22-2006, 07:05 PM
Here's the rest, Original was too long

Stockholm Syndrome Browns Fans

This is just sad. These are fans that have become so twisted by the repeated beatings their team has absorbed at the hands of the Steelers that they?re actually starting to enjoy it. Not content with respecting the Steelers, they admire them. They like the Steelers. They give various reasons for rooting for Pittsburgh when they?re not playing the Browns, or in the playoffs: residual gratitude for the Rooneys voting against the Move (that I kind of get), a desire for the Steelers to be a role model for the Browns (some poster on Bernie?s Insiders recently referred to the Steelers as our ?big brothers?; I about f<cking puked in my mouth; someone should have slapped him into another handle), even the misguided notion that somehow, a Pittsburgh victory ?helps? the Browns in the long run; that a Steeler championship will impress upon the Browns the reality of the chasm between the two teams, motivating them to get better, sooner. Or something like that. It doesn?t make much sense to me. I don?t need Cowher hoisting a Lombardi Trophy to know the Steelers are better than the Browns. Jesus Christ, I?m not that f<cking stupid. I got eyes.

As for me, when it comes to the Super Bowl, I only root for a decent game. The memories of the horrendous Super Bowls of my youth- 46-10, 42-10, 55-10, 52-17- still make me queasy. If Pittsburgh is up 21-0 in the first quarter, I?m going to root for Seattle to make it interesting, and vice versa. I?m not some retard who just wants to watch the commercials. I want to see a game worth watching. And when the rubber meets the road, it really doesn?t matter to me who is playing in the Super Bowl. It matters who isn?t, and who has never been. I'll eat chili, drink beer, and wish the Browns were playing.

If Pittsburgh wins, f<ck it. A win certainly won't make the yinzers any less high-handed and condescending toward Browns fans (and they are these days, almost unbearably so). But I don't stress. The worm could turn one of these days. Mark Malone, Weegy Thompson, and the rest of the sh!tty Steelers of the '80s might have to make a comeback for this to happen, though. Peace!

tony hipchest
05-22-2006, 07:11 PM
ladies and gentlemen i unveil to you, the smartest brownfan to ever walk the earth^^^^. (not you geran420)

(take a dump, look in the toilet, and you will see the 2nd smartest brownfan on earth.)

05-22-2006, 07:23 PM
LOL Funny stuff tony

05-22-2006, 08:04 PM
Seen that before somewhere, was a good read though.

05-22-2006, 09:26 PM
lol great read, thanks for posting

05-23-2006, 01:21 AM
Great read. Thanks. Peace.


05-23-2006, 11:03 AM
thats awesome, my whole family in ohio would be the old school fans.....there all dumbasses.

05-23-2006, 12:10 PM
LOL...that was great. Does anyone know who the original author is?

05-23-2006, 05:57 PM
My dad is an old-school fan.

My Brother is too,but he also likes the Ratbirds.

tony hipchest
05-23-2006, 05:59 PM
LOL...that was great. Does anyone know who the original author is? i think it was tim couch :sofunny:

05-23-2006, 06:24 PM
Great read! And how true!
My fiancee is a Browns fan-a realist. His oldest brother is old school & gives me a hard time, but not in a bad way to pick arguments, but this other guy they grew up with is hard core old school, a real class act. He likes to give me a hard time when he's drunk & make stupid SuperBowl trivia bets that one shouldn't make with an old school Steelers fan, but that's ok, I'll take his beer money.:smile:

05-23-2006, 09:33 PM
yep, proof that there is more than one intelligent browns fan.... me being the other... of course.... hehehehe....

05-24-2006, 01:23 PM
Couldn't stop laughing from this read. Nice post!!

05-24-2006, 06:16 PM
LOL...that was great. Does anyone know who the original author is?
Somebody by the name of Jesse Lamovsky. No idea who he is

05-24-2006, 09:16 PM
This post is so funny I'm wetting my pants!!!!

Thanks for sharing "geran42o".