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Mosca
06-19-2006, 08:58 PM
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33426


You Will Suffer Humiliation When The Sports Team From My Area Defeats The Sports Team From Your Area

As you can see from the calendar, the game is coming up this weekend. I'm sure you are as excited for it as I am, as our cities are rivals and have been for quite some time. Your confidence in your team is high, but rest assured, you will suffer humiliation when the sports team from my area defeats the sports team from your area.

On numerous occasions, you have expressed the conviction that your area's sports team will be victorious. I must admit that every time I hear you make this proclamation, I react with both laughter and disbelief. "Ha!" I say to myself with laughter. "What?!" I say to myself in disbelief. How could you believe that your sports team could beat my sports team? It is clear that yours is inferior in every way.

When the sporting contest begins, the players on your team will be treated as though they are inconsequential. It will be remarkably easy for my team to accumulate more points than yours. There are many reasons for this, starting with the inferior physical attributes of the players representing your area. Strength, speed, and agility are just three of the qualities that the players on the team from your area lack. The players representing my area, on the other hand, have these traits in abundance.

I would not be a bit surprised if the individuals on the team from your area were sexually attracted to members of their own gender. That is how ineffective they are on the field of battle.

Underscoring your team's inferiority is its choice of colors. It is ludicrous to believe that your team's colors inspire either respect or fear. Instead, they appear to have been chosen by someone who is colorblind or, perhaps, bereft of sight altogether. The colors for my team, on the other hand, are aesthetically pleasing when placed in proximity to one another. They are a superior color combination in every way.

While we are on the subject of aesthetics, let us compare the respective facilities in which our teams play. While my team's edifice is blessed with architectural splendor and the most modern of amenities, yours is a thoroughly unpleasant place in which to watch a sporting contest. I know of what I speak, for I once attended a game between our respective teams in your facility. Let's just say the experience left me wishing that my car was inoperable that day due to mechanical problems, rendering it impossible for me to get to your area to attend the game.

If you need another reason why the sporting franchise representing my area is superior, look no further than the supporters for the two sides. Not only are the supporters of the team from my region more spirited, but they are also more intelligent and of finer breeding than you and the rest of your ilk. In addition, the female supporters of the team from my area possess more attractive countenances and figures than yours. Some of the women from my side that I have observed could make a living by posing for pictures for major men's magazines. The women who cheer for your team, I'm afraid, are far too unattractive to do so.

One of the more pathetic aspects of the team from your area is the fact that only people in your immediate area possess an affinity for it. By means of contrast, the team from my area inspires loyalty and affection in individuals who live in many other geographic locations.

To illustrate this point, let me tell a brief story: Recently, I was on vacation in an area of the country far away from my own, and I saw many individuals wearing items of clothing that bore the insignia of my team. I approached one such individual and asked him if he originated from my area. He said no, explaining that he simply liked the team from my area and had for many years. Interestingly enough, during this trip, I saw no clothing or other paraphernalia bearing the insignia of your team.

Do you still doubt that the team from your area is inferior to the one from mine? Just look at our teams' respective histories. In the past, we have defeated you on any number of occasions. Granted, there were times when your team beat my team, but those were lucky flukes.

The day of the game will soon be at hand. And no matter how hard you pray to a higher power or how many foam accoutrements you wear in support of the team from your area, your team will be defeated. We will win and you will lose. This is your fate.

Prepare for humiliation. It shall be upon you at the designated hour.

Hawk Believer
06-19-2006, 09:52 PM
If this gets out, nobody will ever have to write their own post again the week before a game!

Hilarious post.

MattsMe
06-19-2006, 11:33 PM
Reading this, it's obvious they used the Steelers as the basis for the team from the author's area. :rolleyes:

Suitanim
06-20-2006, 10:58 AM
Reading this, it's obvious they used the Steelers as the basis for the team from the author's area. :rolleyes:

Have you SEEN all those fat pig women that live in Cincy?

MattsMe
06-20-2006, 05:27 PM
Have you SEEN all those fat pig women that live in Cincy?

:sofunny: :sofunny: :sofunny:

Suitanim
06-20-2006, 05:49 PM
It looks like the whole city and surrounding metro area is populated by clones of Brian Peppers' sisters...

Livinginthe past
06-20-2006, 05:55 PM
Excellent find Mosca.

That did make me laugh - just brings home the absurdity of the people who perpetuate these myths.

NM

Suitanim
06-20-2006, 06:00 PM
And here we go...

Suitanim
06-20-2006, 08:37 PM
Excellent find Mosca.

That did make me laugh - just brings home the absurdity of the people who perpetuate these myths.

NM

I think I hated your internet persona a little less before I decided to call you out for being an arrogant and overbearing prick. Now, since you know I'm around to catch you when you go to far, you just slither slyly around the things you really want to say, then reel it back in and move on.

Actually, since you were given your 3 day vacation, you've become slightly more devious, and much more of a mods "skirt rider", but the board has prospered for it. So, by all means, have at it.

Mosca
06-20-2006, 11:44 PM
LOL, thing is though that LITP understood the irony exactly! I sort of thought it was the Cowboys, but it could have been the Pats, the Stillers, the Fish, the Yankees, the Sox, ANYONE. Notre Dame. FSU. USC.


Tom

floodcitygirl
06-21-2006, 12:04 AM
It looks like the whole city and surrounding metro area is populated by clones of Brian Peppers' sisters...That's interesting....I live in Cincy's surrounding metro area and have never noticed that to be true. No one has ever accused me of looking like a "fat pig woman" either??? I don't know, Dom, Karen, you have seen my pic. Are you guys holding back on the truth from me??? (lol) Did I make a wrong turn into the Blast Furnace??? :hunch:

MattsMe
06-21-2006, 12:08 AM
LOL, thing is though that LITP understood the irony exactly! I sort of thought it was the Cowboys, but it could have been the Pats, the Stillers, the Fish, the Yankees, the Sox, ANYONE. Notre Dame. FSU. USC.


Tom

I think we all understood the article. My post about one team being based on the Steelers was a joke.

Livinginthe past
06-21-2006, 07:08 AM
I think I hated your internet persona a little less before I decided to call you out for being an arrogant and overbearing prick. Now, since you know I'm around to catch you when you go to far, you just slither slyly around the things you really want to say, then reel it back in and move on.

Actually, since you were given your 3 day vacation, you've become slightly more devious, and much more of a mods "skirt rider", but the board has prospered for it. So, by all means, have at it.

I threw you a little tid-bit on the main forum.

Im sure you are everyones hero, the way you patrol the forum, policing it with your blunt razor wit and your righteous anger.

Its just a shame that it always comes down to you to tell everyone what a great job you are doing.

Im sure you live in hope that more praise will be forthcoming and from maybe someone other than the usual suspect.

The board has gone from strength to strength and its all down to you.

Congratulations.

Oh..and 'have at it'? - what are we...the 3 musketeers now?

NM

Mosca
06-21-2006, 08:21 AM
I think we all understood the article. My post about one team being based on the Steelers was a joke.


Lots of people here did, but I think some people didn't. Or at best, they only understood it as they were reading it, and then the truth shifted back for them.

lamberts-lost-tooth
06-21-2006, 08:33 AM
That's interesting....I live in Cincy's surrounding metro area and have never noticed that to be true. No one has ever accused me of looking like a "fat pig woman" either??? I don't know, Dom, Karen, you have seen my pic. Are you guys holding back on the truth from me??? (lol) Did I make a wrong turn into the Blast Furnace??? :hunch:



Hell Flood, I love ya and have never even seen ya....:bouncy: :bouncy: (Got your back sister!!):smile:

Livinginthe past
06-21-2006, 09:16 AM
That's interesting....I live in Cincy's surrounding metro area and have never noticed that to be true. No one has ever accused me of looking like a "fat pig woman" either??? I don't know, Dom, Karen, you have seen my pic. Are you guys holding back on the truth from me??? (lol) Did I make a wrong turn into the Blast Furnace??? :hunch:

Its not just football fans that suffer from intense stupidity anywhere outside certain convenient areas - the women are apparently fat and ugly too....ALL OF THEM!

Makes sense right?

Maybe if you moved to a more popular area you would suddenly stop being fat and pig-like and begin to resemble Claudia Schiffer.

NM

floodcitygirl
06-21-2006, 09:37 AM
Hell Flood, I love ya and have never even seen ya....:bouncy: :bouncy: (Got your back sister!!):smile:Wow Lamberts! Thanks! Gee....what a man!!!! I'm feeling a little...flushed!!!:blush:

lamberts-lost-tooth
06-21-2006, 03:00 PM
Wow Lamberts! Thanks! Gee....what a man!!!! I'm feeling a little...flushed!!!:blush:


LMAO!!! Story of my life....can only embarass the ladies..not impress them :dang:

floodcitygirl
06-21-2006, 03:01 PM
Its not just football fans that suffer from intense stupidity anywhere outside certain convenient areas - the women are apparently fat and ugly too....ALL OF THEM!

Makes sense right?

Maybe if you moved to a more popular area you would suddenly stop being fat and pig-like and begin to resemble Claudia Schiffer.

NMNow, LIPT if you're trying to give a lady a compliment (even if she has shamelessly tried to elicit one) (lol), you'll have to do a little better! Why not take Lamberts as an example? A guy that tells a woman that he appreciates her based on what she has said in print rather than what she looks like.....ooohhhh baby!!! Ladies do we LOVE that or what???!!! And in this venue, who cares if he really means it?!!! (lol) That Lamberts.....he rocks!!!!! :cool:

floodcitygirl
06-21-2006, 04:14 PM
LMAO!!! Story of my life....can only embarass the ladies..not impress them :dang:Now, who said I was embarrassed????!!!! :grin:

Suitanim
06-22-2006, 05:15 PM
I threw you a little tid-bit on the main forum.

Im sure you are everyones hero, the way you patrol the forum, policing it with your blunt razor wit and your righteous anger.

Its just a shame that it always comes down to you to tell everyone what a great job you are doing.

Im sure you live in hope that more praise will be forthcoming and from maybe someone other than the usual suspect.

The board has gone from strength to strength and its all down to you.

Congratulations.

Oh..and 'have at it'? - what are we...the 3 musketeers now?

NM

Thanks for very publicly "Not paying me any mind"...again...for like the 500th time. I hate your caricature internet persona, and every now and then for a catharis I feel the need to call you out for the POS that you are, but you seem to have some kind of infatuation with me. Was it the Jedi Knight costume? You and Brian Peppers both seem sickly facinated by me...

Floodcitygirl, I was being as completely and utterly sarcastic as I could be...of COURSE it's an absurd statement, it's the exaggeration that's the thing.

floodcitygirl
06-22-2006, 05:48 PM
floodcitygirl, I was being as completely and utterly sarcastic as I could be...of COURSE it's an absurd statement, it's the exaggeration that's the thing.I never imagined that it was anything but sarcastic and absurd! But since I live here I couldn't give it a total pass, now could I???????? (lol)

Suitanim
06-22-2006, 05:54 PM
I never imagined that it was anything but sarcastic and absurd! But since I live here I couldn't give it a total pass, now could I???????? (lol)

No, I guess not...I officially apologize...every OTHER woman in Cincy looks like Brian Peppers clone...you are a wholesome and wonderful "10"...

floodcitygirl
06-23-2006, 12:41 AM
No, I guess not...I officially apologize...every OTHER woman in Cincy looks like Brian Peppers clone...you are a wholesome and wonderful "10"...You have no idea.......

SteelerzGirl
06-23-2006, 09:04 AM
That's interesting....I live in Cincy's surrounding metro area and have never noticed that to be true. No one has ever accused me of looking like a "fat pig woman" either??? I don't know, Dom, Karen, you have seen my pic. Are you guys holding back on the truth from me??? (lol) Did I make a wrong turn into the Blast Furnace??? :hunch:

:sofunny:

Now you know good darn and well that you're not a "fat pig woman," blondie! I'm sure Dom doesn't think you are either, but then Dom wouldn't make such a statement about the ladies. :smile:

Livinginthe past
06-23-2006, 09:34 AM
So....whens the 'Ladies of Steelerfever' calender coming out then?

NM

SteelerzGirl
06-23-2006, 09:36 AM
So....whens the 'Ladies of Steelerfever' calender coming out then?

NM

Hey, now there's an idea, LITP! Maybe we can shoot for 2007! :smile: Why? How many copies do ya want...(lol)?

Livinginthe past
06-23-2006, 09:43 AM
Hey, now there's an idea, LITP! Maybe we can shoot for 2007! :smile: Why? How many copies do ya want...(lol)?

Well now, I dont want to go overboard here.....I was thinking......20?! :busted:

NM

SteelerzGirl
06-23-2006, 09:48 AM
Well now, I dont want to go overboard here.....I was thinking......20?! :busted:

NM

:sofunny:

Only 20? Geesh... C'mon now! Make it worth my while to ship them all the way across the pond! You and I both know it's the hot thing right now for American women to be marrying Englishmen. They love us over there...(lol)! :smile:

Livinginthe past
06-23-2006, 11:04 AM
:sofunny:

Only 20? Geesh... C'mon now! Make it worth my while to ship them all the way across the pond! You and I both know it's the hot thing right now for American women to be marrying Englishmen. They love us over there...(lol)! :smile:

I didn't realise that Englishmen were in fashion over there - consider me educated! :cool:

Met quite a few American girls during my travels and they have all been very nice, only upset one of them - and that was because I commented on the fact she had a Canadian flag sewn to her backpack!

I didnt realise there would be a minimum order when I suggested the calendar :sofunny:

NM

SteelerzGirl
06-23-2006, 11:11 AM
I didn't realise that Englishmen were in fashion over there - consider me educated! :cool:

Met quite a few American girls during my travels and they have all been very nice, only upset one of them - and that was because I commented on the fact she had a Canadian flag sewn to her backpack!

I didnt realise there would be a minimum order when I suggested the calendar :sofunny:

NM

Well I sure as heck wouldn't be wearing one of those unfashionable, ugly backpacks if I visited England, LITP. I'd be wearing my Steelers t-shirt. :cool:

floodcitygirl
06-23-2006, 12:27 PM
:sofunny:

Now you know good darn and well that you're not a "fat pig woman," blondie! I'm sure Dom doesn't think you are either, but then Dom wouldn't make such a statement about the ladies. :smile:Well thanks, sister! While I REALLY didn't expect a response from youor Dom, I have to respectfully disagree with your statemant about him. I'm thinking he's making a pretty great statement about at least one of the SF ladies!! Only thing is, you have to go to the "playboy" thread to find it..... :wink:

SteelerzGirl
06-23-2006, 12:47 PM
Well thanks, sister! While I REALLY didn't expect a response from youor Dom, I have to respectfully disagree with your statemant about him. I'm thinking he's making a pretty great statement about at least one of the SF ladies!! Only thing is, you have to go to the "playboy" thread to find it..... :wink:

Pam... Actually what I was trying to say was that Dom would never make a statement calling a lady a "fat pig woman" because he's a true gentleman. It was a compliment to Dom. :smile: Sorry if my post didn't read correctly.

Hey... Thanks for pointing out the "playboy" thread. Dom is a sweetheart, huh? And a manly one to boot! :smile:

floodcitygirl
06-23-2006, 01:01 PM
Pam... Actually what I was trying to say was that Dom would never make a statement calling a lady a "fat pig woman" because he's a true gentleman. It was a compliment to Dom. :smile: Sorry if my post didn't read correctly.

Hey... Thanks for pointing out the "playboy" thread. Dom is a sweetheart, huh? And a manly one to boot! :smile:My bad! You wrote it right....I read it wrong. As to Dom...I couldn't agree more! :smile:

Stlrs4Life
06-25-2006, 08:15 PM
That's interesting....I live in Cincy's surrounding metro area and have never noticed that to be true. No one has ever accused me of looking like a "fat pig woman" either??? I don't know, Dom, Karen, you have seen my pic. Are you guys holding back on the truth from me??? (lol) Did I make a wrong turn into the Blast Furnace??? :hunch:


No floodcitygirl. You are a hottie!



Man, that Cincy game in the 'Burgh can't get here soon enough! LOL!

floodcitygirl
06-25-2006, 09:10 PM
No floodcitygirl. You are a hottie!



Man, that Cincy game in the 'Burgh can't get here soon enough! LOL!Awwhhh! Thanks Stlrs! What a sweetheart you are! You're even willing to indulge my blatant attempt to get a compliment!!! (lol)

As far as that game goes, I couldn't agree more! :dancing: