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View Full Version : L.A.R.K. Program, politcally incorrect


BlacknGold Bleeder
07-03-2006, 07:25 AM
THE LARK PROGRAM
A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in GuantanamoBay. She received back the following reply:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016


Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and
clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are
creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not use him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time. Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember..we'll be watching.

Good luck! >&g t;
Cordially, your friend,
Dick Cheney

j-dawg
07-03-2006, 12:23 PM
Funny joke... but unfair to assume the people petitioning the government on Gitmo want to rehabilitate terrorists.

The BushCheney Regime asserts that the hundreds of captives it has stashed in the military prisons of Guantanamo Bay have no legal rights, because "these people are terrorists." Donnie Rumsfeld proclaimed the Gitmo prisoners to be "the worst of the worst."

So, nearly 500 of them are still there, not by the authority of law, but by the autocratic dictate of this administration. Swept up four years ago, the prisoners are being held indefinitely, with practically no access to lawyers and with no right to appeal their incarceration. It violates the U.S. Constitution and international law ? but, what the hell, they're terrorists, right?

Well, some are, but it's now been revealed that a shameful number of these disappeared ones have no connection whatsoever to terrorism. Our government knows this, but still holds them.

Take Abdur Sayed Rahman, a Pakistani villager who was taken from his small farm in 2002 and dumped into Guantanamo, accused of having been the deputy foreign minister of the deposed Taliban government. That Taliban official, however, is named Abdur Zahid Rahman. This poor captive, who's been kept locked up for four years says, "I am only a chicken farmer in Pakistan."

Then there's an Afghan who denies being the former Taliban governor of a province there. He asked military officials at Guantanamo to contact the current governor of that province to verify his innocence. In a grotesque example of Catch 22, however, the military said it's up to the prisoner to produce such evidence. Excuse me, said the Afghan, but I'm held incommunicado in a U.S. cell in Cuba and not allowed to make calls. To which our military official said, "Write to them." He then ruled that the Afghan could not have his case reviewed for another year.

two links that you might find informative...

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/08/opinion/08wed1.html?ex=1299474000&en=764031e778a329b3&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/06/international/americas/06gitmo.html?ex=1152072000&en=774f25e59aeec318&ei=5070

BlacknGold Bleeder
07-04-2006, 01:45 AM
[QUOTE=j-dawg]Funny joke... that's just it ...it was a joke.

BTW as to the rest of this post, I'm not of the inclination to drink any of your Liberal Kool-Aid ! :bouncy:

The BushCheney Regime asserts that the hundreds of captives it has stashed in the military prisons of Guantanamo Bay have no legal rights, because "these people are terrorists." Donnie Rumsfeld proclaimed the Gitmo prisoners to be "the worst of the worst."

So, nearly 500 of them are still there, not by the authority of law, but by the autocratic dictate of this administration. Swept up four years ago, the prisoners are being held indefinitely, with practically no access to lawyers and with no right to appeal their incarceration. It violates the U.S. Constitution and international law ? but, what the hell, they're terrorists, right?

Well, some are, but it's now been revealed that a shameful number of these disappeared ones have no connection whatsoever to terrorism. Our government knows this, but still holds them.

Take Abdur Sayed Rahman, a Pakistani villager who was taken from his small farm in 2002 and dumped into Guantanamo, accused of having been the deputy foreign minister of the deposed Taliban government. That Taliban official, however, is named Abdur Zahid Rahman. This poor captive, who's been kept locked up for four years says, "I am only a chicken farmer in Pakistan."

Then there's an Afghan who denies being the former Taliban governor of a province there. He asked military officials at Guantanamo to contact the current governor of that province to verify his innocence. In a grotesque example of Catch 22, however, the military said it's up to the prisoner to produce such evidence. Excuse me, said the Afghan, but I'm held incommunicado in a U.S. cell in Cuba and not allowed to make calls. To which our military official said, "Write to them." He then ruled that the Afghan could not have his case reviewed for another year.

two links that you might find informative... from Al Jazeera East ??

[

j-dawg
07-04-2006, 06:16 AM
if you want to post something about an actual event and place it under the guise of a joke, don't get your panties in a bunch when someone doesn't take it lightly.

"two links that you might find informative... from Al Jazeera East ??"
actually.. it's from a well respected news source.. the associated press... ever hear of it?

seriously.. i don't drink the liberal kool aid as you put it... i'm an american.. and i believe in the american ideal of due process... it's what separates us from dictatorships....

BlacknGold Bleeder
07-07-2006, 11:20 AM
[QUOTE=j-dawg]if you want to post something about an actual event and place it under the guise of a joke, don't get your panties in a bunch when someone doesn't take it lightly.

"two links that you might find informative... from Al Jazeera East ??"
actually.. it's from a well respected news source.. the associated press... ever hear of it?

This item was correctly placed in the humor category..there is no basis of fact in it. :dang: What actual event happened that this joke refers to?? Have you sent a letter to the White House??
I found HUMOR in the original joke and I thought some of the fellow posters here would enjoy it.
As to well repected, N. Y. times, lost MY respect when they put profit before everything and publish stories they are asked not to publish.
BTW I prefer boxer briefs if you had a set you would find panties don't work...:bouncy:

BlackNGold203
07-07-2006, 11:32 AM
:popcorn: :chug:

j-dawg
07-07-2006, 12:01 PM
actually... there are detainees in gitmo (actual event) , and americans ARE writing the white house about their incarceration, because they believe holding someone indefinitely, without due process, is not what americans stand for. the ASSOCIATED PRESS released the information pertaining to the identities of some of these people, a company that all news companies (fox, n.y.t, etc, etc) use.

i thought your jokes about "the laws" was clever, and i gave you props.... i thought this politically charged joke wasn't... and i voiced my opinion....

lamberts-lost-tooth
07-08-2006, 06:40 AM
actually... there are detainees in gitmo (actual event) , and americans ARE writing the white house about their incarceration, because they believe holding someone indefinitely, without due process, is not what americans stand for. the ASSOCIATED PRESS released the information pertaining to the identities of some of these people, a company that all news companies (fox, n.y.t, etc, etc) use.

i thought your jokes about "the laws" was clever, and i gave you props.... i thought this politically charged joke wasn't... and i voiced my opinion....




SOOO you "voiced your opinion" in opposition of someone..."voicing their opinion"...interesting.
Granted ..Im not a Browns fan from LA...but isnt that rather hypocritical?...and why the need to respond so vehemently to a joke? I seem to recall you making a joke (a very funny joke) about Ken Lay dying....so is the joke not funny because of your political beliefs? And arn't you disrespecting his right to "an opinion" by YOUR over-the-top reaction?
Its the HUMOR section...what do you say you keep "serious" politics out of it!:dang:

j-dawg
07-08-2006, 02:46 PM
SOOO you "voiced your opinion" in opposition of someone..."voicing their opinion"...interesting.
Granted ..Im not a Browns fan from LA...but isnt that rather hypocritical?...and why the need to respond so vehemently to a joke? I seem to recall you making a joke (a very funny joke) about Ken Lay dying....so is the joke not funny because of your political beliefs? And arn't you disrespecting his right to "an opinion" by YOUR over-the-top reaction?
Its the HUMOR section...what do you say you keep "serious" politics out of it!:dang:

well, he didn't voice his opinion. he decided to dress his opinion in a joke.... thus taking the stand that it's just a joke... ken lay dying has nothing to do with my political views... don't make a joke about serious politics.. i won't have to respond then.

why is it hypocritical to be a browns fan in los angeles? i grew up in cleveland, and (like more than half the people who live in los angeles), moved here. :rolleyes:

floodcitygirl
07-08-2006, 03:08 PM
well, he didn't voice his opinion. he decided to dress his opinion in a joke.... thus taking the stand that it's just a joke... ken lay dying has nothing to do with my political views... don't make a joke about serious politics.. i won't have to respond then.

why is it hypocritical to be a browns fan in los angeles? i grew up in cleveland, and (like more than half the people who live in los angeles), moved here. :rolleyes:Well I took it as a joke and pretty funny too.....in a sarcastic kind of way!!! No doubt that I'm biased though! (lol)

I won't speak for you, but to say that the majority of Ken Lay jokes that have been spouted across the country from the liberal side of the fence aren't political is ridiculous. That side can't put out even his death notice without talking about what good friends he was with the Bush family, what the Bush nickname for him was, and how much he was estimated to have given in political donations to the Republicans! Sounds political to me...

j-dawg
07-08-2006, 04:03 PM
Well I took it as a joke and pretty funny too.....in a sarcastic kind of way!!! No doubt that I'm biased though! (lol)

I won't speak for you, but to say that the majority of Ken Lay jokes that have been spouted across the country from the liberal side of the fence aren't political is ridiculous. That side can't put out even his death notice without talking about what good friends he was with the Bush family, what the Bush nickname for him was, and how much he was estimated to have given in political donations to the Republicans! Sounds political to me...


hmm... i see your point on that one... but i didn't say any of that... and i don't really care about any of that... i think it's disgusting how he got to sell of his shares while all the folks below him had theirs frozen. that's got nothing to do with his political affiliation in my eyes.

floodcitygirl
07-08-2006, 04:10 PM
hmm... i see your point on that one... but i didn't say any of that... and i don't really care about any of that... i think it's disgusting how he got to sell of his shares while all the folks below him had theirs frozen. that's got nothing to do with his political affiliation in my eyes.I just love it when people agree!!! :grouphug: But I still don't like your team!! :sofunny:

BlacknGold Bleeder
07-09-2006, 08:20 AM
well, he didn't voice his opinion. he decided to dress his opinion in a joke.... thus taking the stand that it's just a joke...

I was sent a joke that I thought was funny,maybe due to my political views maybe not, and posted it under HUMOR because I thought it would be enjoyed by SOME fellow board members. Also in the title of the post it states" politically incorrect ", that should have warned you about the content and if you still decided to read the joke be prepared. A serious political post would not be put under the classification of HUMOR. :dang:

ken lay dying has nothing to do with my political views... don't make a joke about serious politics.. i won't have to respond then.
man.. he faked his death!! i bet he's drinking mohetoes on the beach somewhere as we speak!

Personally I think jokes about people dying ,especially before they are even in the ground, are in very poor taste !! I would rather be politically incorrect than MORALLY BANKRUPT !! Also puppy DAWG didn't anyone ever teach you bout opinions?? ... opinions are like a**holes everybody has one and your definitely a big one. :bouncy:

why is it hypocritical to be a browns fan in los angeles? i grew up in cleveland, and (like more than half the people who live in los angeles), moved here. :rolleyes:

BTW what defense has ever been FRY'ED??? :blurp:

j-dawg
07-09-2006, 09:54 AM
I was sent a joke that I thought was funny,maybe due to my political views maybe not, and posted it under HUMOR because I thought it would be enjoyed by SOME fellow board members. Also in the title of the post it states" politically incorrect ", that should have warned you about the content and if you still decided to read the joke be prepared. A serious political post would not be put under the classification of HUMOR. :dang:



Personally I think jokes about people dying ,especially before they are even in the ground, are in very poor taste !! I would rather be politically incorrect than MORALLY BANKRUPT !! Also puppy DAWG didn't anyone ever teach you bout opinions?? ... opinions are like a**holes everybody has one and your definitely a big one. :bouncy:



BTW what defense has ever been FRY'ED??? :blurp:


well... i'm sure bill maher wouldn't have told this joke... but i'm glad you think that it is incorrect to hold prisoners without due process.

as far as morality speaks... i find it rather funny you taking the high road.... thought this one was a gem....

Carson and Peyton will certainly enjoy rubbing each other 's balls getting ready for games :blurp:

it makes sense that you can't write back an intelligent response.... instead you call me a big A-hole... maybe you should follow some of your own advice.....

Please don't take this personally but I think the Mods have to come up with a new category... Inane and Assine :bouncy:

i don't intend on responding any further on this thread.... we have a difference of opinion here, and i hope that we can find common ground in other areas....

BlacknGold Bleeder
07-09-2006, 12:44 PM
Damn dude somo of them quotes are from awhile back...i do still stand behind them.... but I got to wonder are you STALKING me? :sofunny: :bouncy: :rofl: :hehe: