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View Full Version : This is an actual job application someone submitted at a fast-food establishment.....


Lyn
08-10-2006, 09:17 PM
NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

melroseplace
08-10-2006, 09:38 PM
haha that's pretty amusing

klick81
08-10-2006, 10:38 PM
No way that's real, but pretty funny!

HburgXL06
08-10-2006, 11:34 PM
From Austin Powers:

"Sex: Yes please!"

BuFu

SteelCityMan786
08-11-2006, 01:14 PM
LMFAO!!!!:rofl: I can't believe someone did that.

CantStop85
08-11-2006, 02:17 PM
I know I've had the urge to say a few of those things on my job applications.

I can definitely see someone doing that...good stuff.

lamberts-lost-tooth
08-11-2006, 02:54 PM
THE REAL APPLICATION

NAME: Marvin Lewis

DESIRED POSITION: Top of the AFC North..but that position is taken

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus 10% of fines levied against the team.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Ask me tommorrow

SALARY: With the crooks I got on my team...you think Im gonna let people know I have money!!??

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens, post-it notes, and stereo equipment.

REASON FOR LEAVING: I thought I was told Cincy was the cradle of civilization...you ever noticed how much "cradle"..and "armpit" sound alike when your loaded?

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday..would rather not work Sundays thank you.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: I can call a QB a crybaby while sucking my thumb and stamping my foot WHILE keeping a straight face

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: You can..but Im not sure if he has stopped laughing yet.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Why should I have to be able to lift more than my lineman?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I did...but silly me...I let Chris Henry borrow it. ..and for the record...not my gun.

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes... and the Herm Edwards look-a-like contest

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only from my ears when awakened at 3a.m. to post bond.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Able to look at 2006 as the pinnacle of my career

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but honesty really hasnt been a high priority for hiring here..now has it?

SIGN HERE:

SteelCityMan786
08-11-2006, 03:04 PM
:rofl: ahh I didn't know Marvin Lewis lied on his applications.

floodcitygirl
08-11-2006, 03:06 PM
You have quite a creative imagination going today LLT! Funny stuff....except for that armpit stuff....some of us HAVE to live here, you know! :frown:

SteelCityMan786
08-11-2006, 03:34 PM
Coincedentaly, I'm one of the people who practically live here.

stlrtruck
08-11-2006, 03:52 PM
Coincedentaly, I'm one of the people who practically live here.

Is this where we all say, "I'm sorry!" and then try to think of ways to get you out of there?

floodcitygirl
08-11-2006, 03:58 PM
Is this where we all say, "I'm sorry!" and then try to think of ways to get you out of there?I think he meant here, here. I meant Cincy, here. Now, you can give me empathy! :smile:

Stlrs4Life
08-13-2006, 10:12 AM
Pretty good!

3 to be 4
08-13-2006, 06:30 PM
when i was 19 i answered the question "Explain periods of Unemployment" with "Its when you dont have a job"
i got the job.

tony hipchest
08-13-2006, 06:33 PM
when i was 19 i answered the question "Explain periods of Unemployment" with "Its when you dont have a job"
i got the job.

:sofunny: so true!

MattsMe
08-13-2006, 10:10 PM
THE REAL APPLICATION

NAME: Marvin Lewis

DESIRED POSITION: Top of the AFC North..but that position is taken

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus 10% of fines levied against the team.
EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Ask me tommorrow

SALARY: With the crooks I got on my team...you think Im gonna let people know I have money!!??

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens, post-it notes, and stereo equipment.

REASON FOR LEAVING: I thought I was told Cincy was the cradle of civilization...you ever noticed how much "cradle"..and "armpit" sound alike when your loaded?

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday..would rather not work Sundays thank you.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: I can call a QB a crybaby while sucking my thumb and stamping my foot WHILE keeping a straight face

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: You can..but Im not sure if he has stopped laughing yet.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Why should I have to be able to lift more than my lineman?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I did...but silly me...I let Chris Henry borrow it. ..and for the record...not my gun.

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes... and the Herm Edwards look-a-like contest

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only from my ears when awakened at 3a.m. to post bond.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Able to look at 2006 as the pinnacle of my career

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but honesty really hasnt been a high priority for hiring here..now has it?

SIGN HERE:


:sofunny: This is hilarious. I only have a few minor updates. Gotta keep those resumes current!

LAST POSITION HELD: Fetal. That would be as I cried myself to sleep after the playoff loss to the Steelers.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Criminal profiler. I can pick them out of a crowded combine with incredible accuracy!

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the advice of Odell Thurman's attorney, I have no comment.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Being a character witness at my players' parole hearings.

SIGN HERE: :sign09:

tony hipchest
08-13-2006, 11:14 PM
:

LAST POSITION HELD: Fetal. That would be as I cried myself to sleep after the playoff loss to the Steelers.

:

:sofunny: doggy style comes to mind (see mike browns cheezy grin)

MattsMe
08-13-2006, 11:28 PM
:sofunny: doggy style comes to mind (see mike browns cheezy grin)

I almost said the spoon, as he cuddled CJ after the loss and held him until he quit sobbing.