Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens:
My momma told me that if I canít say anything nice about the Steelersí chances, donít say anything at all.
Cincinnati Bengals at San Diego Chargers:
My momma also told me that if you canít say anything nice about Norv Turner, say it really loud. Itís the only way the Chargerís management will get it through their thick skulls. Bengals by 10.
New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons:
I heard on the radio that the Devil went down to Georgia. I believe it. That place sucks. Saints by10.
Seattle Seahawks at Chicago Bears:
Lovie is the worst football name ever. Luckily, one Urlacher cancels that ignominy. Bears by 14.
San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams:
Harbaugh likes Kaepernick starting this week. So does Jeff Fisher. Rams by 5.
New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins:
Bill Belichick went to Shulaís steak house and ordered Flipper. Patriots by 10.
Arizona Cardinals at NY Jets:
The Jets will probably win, but only because somebody has to. Jets by 3.
Indianapolis Colts at Detroit Lions:
Whatís the difference between unreliable time bomb and Ndamukong Suh? Oneís a powerful explosive device capable of going off at any moment, the otherís a bomb. Lions by 2.
Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers:
Cheese tastes better than Vikings. Packers by 7.
Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans:
Good lord, is Tennessee still a state? Why are we worried about the fiscal cliff when we havenít even taken care of the Tennessee problem? Texas by 10.
Carolina Panthers at Kansas City Chiefs:
The people of Kansas City deserve better than the Chiefs. Wait, no they donít. Panthers by 2.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Denver Broncos:
Mr. Ed met John Elway and asked him why he had such a long face. Elway didnít get it. Broncos by 7.
Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders:
The only thing worse than these two teams is the fact that they both beat the Steelers. Ugh. Raiders by 3.
Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys:
I shared a kennel at the Washington Animal Rescue League with some of Mike Vickís dogs. Cowboys by 456,222.
NY Giants at Washington Redskins:
Revenge of the RG3PO! Redskins win the rematch by 14.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Buffalo Bills:
This pretty much sums up the Billís season. Luckily, theyíre playing the Jaguars. Bills by 5.