San Diego Chargers at Pittsburgh Steelers:
It’s not that Norv Turner’s a crappy coach. But, with plenty of hard work, he might get there one day. Steelers by 10.
Denver Broncos at Oakland Raiders:
Gary Busey and John Elway were separated at birth. Well, not their teeth. Broncos by 10.
St. Louis Rams at Buffalo Bills:
Dear Buffalo – your football team is God’s way of saying you’re losers. Rams by 4.
Dallas Cowboys at Cincinnati Bengals:
Some cities never live up to their reputations. Cincinnati does, it sucks. Cowboys by 1.
Kansas City Chiefs at Cleveland Browns:
If you care about this game, put down the Funyuns and Mountain Dew and just admit it – you momma never loved you. Line off.
Tennessee Titans at Indianapolis Colts:
It’s smarter to be lucky than it’s lucky to be smart. Luck’s both. Colts by 5.
Baltimore Ravens at Washington Redskins:
RG3PO is the best thing to hit DC since democracy. Redskins by 7.
Atlanta Falcons at Carolina Panthers:
Cam Newton needs to stop the Superman pose. Superman could read through walls. Cam Newton can’t even read a defense. Falcons by 10.
NY Jets at Jacksonville Jaguars:
If the Jaguars were as awesome as their owner’s mustache they’d be Super Bowl champs. Jets by 2.
Miami Dolphins at San Francisco 49ers: Last week the 49ers snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. This week, they’ll feast on Mahi Mahi. 49ers by 14.
Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks:
I watched the Cardinals game last week. More bounce passes than John Stockton. Seahawks by 10.
New Orleans Saints at NY Giants:
Eli Manning’s 2012 performance is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. Giants by 7.
Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers:
Detroit should stop flirting with Mediocrity and marry it already. They were made for each other. Packers by 8.
Houston Texans at New England Patriots:
Whoever said “don’t mess with Texas” was stupid and missed out on a lot of fun. Patriots by 7.
Philadelphia Eagles at Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
I shared a kennel at the Washington Animal Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. Bucs by 456,222.
Chicago Bears at Minnesota Vikings:
I think I can throw farther than Christian Ponder. And I’m a dog. Bears by 3.
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