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Old 02-15-2014, 09:52 PM   #157
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Default Re: 2013-2014 Pittsburgh Penguins Regular Season Thread

While they have been following and posting on Olympic hockey, it would seem that Angry NHL Fans - Pittsburgh (on Facebook) has started to go a little stir crazy for Pens hockey.

Fans aren't the only ones looking for stuff to do during the Olympic break.

Being slightly too old for new parts, Pascal Dupuis has his ACL rebuilt using parts from cadaver pigs. No word on how the Flyers felt when they woke up without their parts.

Dan Bylsma has sent to the US for some new coloring books to keep Peter Laviolette busy. Dan remarked that "Some of those 'Spot the Differences' books would be cool, too."

Team USA GM Ray Shero trades 4 chickens, and a promise of using more maple syrup during team breakfasts, to Team Canada in exchange for Sidney Crosby. As Sid leaves the Canadian team's hotel, he remarks to a confused Steve Yzerman, "You know, we don't even HAVE team breakfasts."

There are also confirmed reports that Shero traded a broken, empty Yuengling bottle, some expired catnip, and Peter Laviolette to St. Louis for T.J. Oshie before today's epic shootout was even over.

Filming for a new documentary called "When Good Arteries Go Bad", starring TˇmÔs Vokoun and Kris Letang, is constantly interrupted by Nashville's Pekka Rinne bursting onto the set and screaming "E. COLI IN THE HIP IS NO PICNIC EITHER!!!!!"

James Neal continues to try and sell a documentary about his hair.

Joe Vitale has taken to hiding in Dan Potash's freezer and throwing snow on him every time he opens it. Dan Potash has taken to looking for a new house.

Phil Bourque has been asked to stop calling Mike Lange's house at all hours, screaming "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?" and then hanging up.

Marc-Andre Fleury has taken up martial arts training, so the next time some official ignores his polite request to let him get in a goalie fight, Flower can just beat the snot out of the official.

Chris Conner and Brian Gibbons went off on a quest to find the "One Ring to Rule Them All", and called it a success after finding some epic onion rings at Applebee's.

Bob Costas' plan to have the most disturbing eyes in Sochi was derailed when NBC replaced him with….Brooks Orpik.

Chuck Kobasew and Taylor Pyatt are hanging out together, amazed that they could possibly feel more useless than they did when there was actual NHL hockey taking place. They invented a game where they do shots every time Doc Emrick says "scamper" or "sashay" during a game broadcast. Reports have them as absolutely PLASTERED after the Canada-Austria telecast yesterday.

Jussi Jokinen keeps getting emails from Tanner Glass with suggestions for punning all of Team Finland. Sample email exchanges:
Glass: "Put some plastic dog poo in Rask's locker and yell, 'Someone Tuukka shit in your locker!!!!'"
Jussi: "I don't get it."
Glass: "A penalty is the Lasse thing you need!"
Jussi: "I don't get it."
Glass: "Kari wasn't Lehtonen any goals!!"
Jussi: "I don't…stop it."
Glass: "Rinne is in a Pekka trouble!"
Jussi: "You know he's not here, right?"
Glass: "I got nothin' for Korpikoski."

12 days until the next Pens game, folks. 12 days…..
Look at these eyebrows. These are attack eyebrows! They could take off bottle caps!
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