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Old 10-15-2005, 10:52 AM   #1
Zombo
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Default This Week in the AFC North

Brian Billick is a fool.

Now the Great Zomboni has been telling everyone that for years, and now people are finally getting it.

A fool with a Super Bowl ring, you might say.

But let's look a little closer at that Super Bowl, and who deserves the credit:

These weren't the Baltimore Ravens of today, they were the Baltimore Browns. Who assembled the talent on that team? The Cleveland Browns personnel staff, including Ozzie Newsome, Phil Savage, Scott Pioli and Bill Belichick. Not only did they bring top players from Cleveland like Rob Burnett and Matt Stover, but they scouted and drafted Ray Lewis and Jonathan Ogden. And when Newsome and Savage moved on to Baltimore they put together a Super Bowl defense, drafting Peter Boulware, Jamie Sharper, Kim Herring, Duane Starks, and Chris McAllister, and signing strong veterans for the D-Line like Sam Adams and Tony Siragusa, who kept the blockers off of Ray Ray. They even added Jamal Lewis to pound the ball on offense, since The Fool was still having trouble putting together a passing game.

The defense was handed over to Marvin Lewis. And they were so talented and well-coached that that they brought a championship to Baltimore in spite of Billick. In fact Billick's offense went four or five weeks without scoring a TD in the middle of their Super Bowl Season. The guy that bailed him out and got his offense playing good enough to win, Trent Dilfer, was thrown out with the trash at the end of the season so that The Fool could design an offense around Elvis Grbac. I mean, Chris Redman. I mean, Tony Banks. I mean, Randall Cunningham. I mean, Jeff Blake. I mean Anthony Wright. I mean, Kyle Boller. I mean Kordell Stewart...

We're still waiting, Fool.

Now Pioli and Belichick are in New England with their three rings, and Savage is rebuilding the Browns the right way with a guy named Dilfer at quarterback, and Ozzie Newsome is still stuck with The Fool. And the Ravens are setting records for penalties, pushing refs, getting kicked out of games, doing everything but committing murder (oh wait, they already got away with that). The Fool, of course, has set the tone for the franchise: Supporting Lewis after he was convicted of obstructing justice in his murder trial and not even suspending him, supporting Jamal Lewis cause the poor guy didn't mean to make a coke deal on his cell phone, and basically just allowing a "boys will be boys" attitude as long as his defense kept winning football games for him.

Now the defense is older and not as talented. The time off seems to have taken a toll on J Lewis. And they still don't have a freaking QB or a passing attack. And here comes Trent Dilfer to provide The Fool with the ultimate bitchslap....

Cincinnati at Tennessee 1PM
The Bungles came back to earth (and back on track for 8-8) in Jacksonville last week after almost losing at home to winless Houston the week before. The national media was ready to put them in the AFC Championship, but the Great Zomboni said "wait a sec ... they haven't beaten ANYBODY". So this week they get another soft opponent and easy win, right? Nope. The dumb asses will be caught looking ahead to their "showdown" with Pittsburgh next week ... and you don't look past a Jeff Fisher-coached team. Look for McNair to have a big day, and Walter Payton's son to get in on the scoring. TITANS 34 BUNGLES 20

Cleveland at Baltimore 1PM
Trent Dilfer helped Brian Billick win a Super Bowl, but instead of paying him, Billick let him go and has suffered through a litany of mediocre QBs trying to make something out of his pathetic offensive gameplanning. Now Dilfer brings a Browns team to town that may not be as talented, but is disciplined and confident under new coach Romeo Crennell, who seems to have everybody on the same page in record time. The Browns aren't going to blow a lot of people out, but they will hang with every team every week until the end. And against an undisciplined bunch of head cases like the Ravens, that means a win in crunch time. Game ball for Trent. BROWNS 26 RAVENS 23

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh 1PM
The Stiller faithful are all worried about Big Gay Ben's boo boo this week, and who's going to play quarterback. Honestly, I'd be more worried about your 280 lb. tailback. Man, is he FAT. Bettis has always been big, but that guy must have spent his rehab at Burger King. I tuned into the game last week and I thought John Daly was playing tailback for the Stillers. If he stays healthy all season, I'll swim across the Monongahela in a Black & Gold thong. (Don't get excited, ladies.) This week, Jack Del Rio's swarming D will shut down Fat Jerome, Little Willie, Gimpy Ben, Weak-armed Tommy, Half-assed Hines or whoever else the Steelers throw out there. JAGUARS 23 STEELERS 10.

Zombo
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