Originally Posted by lamberts-lost-tooth
Hi...I' m Project Director Dr. Spencer Wells. Your DNA has been analyzed and I regret to say that your ancestral heritage goes back to the south east Asian tribe Bengalis Incompetence...or Homostupidus.
An in-breeding tribe with distinct yellow mohawks, Homostupidus made absolutely no major contributions to culture, art or any of the higher studies now known to man. They were however unique in their advancement of the criminal arts and their dubious ability for self-promotion.
As we follow your ancestral line, you can see that they were kicked out of virtually every self-respecting country, until in a bold move for freedom (and in keeping one step in front of the law)...they left for the New World in the late 1600's to finally settle into Southern Ohio. It is here that they live to this day, typified by their beer guts and cheetoh stained fingers. Still a people of social needs...Homostupidus can be found congregating inside prison yards and outside of welfare offices.
Thank you for your $99 dollar cover charge for this analysis, however the check you sent has been returned due to insufficient funds. Please contact us Immediately to make further financial arrangements.
Dr. Spencer, In haste to refute your findings, our research shows that most bottom feeders have turned to the Legal profession or they run for public office. Although they may be the more evolved form of hypocritus ludicrus of the homostupidus genome, the less evolved has a tendency to get juiced, push heavy weights, and be totally accepting of being loser and belonging to a a subgroup of suckaterious. Those members that suck in their endeavors are likely found yelling Who Dey for no apparent reason and to no one in particular, although they feel superior to all others. They should be approached with caution if encountered, for they usually have a strong odor, with missing teeth and carrying brown bottles of intoxicating liquids. The can be very unruly and have a penchant for arguments although they have no thoughts of what they are arguing about.
With due respects,
Dr. Semore Elfs Abc. Def.Ghi. Eieio.