By Gonzo I mean like a Nokia N95 or an iPhone for $20. Ain't gonna happen, you get what you pay for. Sorry. Ebay is your best bet. The best phone I ever got was off of ebay, and I've been using it for 2 1/2 years now. It's called the Motorola Pebl.
GREAT phone, and it'll work on T-Mobile if you get it unlocked.