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Jan 12: Two dudes in Tampa nervous about getting stabbed by Ray Lewis’s entourage
Two dudes in Tampa pretty nervous about getting stabbed by Ray Lewis’s entourage three weeks from tonight
TAMPA, FL — Juan Montanez and Cecil “Lucky C” Whitman are freaking out today, with the anticipation that one of them will almost surely be stabbed by one of Ray Lewis’s friends should the Ravens advance to the Super Bowl.
“I’m trippin’, man,” said Whitman, 24, who sells cell phones at the mall. “I’ll be rootin’ for the Steelers next week. Hard. Because if they don’t win, and Baltimore comes down to Tampa, and Ray Lewis and his buddies see me and my friends at a club, they’re going to stab one of us, and it’s probably going to be me.”
Whitman is referring to the incident from earlier this decade, when a member of Lewis’s entourage killed a man during Super Bowl weekend.”
“As far as we know, every time the Ravens go to the Super Bowl, someone dies,” Montanez said. “He’s 1-for-1. So if they go back to the Super Bowl, I’m fully expecting someone to get knifed. And I’m just saying right now, it’s going to be Lucky, it’s not going to be me.”
Lewis has denied that he’s going to kill someone — or even be present for someone’s death — during Super Bowl weekend.
“It’s a trap,” Whitman said. “He always says that, and then dudes wind up stabbed.”
Montanez said the he and Whitman are discussing ways to avoid getting stabbed by Lewis’s entourage over the Super Bowl. So far they have come up with two ideas: not going to any clubs, and also praying like hell that the Steelers beat the Ravens.
“Obviously if we don’t go out over the Super Bowl, we’re probably not getting stabbed to death,” Montanez said. “But not go out on Super Bowl weekend? Really? Do you know the kind of ladies that are going to be out on Super Bowl weekend?”
Whitman said that generally, on a normal weekend in Tampa at a club, you’ll find skanks. But he said that on Super Bowl weekend, you’re liable to also find profanityfilterprofanityfilterprofanityfilterprofa nityfilters and groupies.
“Basically, with the presence of all these other groupies and profanityfilterprofanityfilterprofanityfilterprofa nityfilters there, the skanks become really desperate,” Whitman said. “Which is awesome for dudes like me and Juan. That is, of course, until Ray Lewis’s best friend stabs us.”
Little old, but was very funny.