Last week I had a bye and hung out the Steelers. Hines Ward taught me to salsa, and I taught him how to eat birds and pee on people. Good times.
Pittsburgh Steelers at Kansas City Chiefs
James Harrison is going to make a Turducken out of the Chiefs quarterback. Steelers by 20.
Arizona Cardinals at St. Louis Rams
These teams stink. One quit on St. Louis and the other is the Cardinals. Arizona by 5.
Miami Mahi Mahi at Dallas Cowboys
Which one of these is not like the others: Tom Landry, Jimmy Johnson, or Jason Garrett? Itís a trick question, theyíre all losers. Fish by 14.
San Francisco Forty-Niners at Baltimore Ravens
Cain and Abel, The Brothers Karamazov, Tito and Michael Jackson. All better brothers than these clowns. Osmond Brothers by 10.
Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars
Jaguars are going to smack the Texans around worse than Santa Anna. Jacksonville by 3.
Buffalo Bills at Cincinnati Bengals
Buffalo will bounce back, just like Norwood did against the Giants. Sorry, sorry, was that too soon? Bengals by 5.
Minnesota Vikings at Atlanta Falcons
Matt Ryan looks like Woody from Toy Story, but he keeps winning. Falcons by 5.
Carolina Panthers at Indianapolis Colts
Thereís no ďIĒ in Colts, but thereís no Manning, either. Panthers by 10.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Tennessee Titans
Tampa Bay is full of senile, toothless old people. In other words, itís full of Tennessee. Bucs by 5.
Green Bay Packers at Detroit Lions
Donkey Kong Suhís favorite Thanksgiving Day meal? Roasted leg of Rogers. Lions win big.
Chicago Bears at Oakland Raiders
If the cops pepper spray Urlacher when he occupies Oakland, heíll eat their livers and make them thank him for the experience. Bears by 4.
Washington Redskins at Seattle Seahawks
Thatís not leftover spinach in Orakpoís teeth, itís Tarvaris Jackson. Washington by 10.
New York Giants at New Orleans Saints
Mediocrity is a big word- big enough for both these teams. Saints by 5.
Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers
Every dog has his day, and this is Norv Turnerís, unless Tebow completes two forward passes.
New England Patriots at Philadelphia Eagles
I shared a kennel at the Washington Area Rescue League with some of Mike Vickís dogs. Patriots by 455,555.