What do you call a smart blonde?
-- A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
-- Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
-- 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
-- 45 minutes.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
-- None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
-- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
-- They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
-- Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
-- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
-- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
Why does the bride always wear white?
-- Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the
-- The blonde, because she's 18.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
-- "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
-- Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
-- Everyone has the same DNA.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
-- A speech impediment.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
-- Boobs don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
-- He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
-- Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage,
along with a recipe.
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
- Row row row your boat.
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
-- A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale
"'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."