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August 9th, 2014, 7:30pmET

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Old 08-10-2013, 11:18 AM   #21
MACH1
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Dear diary,

Giselle had her way with me last night, I think she hyper extended my sphincter.
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Last edited by MACH1; 08-10-2013 at 12:05 PM.
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Old 08-10-2013, 11:45 AM   #22
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Dear Diary,

I made a new friend today. His name is Jon. #luckydog
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Old 08-10-2013, 12:19 PM   #23
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Dear Diary,

Broke a nail and tweaked a Kegel muscle today in practice. I'm trying to hide it so I don't need to go on I.R.

Big Ben isn't the only tough QB in the NFL!
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Old 08-10-2013, 12:58 PM   #24
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Dear Diary,

I just stumbled upon a Steelers message board called Steelers Fever, while searching for hair care products to combat this humidity that is just frizzing my hair and making it very unmanageable. The people there are very mean, and just don't seem to understand how great I am, and that all these insults hurt my feelings. Those maniacs make fun of me losing Super Bowl after Super Bowl. Why do they keep tormenting me like that. I deserved to win those games.

P.S.

Pittsburgh isn't all bad. They have some pretty sweet looking players I'd love to take some snaps from too. That Maurkice guy is stunning and he thinks Hernandez should be able to come back to me. That gets me hot just thinking about it!

Someday! Someday......
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Old 08-10-2013, 05:30 PM   #25
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Dear diary,

Gisele's balls are bigger than mine :( feeling sad
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Old 08-10-2013, 05:34 PM   #26
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Dear Diary, Why does the world not see me for my awesomeness? I mean outside of Boston and the surrounding area, outside of the NFL network, outside of ESPN, outside of Roger's office I am viewed as a pussy, (yuck I even hate saying the word, if I was viewed as a Dick I could relate). I am a former NFL MVP, three time winning Superbowl Champ, and I am beautiful, dammit. Just because BB used film to give us an edge in our wins is not my fault, just because they invented a rule to help me to my first SB and then do away with it is not my fault. Just because they protect my beautiful face and gorgeous legs, is not my fault. But to the barbarians of the rest of the NFL I am viewed as a whiny, pampered. spoiled prima donna QB who has not won a SB since all of those things. I am so sad, Wes gone, Gronk hurt, and Aaron in the big house. Well at least Aaron said he could hook me up with some conjugal visits and introduce me to some new friends. Ta ta for now diary, you are the only one who understands me.
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:29 AM   #27
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Dear Diary,

Heath Miller will be off the PUP list before the start of the regular season. F*ck! Couldn't they wait until after November 3rd?
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:27 PM   #28
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

There's got to be at least one open entry where he counts how many times he brushed his hair each day.

Such as...

Day 497: 4201 times
Day 498: 4633 times
Day 499: 7844 times (4318 by me, 3526 by Gisele XOXO)
Day 500: 2816 times (was pretty tired after a wild night with Gisele XXXOXXXO---see page 286)
Day 501: 5125 times (finally broke 5k, but hair still not as pretty as Troy's... need to condition more or less?)
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:37 PM   #29
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Quote:
Originally Posted by MACH1 View Post
Dear diary,

Giselle had her way with me last night, I think she hyper extended my sphincter.
Dear diary,

It's been REALLY hard trying to figure out what to get Gisele for XMas this year. What do you get the woman who makes more and has prettier hair than you? I've been trying to pay extra-close attention to any hints she drops, but it's tough.

Lately she's been talking a lot about how much she likes coffee. I'll go out looking for this 'swiss mocha' brand tonight. And I think she might want someone to 'pimp her ride' because she keeps talking about 'rim jobs'.

This is really tough. I can't just give her more 'IOU love' coupons and there's no way I'm doing that thing she wants with Tebow.

Maybe I will just cave in and buy her that 'pearl necklace' she's been asking for...
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Old 08-14-2013, 06:21 PM   #30
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Default Re: Tom Brady's Diary

Diary Entry on August 14th,

Belichick talked to me today. We passed in the hall and he said, 'hey'. Or maybe it was, 'hmrph' and it could have been, 'huh?'. It's always hard to tell the way he mumbles his words. It doesn't matter though, I'm just glad that we're talking again!

Gronk has been riding my last nerve for too long. His frat boy humor is annoying. Does he have to chuckle every time someone says 'Spread Offense'? He also keeps calling me, 'bro' and telling me to 'relax' during film sessions. Then the other day he convinced some of the guys to give me the nickname 'Moses'. I think he meant to start the nickname, 'Methuselah' and doesn't know the difference, but still... I'd really like to lob a soft one over the middle so he would get clocked Ryan Clark style by a defender in practice, but he'd probably get hurt... and then who would I throw to? That Ramenallah guy? Maybe if I can get Gronk to piss off that Blount kid...

That Tebow guy really annoys me, too. I don't like the way he looks at me. I'm definitely going to keep an eye on him and make sure that I'm the last one to shower. And how much religious literature is he going to try and force on me? I've won three Super Bowls and am married to a Victoria Secret model---I know there's a God and he's been good to me! Whatever. At least I don't have to worry about competing with him in camp.

Speaking of odd characters, I'm don't think our punter knows English and I'm tired of him calling me 'Mr. Tom'. It seems like every phone conversation he has is in some Eastern European dialect. And why does he always ask to be paid in cash? I'm starting to think he may be a mole planted by Putin to spy on or steal from Mr. Kraft. The other day I caught him snooping around the bosses' office and confronted him and he gave me the usual, 'I'm sorry, Mr. Tom, sir! It won't happen again!' business. There has to be someone we can call to check on his visa status.

Ugh, another 'friend' request on facebook from Welker. Take the hint, Wes.

Who needs spygate when you've got Hard Knocks?
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