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Old 06-30-2006, 11:56 AM   #1
BlacknGold Bleeder
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Default SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is the difference between
a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.


Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs


What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between
a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


!
What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to
move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult
to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education
classes in Redneck schools
use the car only on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because e on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong

What would you call it when
an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the
flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between
a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between
a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
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Old 06-30-2006, 01:18 PM   #2
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Default Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlacknGold Bleeder
How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
LMAO!!!
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Old 06-30-2006, 01:22 PM   #3
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Default Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

what is love???


when your heart melts and drips out your penis.
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Old 06-30-2006, 03:55 PM   #4
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Default Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they
were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each
of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too , picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over
the beer and then started yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU
BASTARD!!!!"
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Old 03-05-2007, 07:26 PM   #5
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Default Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlacknGold Bleeder View Post
What would you call it when
an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
i was almost offended hahaha
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Old 03-06-2007, 11:23 AM   #6
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Default Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

Good jokes!...

here's another one...

Mexican Bungee Jumping

Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe,
"You know,we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in
Mexico. They don't have it there." Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their
money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They
travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a
crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
When they had finished,there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to
give a demonstration.

So Al jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Joe notices
that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he
falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again Joe misses him. Al falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back
pretty messed up, he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily,
Joe finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"


Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd, What
the hell is a pi?ata?"
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Old 03-06-2007, 02:18 PM   #7
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Default Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

Wow....these are offending... and yet they amuse me...

~Polamalufan43
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Old 03-06-2007, 05:24 PM   #8
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Cool Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

LMAO!!!
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