DNC Convention day one schedule

[TroysBadDawg]

Schedule of Events for Day One of DNC


Here is the schedule for day one of the DNC that was emailed to me.


• 7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning, (U.S., U.K. and Israeli flags will be in attendance.)


• 7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N. and the future "One World Government."


• 7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Back-up chants provided by the local Wiccan Organization.


• 7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging. A fake Oak tree will be provided.


• 7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 8:00 pm ~ A Speech given by Al Gore on "How I Invented the Internet." Expecting a possible run-over as the Goracle is expected to blend this with Global Warming.


• 8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning, Barney Frank presiding.


• 8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 8:40 pm ~ "Our Troops are War Criminals," speech given by John Kerry and Jane Fonda.


• 9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon will deliver the eulogies of these Heroic figures.

• 9:50 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 10:00 pm ~ 'Answering Machine Etiquette' by residing expert, Alec Baldwin.


• 10:20 pm ~ The New "Drive Thru Abortion Express Lanes," being installed at Planned Parenthood franchises across the nation. Cecile Richards speaking.


• 11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 11:05 pm ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund to be sponsored by Barbara Streisand.


• 11:15 pm ~ "Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay" announcement by Sean Penn.


• 11:30 pm ~ "Oval Office Affairs. The proper use of cigars," brought to you by William Jefferson Clinton.


• 11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 11:50 pm ~ "How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers," by Howard Dean and Rosie O'Donnell. Dean will perform his trademark scream for the crowd.


• 12:15 am ~ 'Truth in Broadcasting Award' - Presented to Sir Dan Rather by Michael Moore will be simulcast from the Magical, Mystical World of Journalistic Knights.


• 12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Mahmoud will briefly discuss the dhimmitudal role of the great satan.


• 12:45 am ~ Nomination of Barack Hussein Obama by Nancy Pelosi. Address will be fed live via satellite from Syrian President Assad's hot tub.


• 1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 1:05 am ~ Coronation of Barack Hussein Obama


• 1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.


• 1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home. Billy reminds him to use the route through Chappaquiddick.