Dumbest Things Ever Said in Court

I_Bleed_Black_And_Gold · 06-20-2009, 10:19 PM

* Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

* Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

* What happened then?
He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Did he kill you?

* Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

* The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

* Were you alone or by yourself?

* What is the meaning of sperm being present?
It indicates intercourse.
Male sperm?
That is the only kind I know.

* Can you describe the individual?
He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male or female?

* How long have you been a French Canadian?

* How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

* Mr. Clark, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
I went to Europe, sir.
And did you take your new wife?

* Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

* I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
That's me.
Were you present when that picture was taken?

* Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

* Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?

* Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
I'll be three months on November 8.
Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
Yes.
What were you doing at that time?

* Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
I used to be.
How many times have you committed suicide?

* So you were gone until you returned?

* She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?

* You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

* You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?

* Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.

* All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
Oral.

* Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Yes, I have been since early childhood.

* Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct?
No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

Texasteel · 06-21-2009, 06:18 AM

How many years to Lawyers have to study for this?

1st&Goal · 06-21-2009, 02:45 PM

Q: What do you say to a Cincy Bengal in a 3 piece suit?

A: Will the defendant please rise.

Steeler in Carolina · 06-21-2009, 07:47 PM

How about:

We would like Mr. Simpson to try on the glove.

06-20-2009, 10:19 PM	#1
I_Bleed_Black_And_Gold Assistant Coach Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Alabaster, AL Posts: 1,301 Gender: Male Member Number: 10606 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Dumbest Things Ever Said in Court * Was that the same nose you broke as a child? * Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning? * What happened then? He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Did he kill you? * Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? * The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? * Were you alone or by yourself? * What is the meaning of sperm being present? It indicates intercourse. Male sperm? That is the only kind I know. * Can you describe the individual? He was about medium height and had a beard. Was this a male or female? * How long have you been a French Canadian? * How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision? * Mr. Clark, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? I went to Europe, sir. And did you take your new wife? * Do you have any children or anything of that kind? * I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. That's me. Were you present when that picture was taken? * Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? * Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? By death. And by whose death was it terminated? * Do you know how far pregnant you are now? I'll be three months on November 8. Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? Yes. What were you doing at that time? * Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? I used to be. How many times have you committed suicide? * So you were gone until you returned? * She had three children, right? Yes. How many were boys? None. Were there girls? * You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? * You say that the stairs went down to the basement? Yes. And these stairs, did they go up also? * Have you lived in this town all your life? Not yet. * All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to? Oral. * Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Yes, I have been since early childhood. * Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown? It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct? No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy! __________________

06-21-2009, 06:18 AM	#2
Texasteel Living Legend Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Dallas, Tx Posts: 3,638 Gender: Male Member Number: 8323 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Dumbest Things Ever Said in Court How many years to Lawyers have to study for this? __________________ Simply, The Chief.

06-21-2009, 02:45 PM	#3
1st&Goal Bench Warmer Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Francestown, N.H. Posts: 198 Gender: Male Member Number: 8802 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Dumbest Things Ever Said in Court Q: What do you say to a Cincy Bengal in a 3 piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise.

06-21-2009, 07:47 PM	#4
Steeler in Carolina Team President Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Wilmington, NC Posts: 2,374 Gender: Male Member Number: 1634 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Dumbest Things Ever Said in Court How about: We would like Mr. Simpson to try on the glove.

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