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Old 01-24-2014, 10:19 AM   #1
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Default Browns Fire New Head Coach After Sixteen Hours On Job

“It’s Simply Time For A New Direction” Says Cleveland G.M.

By PFM Staff Updated: January 24, 2014

CLEVELAND – Claiming that the organization needed, “a fresh new approach,” the Cleveland Browns today announced the firing of Mike Pettine, the former defensive coordinator of the Buffalo Bills whom the team hired as their new head coach sixteen hours prior to his termination.


Pettine departs Cleveland with a lifetime record of 0-0, good enough to make his tenure one of the most successful periods during the past several decades of Browns football.

“At this time, the Browns franchise has chosen to part ways with Mike Pettine,” said team G.M. Michael Lombardi. “We thank Mike for everything that he’s done during his nearly full-day stay with our team, and we wish him well in all his future endeavors. Unfortunately, we just didn’t see the hour-to-hour improvement that we were looking for.”

“I’m saddened to leave the team under these circumstances, but I understand that this is a business decision,” said Pettine, placing his personal office effects into the same white cardboard box from which he’d unpacked them the previous afternoon. “This is a ‘what-have-you-done-for-me-lately’ league, and the bottom line is that we didn’t get the job done here. I thank the Browns for the opportunity they gave me. There’s a lot of great guys on this roster, or so I’ve heard, and I’m sure I’d miss them terribly if I’d had the chance to meet any of them before my termination.”

Added Pettine: “Can someone show me where the front door is again?”

Lombardi told reporters that a search for a new Browns head coach would begin “immediately,” and will be conducted “with all the efficiency and professionalism that fans have come to expect from our proud organization.”

While Lombardi declined to name candidates on the team’s short list for the newly vacated position, sources close to the Browns revealed that possible successors to Pettine include Patriots offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels, Seahawks defensive coordinator Dan Quinn, the currently unemployed Rob Chudzinski, and Broncos offensive coordinator Alan Gase.

http://profootballmock.com/browns-fi...een-hours-job/
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Old 01-24-2014, 10:23 AM   #2
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Default Re: Browns Fire New Head Coach After Sixteen Hours On Job

I had a feeling this would be either an Onion or Pro Football Mock piece. It's funny because it's plausible.
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Old 01-24-2014, 10:36 AM   #3
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Default Re: Browns Fire New Head Coach After Sixteen Hours On Job

Honestly, I'm stunned they waited this long to can his ass. As soon as he spoke at the press conference about winning ball games, I fully expected a sniper shot to ring out from a balcony as the Browns franchise model doesn't subscribe to that philosophy.

How are they supposed to continue drafting their annual franchise QB with that kind of radical, backwards thinking?
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Old 01-24-2014, 12:01 PM   #4
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Default Re: Browns Fire New Head Coach After Sixteen Hours On Job

The Browns, a team whose bandwagon I would never have to jump on. I only cheer for winners
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Old 01-24-2014, 12:46 PM   #5
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The Browns, a team whose bandwagon I would never have to jump on. I only cheer for whiners
Fixed!
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Old 01-24-2014, 12:51 PM   #6
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Default Re: Browns Fire New Head Coach After Sixteen Hours On Job

This bum is worse than Rod Marinelli. Yeah Marinelli went winless in a season but at least he actually won a single game.
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Old 01-24-2014, 12:54 PM   #7
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This bum is worse than Rod Marinelli. Yeah Marinelli went winless in a season but at least he actually won a single game.
They should trade for Tomlin and then fire him for losing with Chudzinski's players after 2 games.
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Old 01-24-2014, 02:15 PM   #8
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Fixed!
Nah there aint no whining. You know, cause I only cheer for the winning team. I'm going for the broncos now, but the moment seattle starts winning, I'll jump ship! Either way it's a party at my place son, I NEVER LOSE
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Old 01-24-2014, 02:46 PM   #9
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Default Re: Browns Fire New Head Coach After Sixteen Hours On Job

What ever happened to the rebate fraud case against Haslam? When is he going to jail, and will he have to sell the team when he's (rightfully) locked away?
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Old 01-24-2014, 02:50 PM   #10
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What ever happened to the rebate fraud case against Haslam? When is he going to jail, and will he have to sell the team when he's (rightfully) locked away?
I think the jury decided that owning the Browns was punishment enough. Okay, I kid. I haven't heard any new developments but I'd assume he would have to sell the team if convicted.
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