The difference between dogs and cats

[Ohio Steeler]

Subject: The differences in dog's and cat's outlook

Excerpts from a Dog?s Daily Diary

8:00am Oh, Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30am Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40am A walk in the park! Ate some crap?.delicious!!
10:30am Getting rubbed and petted! I?m in love!
12:00pm Lunch! Yummy!
1:00pm Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00pm Staring adoringly at my masters?they?re the best! I?ll wag my tail in joy.
4:00pm Hooray! The kids are home! I?m bouncing off the walls!
5:00pm Milkbones! Great!
7:00pm Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00pm Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00pm Sleeping at the bottom of my master?s bed! Life is soooooogreat!

Excerpts from a Cat?s Daily Diary

Day 683 of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I am fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ?good little hunter? I am. The audacity!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of ?allergies?. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow?but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released?and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got be an informant?I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe?for now. But I can wait.

It is only a matter of time