Why register with the Steelers Fever Forums?
 • Intelligent and friendly discussions.
 • It's free and it's quick. Always.
 • Enter events in the forums calendar.
 • Very user friendly software.
 • Exclusive contests and giveaways.

 Donate to Steelers Fever, Click here
 Our 2014 Goal: $450.00 - To Date: $450.00 (100.00%)
 Home | Forums | Editorials | Shop | Tickets | Downloads | Contact Pittsburgh Steelers Forum Feed Not Just Fans. Hardcore Fans.

Go Back   Steelers Fever Forums > Steelers Football > Pittsburgh Steelers


Steelers Fever Fan Shop

Doc's Sports Get FREE NFL Picks and College Football picks as well as Football Lines like live NFL Lines and updated NFL Power Rankings all at Doc's Sports Service.

Steelers

LOL

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-29-2006, 10:36 AM   #1
onemanswarm
Water Boy
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 10
Member Number: 4096
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Week 12 Shower Rankings (1-16)

Every Tuesday morning, I wake up an hour early so that I can sit on the floor of my shower and meditate on the current state of the NFL until the water runs cold. This morning, through the power of prayer, the following rankings were revealed to me:

1. Indianapolis Colts (10-1): A workmanlike dismantling of Philadelphia was exactly how the Colts were expected to rebound from their first loss of the season, and they did not disappoint. The main storyline from this game was the coming out party of Joseph Addai, which was considered to be quite rude because November 26 had already been reserved for the coming out party of Elijah Wood. While the addition of a formidable running game would certainly make the Colts appear even tougher, they cannot be considered unbeatable until they prove that they can stop the run. Their defense continues to get gashed by running backs, which reminds me: Kudos to Judith Regan and Rupert Murdoch for their decision to cancel the O.J. Simpson book and television special. However, the shower predicts that Judith, Rupert, and O.J. will meet again; on the business end of Satan?s rapestick.

2. Baltimore Ravens (9-2): It pains me to rank this team as high as number two, because I have contended from the start that the Ravens were pretenders. That they were getting lucky week after week. That by the time the playoffs got into full swing, Brian Billick would be joining the broadcast booth, Steve McNair would be loading up his tackle box, and Jamal Lewis would be chiefing like a college freshman after finals. Well, I am officially and begrudgingly backing Baltimore, a fact which may very well lead to three consecutive losses.

3. San Diego Chargers (9-2): It may have been close. It may have been Oakland. But a win is a win. Now, we turn to this week?s edition of ?The GM Corner,? where we write revisionist history for various league transactions. Today?s question: Who would you rather build an NFL team around, Michael Vick or LaDanian Tomlinson? Join us again next week when we debate the virtues of Eli Manning v. the combined value of Ph-Riv, Shawne Merriman, Roman Oben, and Nate Kaeding.

4. New England Patriots (8-3): A satisfying win over Chicago, but what?s the deal with all the fumbles? The last time a tight end gave it up that many times in a night, Mark Chmura was involved.

5. Chicago Bears (9-2): Opponents are consistently bringing more pass rushers than the Bears can block, and people all over Chicago are learning about the dangers of having unprotected Rex.

6. Dallas Cowboys (7-4): That was the biggest Thanksgiving blowout since the year my Uncle Gino found out he had IBS.

7. Seattle Seahawks (7-4): Shaun Alexander played like the contract year Shaun Alexander, the sight of which caused Mike Shanahan to promptly fill his pants. Speaking of Shanahan?

8. Denver Broncos (7-4): I think it was time for Jake Plummer to get the hook. For the last three weeks, the poor guy has been looking over his shoulder more than Leonardo DiCaprio in the last 45 minutes of The Departed. What is it like when a coach makes the move to switch quarterbacks mid-season? Do you think Shanahan gave Jay Cutler the James Tolkan treatment from Top Gun. ?Plummer was number one, you were number two. Plummer lost it. Turned in his wings. Now you are number one. And if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!?

9. New Orleans Saints (7-4): Another Herculean effort from Drew Brees, but this week he avoided the turnovers and the Saints came away with a big divisional road win. And just when you thought the loss of Marques Colston might hurt wide receiver production, Devery Henderson has consecutive 160 yard efforts. Now, we turn to this week?s edition of ?The GM Corner,? where we write revisionist history for various league transactions. Today?s question: Which receiving core did you project to be the most productive in 2006, Marques Colston and Devery Henderson, or Charles Rogers, Roy Williams, and Mike Williams? Join us again next week when we discuss Matt Millen?s fellatio skills and the significant role that the Shanghai Technique plays in his job security.

10. Kansas City Chiefs (7-4): Since returning to the lineup, Trent Green has thrown for a combined 263 yards, 0 TD, and 1 INT. Yet, KC has gone 2-0 in that stretch precisely because Larry Johnson has enormous genitals. At least, he is playing like he does. And due to that fact, I move that we immediately commence calling Larry Johnson ?Hairy Johnson,? because of his ability to penetrate holes along the line, plow through the labia majora that are opposing secondaries, and score with or without opponent consent. If H.J. can maintain his current level of production, the Chiefs will continue to shoot hot ropes of victory from the barrel of their metaphorical yogurt pistol.

11. Cincinnati Bengals (6-5): Just when you thought the Bengals were tranquilized and ready to have their ears tagged so that we could track their many off-season transgressions, they rattle off two impressive road wins and find themselves right back in the mix. That sets the stage for a huge showdown (cue Electric Light Orchestra) when they return home to host the Baltimore Ravens. ?Headin? for a SHOW DAUUWWN!? Unfortunately, this particular showdown will be viewed by exactly eighty-three people, as it will be shown exclusively on the NFL network. ?Poorly-rated SHOWDAUUWWN!? Personally, I?m so excited about this game that I can?t stop touching my Larry Johnson.

12. Jacksonville Jaguars (6-5): If Byron Leftwich continues to assert that he is healthy and able to play, how long will it be before Jack Del Rio starts thinking like Chazz Palminteri in Bullets Over Broadway?

13. Carolina Panthers (6-5): As a Bear fan, I breathe just a little easier following every Carolina loss. There are better teams in the NFC, but perhaps no better individual player than Steve Smith. If Jake Delhomme would forego the Lloyd Christmas haircut, the Panthers might be the most intimidating team in the league.

14. New York Jets (6-5): How impressive is this Jets team? Of particularly note is the job being done on the field by Chad Pennington along with the off-the-field work of Eric Mangina. Remember, this team was picked by a lot of experts to finish last in the league. And yet, if the Bears had managed to throw to someone other than Asante Samuel on Sunday, the Jets might find themselves a mere game behind the division-leading Patriots.

15. New York Giants (6-5): Where are the comments from Tiki and Shockey? Was this a case of the Giants being outcoached so clearly and thoroughly that the team didn?t even feel the need to point this out to the media? Incidentally, I hope that we have not heard the last about the Mathias Kiwanuka sack-that-became-a-4th-and-10-conversion play. This league needs to find a balance between protecting the quarterback and fostering defensive aggression. Maybe the NFL should start by testing for HGH? Nah. Anyway, the loss sets the stage for a huge showdown when Dallas comes to the Meadowlands on Sunday. E.L.O.? ?Tuna-Coughlin SHOWDAUUWWN!?
onemanswarm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2006, 10:59 AM   #2
tony hipchest
IRONMAN a.k.a. Tony Stark
Supporter
 
tony hipchest's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Give me back my game...
Posts: 40,303
Member Number: 658
Thanks: 2,315
Thanked 10,367 Times in 4,304 Posts
Default Re: Week 12 Shower Rankings (1-16)

good stuff.
tony hipchest is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2006, 02:38 PM   #3
R2sojr
Bench Warmer
 
R2sojr's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 165
Gender: Male
Member Number: 892
Thanks: 0
Thanked 7 Times in 5 Posts
Default Re: Week 12 Shower Rankings (1-16)

this is good stuff...but i like the Chargers to take it all.....there having a season like we did last year...and everything is bouncing their way
__________________
R2sojr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2006, 02:56 PM   #4
stlrtruck
THE PRINCESS' Daddy
Supporter
 
stlrtruck's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 8,783
Gender: Male
Member Number: 2398
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Default Re: Week 12 Shower Rankings (1-16)

Now that's a beautiful piece of writing!!!
__________________

60 Minutes, 53 Men, 6 Trophies,1 NATION. . .STEELERS NATION!!!
Sig courtesy of STEELAX04
stlrtruck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2006, 05:52 PM   #5
Stillers#1
Banned
 
Stillers#1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Living in Spokane, WA because fo the Air Force.
Posts: 1,178
Gender: Male
Member Number: 1082
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Week 12 Shower Rankings (1-16)

THAT IS CLASSIC....and I can't even read.
Stillers#1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2006, 03:45 AM   #6
SteelersWoman
Bench Warmer
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 243
Member Number: 3077
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Week 12 Shower Rankings (1-16)

Darn--wish EYE'D written that....
(wish I'd have written week 12 (17-32) as well)
__________________
"Cheat THAT"!!! - Joey Porter after sacking Peyton Manning ('05 playoff game)
SteelersWoman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2006, 07:13 AM   #7
HometownGal
Living Legend
 
HometownGal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 21,479
Gender: Female
Member Number: 2413
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Week 12 Shower Rankings (1-16)

Thanks for the laughs - great stuff!
__________________


The Anti-Wahoo
HometownGal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2006, 07:37 AM   #8
Infamix
Team President
Supporter
 
Infamix's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,283
Gender: Male
Member Number: 917
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Week 12 Shower Rankings (1-16)

Hey best power rankings I've seen
Infamix is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:09 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.0.8 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd. Runs best on HiVelocity Hosting.
Navbar with Avatar by Motorradforum
no new posts