Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux

memphissteelergirl · 02-05-2007, 12:13 PM

Hey all,

I was listening to "Prairie Home Companion" this weekend and they were doing a show on jokes-where listeners sent in jokes and puns. Garrison Keillor did a really funny skit on bad jokes, so it got me thinking about getting another bad jokes thread started. Here's one of them from the show.

One Sunday in a small town church Satan himself showed up...He came in a blaze of fire and brimstone to the screams and horror of everyone there.

"I am Beelzebub...Evil Incarnate!" he hissed at the peope, walking up and down the aisle "Your worst nightmare."

One old guy in the pews sat back with his arms folded, unimpressed. "You don't scare me, he sniffed."I've been married to your sister for the past 48 years!"

sumo · 02-05-2007, 12:50 PM

Horse walks into a bar - the bartender says "hey, why the long face?"

memphissteelergirl · 02-05-2007, 01:44 PM

From a speech of a retirement party for a pharmaceutical company's top laxative salesman:

"Joe was our top sales man, grossing over 3 million in laxative sales, yet he is just a regular guy."

Ba-dum-bump...

BOXCAR JOEY · 02-06-2007, 08:04 AM

" a duck walks into a bar and orders drinks for the house... the bar tender asks, " how are you supposed to pay for this duck?" the duck says " just Put it on my bill"

worst joke ever

83-Steelers-43 · 02-06-2007, 08:17 AM

If h20 is inside a fire hydrant.. what's on the outside?

k9p.

memphissteelergirl · 02-06-2007, 08:56 AM

Why did the urologist lose his medical license?

He got in trouble with his pee-rs!

lamberts-lost-tooth · 02-06-2007, 10:07 AM

What do termites eat for breakfast?
Oakmeal

How does the queen bee get around her hive?
She's throne.

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

lamberts-lost-tooth · 02-06-2007, 10:09 AM

...and my favorite "drunk" joke from college:

Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.

memphissteelergirl · 02-06-2007, 02:59 PM

Did you hear about the guy who was diagnosed as psychoceramic? Yep, he was a real crackpot. !

Ba-dum-bump!

floodcitygirl · 02-07-2007, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lloydfan4life

A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law dies.

They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that it?ll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150.

The guy says, ?We?ll ship her home.?

The undertaker asks, ?Are you sure? That?s an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here.?

The guy says, ?Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can?t take that chance.?

That's not a bad joke Lloyd...it's really pretty funny!

02-05-2007, 12:13 PM	#1
memphissteelergirl Head Coach Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Inside your brain Posts: 1,923 Gender: Female Member Number: 2648 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux Hey all, I was listening to "Prairie Home Companion" this weekend and they were doing a show on jokes-where listeners sent in jokes and puns. Garrison Keillor did a really funny skit on bad jokes, so it got me thinking about getting another bad jokes thread started. Here's one of them from the show. One Sunday in a small town church Satan himself showed up...He came in a blaze of fire and brimstone to the screams and horror of everyone there. "I am Beelzebub...Evil Incarnate!" he hissed at the peope, walking up and down the aisle "Your worst nightmare." One old guy in the pews sat back with his arms folded, unimpressed. "You don't scare me, he sniffed."I've been married to your sister for the past 48 years!" __________________ Memo to all smack-talkin' trolls: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."-Abe Lincoln

02-05-2007, 12:50 PM	#2
sumo Team Captain Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Asotin, WA Posts: 891 Gender: Male Member Number: 3047 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux Horse walks into a bar - the bartender says "hey, why the long face?" __________________ "You can't handle the truth..." "The Bears are who we thought they were!!!! ..the Bears are who we thought they were!!!! ...you wanna crown their a--, then crown'em..." Dennis Green - voted Best Damn Quote by Fox Sports and Sumo-2006

02-05-2007, 01:44 PM	#3
memphissteelergirl Head Coach Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Inside your brain Posts: 1,923 Gender: Female Member Number: 2648 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux From a speech of a retirement party for a pharmaceutical company's top laxative salesman: "Joe was our top sales man, grossing over 3 million in laxative sales, yet he is just a regular guy." Ba-dum-bump... __________________ Memo to all smack-talkin' trolls: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."-Abe Lincoln

02-06-2007, 08:04 AM	#4
BOXCAR JOEY Bench Warmer Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Metuchen, NJ Posts: 338 Gender: Male Member Number: 3729 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux " a duck walks into a bar and orders drinks for the house... the bar tender asks, " how are you supposed to pay for this duck?" the duck says " just Put it on my bill" worst joke ever __________________ WIN OR LOSE.........I still bleed black and gold. Http://www.Myspace.com/Trappedinemerica

02-06-2007, 08:17 AM	#5
83-Steelers-43 Living Legend Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 12,993 Gender: Male Member Number: 1009 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux If h20 is inside a fire hydrant.. what's on the outside? k9p. __________________

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02-06-2007, 08:56 AM	#6
memphissteelergirl Head Coach Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Inside your brain Posts: 1,923 Gender: Female Member Number: 2648 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux Why did the urologist lose his medical license? He got in trouble with his pee-rs! __________________ Memo to all smack-talkin' trolls: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."-Abe Lincoln

02-06-2007, 10:07 AM	#7
lamberts-lost-tooth Banned Join Date: May 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 10,829 Gender: Male Member Number: 2363 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux What do termites eat for breakfast? Oakmeal How does the queen bee get around her hive? She's throne. How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler. Why does a chicken coop have only two doors? If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

02-06-2007, 10:09 AM	#8
lamberts-lost-tooth Banned Join Date: May 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 10,829 Gender: Male Member Number: 2363 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux ...and my favorite "drunk" joke from college: Ask me if I'm a tree. Huh? Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

02-06-2007, 02:59 PM	#9
memphissteelergirl Head Coach Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Inside your brain Posts: 1,923 Gender: Female Member Number: 2648 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Bad Jokes and Puns-Part Deux Did you hear about the guy who was diagnosed as psychoceramic? Yep, he was a real crackpot. ! Ba-dum-bump! __________________ Memo to all smack-talkin' trolls: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."-Abe Lincoln

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