Why register with the Steelers Fever Forums?
 • Intelligent and friendly discussions.
 • It's free and it's quick. Always.
 • Enter events in the forums calendar.
 • Very user friendly software.
 • Exclusive contests and giveaways.

 Donate to Steelers Fever, Click here
 Our 2014 Goal: $450.00 - To Date: $450.00 (100.00%)
 Home | Forums | Editorials | Shop | Tickets | Downloads | Contact Pittsburgh Steelers Forum Feed Not Just Fans. Hardcore Fans.

Go Back   Steelers Fever Forums > Miscellaneous > Fun House


Steelers Fever Fan Shop

Doc's Sports Get FREE NFL Picks and College Football picks as well as Football Lines like live NFL Lines and updated NFL Power Rankings all at Doc's Sports Service.

Steelers Fever Presents...

Steelers Panthers

GAMEDAY
Sunday, September 21, 8:30 PM
NBC
Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-09-2007, 09:43 PM   #1
stillers4me
Living Legend
 
stillers4me's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 8,670
Gender: Female
Member Number: 2656
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Teenage Daughter's Manual

Teenager Owners Manual
Copyright 2004 W. Bruce Cameron ? Please do not remove the copyright from
this essay


Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenaged daughter.
Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the maintenance of your
new daughter, and answers important questions about your warranty (which
does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full
refund.)

IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR: To determine whether
you were supposed to receive a teenaged girl, please examine your new
daughter carefully. Does she (a) look very similar to your original
daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing? (b) refuse to acknowledge
your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)? (c) sleep
in a burrow of dirty laundry? If any of these are true, you have received
the correct item. Nice try, though.

BREAK-IN PERIOD: When you first receive your teenaged daughter, you will
initially experience a high level of discomfort. Gradually, this discomfort
will subside, and you will merely feel traumatized. This is the "Break-In
Period," during which you are becoming accustomed to certain behaviors that
will cause you concern, anxiety, and stress. Once you have adapted to these
behaviors, your teenager will start acting even worse.

ACTIVATION: To activate your teenaged daughter, simply place her in the
vicinity of a telephone. No further programming is required.

SHUTDOWN: Several hours after activation, you may desire to shut down your
teenaged daughter. There is no way to do this.

CLEANING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Having a teenaged daughter means learning
the difference between the words "clean" and "neat." Teenaged daughters are
very clean, because they take frequent showers that last more than an hour.
They will scrub themselves with expensive, fragrant soaps which you must
purchase for them because like I'm sure I'm going to use like the same kind
of soap my mom and dad use. When they have completely drained the hot-water
tank, they will step out and wrap themselves in every towel in the bathroom,
which they will subsequently strew throughout the house. If you ask them to
pick up the towels, you are confusing "clean" with "neat." Teenagers are
very busy and do not have time to be neat. They expect others to pick up
after them. These others are called "parents."

FEEDING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Your teenaged daughter requires regular
meals, which must be purchased for her at restaurants because she detests
everything you eat because it is like so disgusting. She does not want you
to accompany her to these restaurants, because some people might see you and
like I'm sure I want my friends to see me eating dinner with my parents.
Either order take-out food or just give her the money, preferably both. If
you order pizza, never answer the doorbell because the delivery boy might
see you and ohmigod he is so hot. Yes, your daughter's idea of an attractive
man is the pizza boy.

CLOTHING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Retailers make millions of dollars a year
selling stylish and frankly sensible clothing which will look adorable on
your daughter. If you enjoy shopping, you will love the vast selections
which are available to you. Unfortunately, your teenaged daughter wants to
dress like a lap dancer. You may be able to co?rce her into putting on a
cute outfit before leaving the house, but by the time she walks in the
schoolhouse door, she will be wearing something entirely different.

OTHER MAINTENANCE: Teenaged daughters require one of two levels of
maintenance: "High," and "Ultra High." Your daughter is "Ultra High." This
means that whatever you do won't be enough and whatever you try won't work.

WARRANTY: This product is not without defect because she has your genes, for
heaven's sake. If you think this is not fair, talk to your parents, who
think it is hilarious. Your teenaged daughter will remain a teenager for as
long as it takes for her to become a woman, which in her opinion has already
happened and as far as you are concerned never really will. If you are
dissatisfied with your teenaged daughter, well, what did you expect? In any
event, your warranty does not give you your little girl back under any
circumstances, except that deep down she's actually still there?you just
have to look for her.
__________________
"We're not going to turn our backs on him," Ward said. "We're going to treat him like our brother. We're going to accept him back and be very supportive of him and help him get through this. In this locker room, he's still our quarterback."
stillers4me is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2007, 09:58 PM   #2
floodcitygirl
Team Owner
 

Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 2,752
Member Number: 1784
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Teenage Daughter's Manual

LOL! Thank God I have boys!!!!!
__________________


Thanks to MeanJoe for surprising me with my new sig.
floodcitygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2007, 10:22 PM   #3
SteelCityMan786
SF's Youngest Legend
 

Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Hollidaysburg PA
Posts: 19,587
Gender: Male
Member Number: 541
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default Re: Teenage Daughter's Manual

Quote:
Originally Posted by floodcitygirl View Post
LOL! Thank God I have boys!!!!!
Fortunately for my mom she had 3 boys.
__________________

786 Ways To Score Touchdowns
SteelCityMan786 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2007, 12:31 PM   #4
stillers4me
Living Legend
 
stillers4me's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 8,670
Gender: Female
Member Number: 2656
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Teenage Daughter's Manual

I have one son but my sister is currently living in this nightmare world!!
__________________
"We're not going to turn our backs on him," Ward said. "We're going to treat him like our brother. We're going to accept him back and be very supportive of him and help him get through this. In this locker room, he's still our quarterback."
stillers4me is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 03:58 PM   #5
Dragon
Water Boy
 

Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Europe
Posts: 12
Gender: Female
Member Number: 2460
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Teenage Daughter's Manual

ROFL - I have one of them right now !!
Dragon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 04:15 PM   #6
BOXCAR JOEY
Bench Warmer
Supporter
 
BOXCAR JOEY's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Metuchen, NJ
Posts: 338
Gender: Male
Member Number: 3729
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Teenage Daughter's Manual

yikes! probably my worst fear ever.
__________________

WIN OR LOSE.........I still bleed black and gold.
Http://www.Myspace.com/Trappedinemerica
BOXCAR JOEY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 08:13 PM   #7
polamalufan43
Team President
 
polamalufan43's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Where the streets are paved in black and gold stones
Posts: 2,345
Member Number: 3344
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Teenage Daughter's Manual

My mom had to deal with me, and my grandma had to deal with three girls. And it makes me laugh because now I know how my mom felt on a daily basis...

~Polamalufan43
__________________
Harder the Conflict, Sweeter the Victory
Steelers 07
polamalufan43 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 08:45 PM   #8
SmallCheezFry
Water Boy
 
SmallCheezFry's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 19
Gender: Male
Member Number: 5034
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Teenage Daughter's Manual

Haha ... so True! Good one! :P
SmallCheezFry is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:53 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.0.8 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd. Runs best on HiVelocity Hosting.
Navbar with Avatar by Motorradforum
no new posts