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Old 03-17-2007, 10:09 AM   #11
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Default Re: French Rifles

George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Parisian sauna. Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound.

President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping stopped. The others looked curiously at him. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. "I have a microchip embedded under the skin of my forearm."

Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone ringing. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the ringing stopped. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. I have a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand.

"By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of low-tech. Without saying anything, he quickly scooted out of the sauna, but returned momentarily. When he returned, Bush and Blair both stared at him increduously.

It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Frenchman's posterior.

When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he feigned astonishment: "Marie sainte! I'm think I'm getting a fax."
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Old 03-17-2007, 03:58 PM   #12
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Talking Re: French Rifles


All of you:


LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 06-06-2007, 11:50 AM   #13
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Default Re: French Rifles

These are all great!!
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Old 06-06-2007, 04:23 PM   #14
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Default Re: French Rifles

Oh... French... Well their lack of military skill is well known:

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."

Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War: Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.

War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".

French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.

War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
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Old 06-06-2007, 04:25 PM   #15
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Old 06-09-2007, 12:44 PM   #16
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Default Re: French Rifles

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Holy s#*t. Man, you do hate those sorry a$$ Frenchmen. LMAO. Thanks. Those are new to me.
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Old 06-11-2007, 05:54 AM   #17
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Bump
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Old 06-11-2007, 10:40 PM   #18
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Default Re: French Rifles

haha thx Preach... we have to keep those French insults flying. Though i think this thread my hurt the success of the Steelers world thread lol
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Old 06-19-2007, 03:47 AM   #19
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Default Re: French Rifles

Sorry Busforever. I hope you understand this is just harmless fun.

French are arriving at night. http://www.un.org/Depts/dpko/photos/unifil/unifil020H.htm

French forces are directing evacuations. http://www.un.org/Depts/dpko/photos/unifil/unifil05.htm
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Old 06-19-2007, 04:13 AM   #20
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Default Re: French Rifles

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Sorry Busforever. I hope you understand this is just harmless fun.

French are arriving at night. http://www.un.org/Depts/dpko/photos/unifil/unifil020H.htm

French forces are directing evacuations. http://www.un.org/Depts/dpko/photos/unifil/unifil05.htm
You know, in reality...

I am really sick and tired of cleaning up France's screwups all over the world. WW1... Bailed out France, WWII, bailed out France, Vietnam, French screw up that we had to go in behind and try to forestall communist forces, Iran, the overthrow of the shah, etc. is all tied in with France... thank you France, Let us not forget the French building of a nuclear factory in Iraq, which the Israeli's so graciously destroyed. Oh yeah... who can forget Syria... which was a French colony... Wasn't the Angola problem French at heart as well?
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