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Old 04-24-2007, 05:57 AM   #1
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Default Never try and Fool the Wife

Okay...let me start by saying that ...I HATE WEDDINGS!!!!!...I dont dislike them...I am not annoyed when I have to go....I LOATHE weddings. I would rather go to my own funeral than attend a wedding. Dont get me wrong, when I have to go...(you know...when I cant think of an excuse to get out of ...lets say...my BROTHER getting married)....I man up, and I go.
HOWEVER...when I am asked to go to not only a wedding....but to a wedding for my wifes friend....a friend that she hasnt seen in 5 years...a friend who is marrying the biggest WEINIE in the world...I tend to balk.
Now...how do I know that this guy..whom I have never met is a weinie?...Good question!!..There are 365 days in the year. Out of those 365 days, there are ...lets say...5 days that one should never get married. 1) Superbowl Sunday...thats a gimme. 2) Christmas...although the idea of getting a two-for-one on gifts is appealing. 3) Her/His birthday...see #2. 4) Halloween...just dont go there. 5) DRAFT DAY!!! Yes!!! Mr. "Honey I wuv you so much I am willing to ruin the day for 50% of our guests"...let his wife... (did I mention that my wife hasnt seen her in 5 years?)...plan a wedding on draft day!!!
Well I could have whined and moaned about the unfairness of it all....so I did...and it didnt work, because my wifes LOVE of weddings rivals my own putrid...throbbing...hatred of the ceremony. So being the "Type A"...problem solving ...go-getter that I am...I came up with the perfect solutuion!
I am currently training a young lady at work with the I.Q of a garbanza bean (a story unto itself)...and that has put me significantly behind on paperwork and significant tasks. One of which is to randomly come in early or stay late to do QA (Quality Assurance) on second and third shifts...(Yea...your right...eat donuts and tell stories). With an admiral work ethic and a sense of responsibility...I told my supervisor that I probably need to come in early on Saturday morning and "work" until about 3 p.m. to get caught up.
With heavy (snicker) heart I informed my lovely wife of 16 years that I was greatly saddened by the fact that I wouldnt be able to go to this wedding that I was reaaaaaly looking forward to....Darn IT!!!
To which she ...with what I think was a smirk, ....a very smarmy smirk...NO...a very KNOWING smarmy smirk....said "No problem...the wedding starts at 4 p.m., I will put your suit in your car..and you can get ready at work...with the drive time, we will only miss about 15 minutes. Did I mention that she has had 16 years to figure me out?
So....I will get to follow the draft until 4 p.m., and then will be sitting a lovely church...watching a simply romantic wedding, between a beautiful bride and her weinie groom....with my arm around my wifes shoulder............and a radio earphone in my ear.
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Old 04-24-2007, 06:36 AM   #2
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

You could try catching the flu or something. That's what I'd do. Food poisoning would work too.
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Old 04-24-2007, 07:00 AM   #3
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

You poor man!

Good suggestions, PnP. A sudden bout of the dysentary usually makes for a good excuse too! Have a prune juice smoothie about an hour before quitting time.
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Old 04-24-2007, 08:02 AM   #4
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

I pray that you don't get caught with the earpiece in your ear.

Hopefully by then the Steelers would have made at least one selection for you to hear. But something tells me your wife isn't so behind on the troubles you would go through to watch the draft. Please give us the return results after the wedding (and hey don't forget about the reception too - LOL).
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Old 04-24-2007, 08:12 AM   #5
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

...all sympathy is duly noted and appreciated...
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Old 04-24-2007, 08:44 AM   #6
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

If you think that is bad... try officiating one where the bride is REAL picky. THAT is no treat either. :)
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Old 04-24-2007, 08:58 AM   #7
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

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If you think that is bad... try officiating one where the bride is REAL picky. THAT is no treat either. :)
LOL...I promise to go to 5 "picky bride" weddings in exchange for the draft day wedding....deal?
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Old 04-24-2007, 09:19 AM   #8
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

Wow that sucks dude

I would go on the internet and find the closes sports bar to the wedding
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Old 04-24-2007, 10:42 AM   #9
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by PisnNapalm View Post
You could try catching the flu or something. That's what I'd do. Food poisoning would work too.
Starting Saturday at 2:55 pm...I am fully prepared to make myself a syrup of Ipecac martini
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Old 04-24-2007, 12:19 PM   #10
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Default Re: Never try and Fool the Wife

have you considered faking your own death???
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