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Old 05-06-2007, 02:05 PM   #1
Livinginthe past
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Default The New England Awesomes

This is a post from a NY Jets message board - i'll admit some bits made me laugh.

As far as bitter, angry comedy goes this is pretty good.

Quote:
ATTENTION PEOPLE: As a result of recent events, there are going to be a few changes around this here National Football League. You all brought this on yourselves.

Effective immediately, the New England Patriots will no longer be known as the New England Patriots, but the New England Awesomes. Along those same lines, Robert and Jonathan Kraft will now be known as Robert Awesome and Jonathan Awesome.

Tom Brady will be known now as Hunky McFabulous, and he'll be throwing footballs this season to Randy Mawesome.

Tedy Bruschi's name will still be Tedy Bruschi - but so will yours.

Touchdowns will still be known as touchdowns, except when scored by the New England Awesomes, in which case they will be referred to as: "Of Courses." Fieldgoals will be worth seven points for the New England Awesomes, since they would have probably scored an Of Course if they really felt like it.

National Football League schedulers will be be revising the schedule to reflect that the New England Awesomes will play who they want, when they want, and where they want, and they will be on National television at all times. They will preempt whatever non-New England Awesome show is wasting everyone's time in that slot. Games won't just be limited to other NFL teams. Don't be surprised if your doorbell rings and you find the New England Awesomes out on your front porch ready to play, and CBS is trying to figure out how to hang a camera from your neighbor's cupola. Nor should you be surprised if, during the bye-week, the New England Awesomes conquer Liechtenstein just for fun.

In honor of this new arrangement, GIllette will announce a new razor - their third new one this week - and, thankfully, their last new razor ever. The new Gillette Awesome will look suspiciously like a plain ol' wooden stick, but when you hold it up to your face, the hair is mysteriously scared right down the sink. Don't even think about shaving your junk with this.


And remember, people, you asked for all this.
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They've been great for a while now, three Super Bowls' worth of great. But only this season have the New England Patriots become The Show, the must-see team of stars, pretty boys and reformed bad boys. Suddenly, the Patriots are not simply great; they're compelling, fascinating, appearing to be almighty and a touch lawless.
The Patriots didn't bother with swagger to start this NFL season; they went straight to defiant. Either you're one of them or you're about to get crushed.
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Old 05-06-2007, 04:05 PM   #2
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

I got a good laugh out of that, Nigel.

The New England Awesomes will still be coached, however, by the man now dubbed as "Awesome Dikhead".
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Old 05-06-2007, 04:14 PM   #3
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

LOL...that was creative.
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Old 05-06-2007, 04:18 PM   #4
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

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The New England Awesomes will still be coached, however, by the man now dubbed as "Awesome Dikhead".
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"We're not going to turn our backs on him," Ward said. "We're going to treat him like our brother. We're going to accept him back and be very supportive of him and help him get through this. In this locker room, he's still our quarterback."
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Old 05-06-2007, 04:56 PM   #5
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

It's going to be so much fun watching that team implode this year. The only thing better would be watching Robert Kraft get kicked in the crotch by a mule on steroids.
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Old 05-06-2007, 05:49 PM   #6
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

Not surprised...Randy Moss has been playing when and where he wants for years...must be contagious.
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Old 05-06-2007, 07:51 PM   #7
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

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Originally Posted by HometownGal View Post
I got a good laugh out of that, Nigel.

The New England Awesomes will still be coached, however, by the man now dubbed as "Awesome Dikhead".
Hey,

Anything that makes you happy make me happy..you know that.

Well apart from a Steeler victory over the Patriots

Bill's not such a bad guy - you'd love him if he was your coach
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They've been great for a while now, three Super Bowls' worth of great. But only this season have the New England Patriots become The Show, the must-see team of stars, pretty boys and reformed bad boys. Suddenly, the Patriots are not simply great; they're compelling, fascinating, appearing to be almighty and a touch lawless.
The Patriots didn't bother with swagger to start this NFL season; they went straight to defiant. Either you're one of them or you're about to get crushed.
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Old 05-06-2007, 08:20 PM   #8
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

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Originally Posted by HometownGal View Post
I got a good laugh out of that, Nigel.

The New England Awesomes will still be coached, however, by the man now dubbed as "Awesome Dikhead".
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Old 05-06-2007, 08:39 PM   #9
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

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Originally Posted by Livinginthe past View Post
Bill's not such a bad guy - you'd love him if he was your coach
I'd rather poke my eyes out with a fork if he were ever named the HC of the Steelers (well - after I poked his out first).
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Old 05-06-2007, 08:54 PM   #10
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Default Re: The New England Awesomes

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I'd rather poke my eyes out with a fork if he were ever named the HC of the Steelers (well - after I poked his out first).
Okay.

LOL
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They've been great for a while now, three Super Bowls' worth of great. But only this season have the New England Patriots become The Show, the must-see team of stars, pretty boys and reformed bad boys. Suddenly, the Patriots are not simply great; they're compelling, fascinating, appearing to be almighty and a touch lawless.
The Patriots didn't bother with swagger to start this NFL season; they went straight to defiant. Either you're one of them or you're about to get crushed.
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