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Old 06-25-2007, 01:21 PM   #11
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Default Re: Pac-Man Jones: 'I Will Be Nowhere Near Next Friday's Strip-Club Stabbing'

Originally Posted by onthebus36 View Post
The funny thing is, Pacman will be there anyway.
Yep, that's why they call the onion america's "finest" news source.

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Old 06-25-2007, 02:49 PM   #12
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Default Re: Pac-Man Jones: 'I Will Be Nowhere Near Next Friday's Strip-Club Stabbing'

Pacman Jones Unnerved By Sight Of Fully Clothed Woman


ATLANTA--Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam ?Pacman? Jones admitted to being ?weirded out? by a fully clothed woman he encountered at a convenience store in Atlanta early Monday morning. The woman, who wore a pair of loose fitting slacks and a sweater, refused to remove her clothing even after having a crumpled up hundred dollar bill thrown in her face.

?Man, that was weird,? Jones said after exiting the store. ?There was a lady behind the counter in there that was fully clothed, head to toe. You couldn?t see anything. So I said to her, ?Why you got all them clothes on?? And she said, ?Because it?s chilly in here.? Then I threw a hundred dollar bill at her and said, ?Hot enough for you now?? Then she picked the money up and handed it back to me. I guess she didn?t think it was enough. Pretty full of herself for a 60-year-old lady working at a gas station.?

Though it was not the first time in his life Jones had encountered a fully clothed woman, the experience did leave him a bit flummoxed.

?I?ve seen women with clothes on from time to time but this one took me off guard,? said Jones. ?I mean, she had so much stuff on. She looked like an Eskimo. And the attitude she gave me when I told her to strip?it was like I was the crazy one. Whatever. I?m going back to the club where things make sense. I'm telling you, if I see one fabric of clothing on any of those bitches I?m shooting up the joint, and no jury in the world will convict me.?

The woman behind the counter, who requested that her name not be used, called Jones a ?thug? and a ?weirdo? and admitted to being terrified when he pulled up with entourage.

?I have never, in all my years, been treated like that by anybody,? said the woman, 62. ?I knew he was up to no good when he pulled up in his big SUV with three other SUV?s behind him. Then he opened the door and a huge cloud of smoke poured out. He had a gun on him, too. It was tucked into the front of his pants. Talk about having no class. What is this guy, an NFL player??

When informed that Jones is an NFL player, the woman was not surprised.

?Oh, he was. I see. It all makes sense now,? she said. ?What? He was Pacman Jones? Oh, now it really makes sense. I suppose I should be thankful that I lived to tell about it. I thought he was some crazed, violent gang member. If I knew it was Pacman Jones I would have been terrified.?

Following the incident, Jones headed back to Club Blaze where he spent the previous night before getting involved in a shooting with members of his entourage. While waiting in the parking lot for the doors to open, he discussed the shooting.

?There was some dudes in here and they was talking to my girl and I had to put my foot down,? he said. ?I told them I was going to shoot them, as anyone in my situation would have done, and then they took off, so we followed them. It was no big deal really. We ended up pulling up next to them and opening fire on their truck. They fired back and that was that. I?m not even sure we broke the law.?

Once inside, Jones was back in his element.

?Home sweet home,? Jones said as he watched a dancer perform on the stage. ?See, this is the way it?s supposed to be. The bitches are naked, and they do whatever you tell them. Even the waitresses are kind of naked. I?ll have to sit here all day to forget about seeing that fully-clothed nut case at the gas station.?

Jones then threw a hundred dollar bill at a dancer, who responded in the traditional manner of putting her vagina in his face.


This is from thebrushback.com, a sports-related version of the onion.
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