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Old 11-08-2009, 09:23 AM   #1
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Talking Tough love 'is good for children'

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Tough love 'is good for children'

Children brought up according to "tough love" principles are more successful in life, according to a study.

The think tank Demos says a balance of warmth and discipline improved social skills more than an laissez-faire, authoritarian or disengaged upbringing.

It says children aged five with "tough love" parents were twice as likely to show good character capabilities.

Report author Jen Lexmond said: "It is confidence, warmth and consistent discipline that matter most."

Life chances

According to the report, qualities such as application, self-regulation and empathy were more likely to be developed in children whose parents employed a "tough love" approach.

It found that these qualities made "a vital contribution to life chances, mobility and opportunity".

The report said these characteristics were profoundly shaped in pre-school years.

The Building Character report analysed data from more than 9,000 households in the UK.

It found that children from the richest backgrounds were more than twice as likely to develop the key characteristics compared to those with the poorest origins.

Additionally, children whose parents were married were twice as likely to show such traits than children from lone parent or step-parented families, the report said.

But it added that when parental style and confidence were factored in, the difference in child character development between richer and poorer families disappeared.

The report concluded that this indicated that parenting was the most important influence - and the same result occurred when the family structure factor was analysed.

The report said that other positive influences included the main carer's level of education, and breast-feeding.

Girls were more likely to develop character capabilities by age five, while no connection was found between paid employment of either parent and children's characteristics.

The authors urged more support and information for families, and for children with disengaged or low-income parents to be given particular focus.

They recommended that the Government's Sure Start programme should be refocused as a tool for early intervention, with less emphasis on childcare and more on development; improved pilots for the Family Nurse Partnership; and for health visitors to be given an early years role to help with parenting.

'Ambitious agenda'

"There is some evidence that lower-income households face more difficulty in incubating these character capabilities," the report said.

"But the most important influence is the quality of parenting.

"Confident, skilful parents adopting a 'tough love' approach to parenting, balancing warmth with discipline, seem to be most effective in terms of generating these key character capabilities.

"An ambitious agenda for equality of opportunity will need to take the development of these capabilities seriously."

Ms Lexmond added: "Far from a 'soft' skill, character is integral to our future success and wellbeing."

Parentline Plus chief executive Jeremy Todd said the charity also supported the call for increased help for families.

But he said different children reacted differently to parenting styles.

"If we are to reduce the strangle hold of cycles of deprivation, the issue of how we support families to raise children must be grasped," Mr Todd added.

"We welcome this report and hope that it stimulates debate among policy makers around how best to support families to transform our society into one where we top the league tables for outcomes for children and well-being."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8348938.stm
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Old 11-08-2009, 09:29 AM   #2
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

Quote:
"Confident, skillful parents adopting a 'tough love' approach to parenting, balancing warmth with discipline, seem to be most effective in terms of generating these key character capabilities.
This is not rocket science friends, although you would think it was if you listen to some (though not all) libs.

Quote:
"There is some evidence that lower-income households face more difficulty in incubating these character capabilities," the report said.

"But the most important influence is the quality of parenting.
What? Quality parenting is most important?.......I thought all you needed was a village and someone else to pay for it....

btw, if taxes were lower, more parents could stay home and spend quality time parenting instead of being out working a 2nd job. (to pay those taxes).

Btw, Good post Mongol.
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Old 11-08-2009, 09:38 AM   #3
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

I was raised with "tough love", as were my kids and I instill the same principles with regard to my grandchildren, though my version of tough love doesn't include the wooden spoon, shoes, backscratchers, belts or anything that my Mom had at her disposal to beat my ass with or throw at me. I didn't realize until I became a parent myself that I deserved what I got.

I'm a firm believer in discipline. There is a HUGE difference between discipline and abuse and I see nothing wrong with whacking your kid on his/her hiney, hand, leg or a firm tap on the mouth when they act out or mouth off.
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Old 11-08-2009, 10:24 AM   #4
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

It is very important to set boundaries. If they are step over it is ytour job as a parent to drag them back and show them the line in the sand. I have 4 wonderful children. Ages 20 to 12 and i have never had a problem of taking them anywhere. I see so many parents when i go out to eat or out to the movies that let their kids run wild cause they do not want to deal with it. I have the power on the index finger on the leg and the look to get my point across. Hell i can give'em the look and they know. They also know that NO matter what (unless they want to tell me they stub their toe even thought i will listen but send them to bed) my door is open 24/7 365 days a year.I have also told them in deep down in the pit of their stomachs they start doing something and it feels wrong well more than likely it is. I have had my kids call me at parties and from friends house to pick them up.If you want to call it tough love so be it, but i call it LOVE because it never has been tough to love my children.
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Old 11-08-2009, 10:26 AM   #5
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

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Originally Posted by GBMelBlount View Post
This is not rocket science friends, although you would think it was if you listen to some (though not all) libs.



What? Quality parenting is most important?.......I thought all you needed was a village and someone else to pay for it....

btw, if taxes were lower, more parents could stay home and spend quality time parenting instead of being out working a 2nd job. (to pay those taxes).

Btw, Good post Mongol.
I think the cost of living has more to do with it. You can lower taxes, but the COL is constantly on the rise.
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Old 11-08-2009, 10:28 AM   #6
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

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Originally Posted by HometownGal View Post
I was raised with "tough love", as were my kids and I instill the same principles with regard to my grandchildren, though my version of tough love doesn't include the wooden spoon, shoes, backscratchers, belts or anything that my Mom had at her disposal to beat my ass with or throw at me. I didn't realize until I became a parent myself that I deserved what I got.

I'm a firm believer in discipline. There is a HUGE difference between discipline and abuse and I see nothing wrong with whacking your kid on his/her hiney, hand, leg or a firm tap on the mouth when they act out or mouth off.
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Old 11-08-2009, 11:45 AM   #7
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

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White parents, please beat your kids up when they mess things up.
We do.
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Old 11-08-2009, 11:56 AM   #8
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

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I think the cost of living has more to do with it. You can lower taxes, but the COL is constantly on the rise.
Higher taxes CAUSES inflation and increases the cost of living.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:09 PM   #9
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

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Higher taxes CAUSES inflation and increases the cost of living.

Cost of living is going to increase no matter what. Taxes have been lowered and raised for as many decades as we can count, yet the costs continue to rise.

Health care, insurance, utilities, you name it, its going up.

When I make 50, there's no telling what the cost of living will be.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:34 PM   #10
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Default Re: Tough love 'is good for children'

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Cost of living is going to increase no matter what.
Increasing taxes usually causes a greater rate of COL increase, ceteris paribus.

Just because the COL may go up regardless, does not mean that higher taxes don't negatively impact the COL. It means that it will likely increase at a greater rate AND people have less money left over (after taxes) to pay for the higher price of goods and services......
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