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Old 01-31-2006, 04:40 PM   #1
Sleepless In Seattle
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Default Joey Porter Facts



There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Joey Porter allows to live.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Joey Porter once and he will f**k you up.

Joey Porter has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Joey Porter is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Joey Porter.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Joey Porter walks.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Joey Porter out. It failed
miserably.

When Joey Porter sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Joey Porter has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Joey Porter once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Joey Porter won by 5.

There are no races, only countries of people Joey Porter has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Joey Porter falls in water, Joey Porter doesn't get wet. Water gets Joey Porter

Joey Porter's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through

Joey Porter doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Joey Porter can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Joey Porter has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears

Joey Porter doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Joey Porter throws down!

Joey Porter grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Joey Porter ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Little known medical fact: Joey Porter invented the Caesarean section when he kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Joey Porter doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Joey Porter lives in Pittsburgh.

Joey Porter can touch MC Hammer

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Joey Porter pajamas.

When Joey Porter does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Joey Porter can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night

If Joey Porter were a calendar, every month would be named Joeytober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Joey Porter was what Willis was talkin' about

Google won't search for Joey Porter because it knows you don't find Joey Porter, he finds you.

It is scientifically impossible for Joey Porter to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Joey Porter a giant meteor

Joey Porter is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Joey Porter is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When God said, "let there be light", Joey Porter said, "say 'please'

Joey Porter uses a night light. Not because Joey Porter is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Joey Porter.

Joey Porter once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Joey Porter doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Joey Porter will beat his ass and take it.

The First rule of Joey Porter is: you do not talk about Joey Porter.

If Joey Porter wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

Joey Porter doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares

Joey Porter doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer

When Joey Porter wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken

Joey Porter invented all 32 letters of the alphabet

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Joey Porter hears it. Joey Porter can hear everything. Joey Porter can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.


GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-31-2006, 04:55 PM   #2
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

Here are my favorites...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sleepless In Seattle
Joey Porter is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Joey Porter.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Joey Porter lives in Pittsburgh.

Joey Porter once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Joey Porter won by 5.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Joey Porter pajamas.

When God said, "let there be light", Joey Porter said, "say 'please'

Joey Porter doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer

When Joey Porter wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken
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Old 01-31-2006, 04:57 PM   #3
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

It's official,Joey Porter is officially the BIGGEST BADASS EVER!

Next person to get f--ked up?Matt Hasselbeck!
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Old 01-31-2006, 05:01 PM   #4
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

joey porter tried to kick ray lewis' ass outside the team bus after a game. he was on crutches and had a fresh bullet wound in his butt. lmao!
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Old 01-31-2006, 05:05 PM   #5
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

Yes Joey rocks, and should be re signed in a hurry!
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Old 01-31-2006, 05:12 PM   #6
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

Quote:
Originally Posted by tony hipchest
joey porter tried to kick ray lewis' ass outside the team bus after a game. he was on crutches and had a fresh bullet wound in his butt. lmao!
It was after the game that Lewis got a sack and did Joey's "kick" celebration... rumor has it Ray Ray didn't get off the bus.
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Old 01-31-2006, 05:24 PM   #7
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

Quote:
Originally Posted by BB2W
It was after the game that Lewis got a sack and did Joey's "kick" celebration... rumor has it Ray Ray didn't get off the bus.
while established, porter officially became a steeler that day, and assumed the role of tough guy lb paved by the likes of lambert and lloyd. bonus points for socking w. green and pushing down t. heap on a totally legal play i.e. doing his job.
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Old 01-31-2006, 05:53 PM   #8
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

lol nice rewording of the chuck norris list.
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Old 01-31-2006, 06:09 PM   #9
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

Remember Chuck is watching!
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Old 01-31-2006, 06:13 PM   #10
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Default Re: Joey Porter Facts

Cause he never blinks... NEVER!
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