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September 7, 2014, 1:00pmET

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Old 04-28-2010, 08:16 PM   #1
tony hipchest
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Default shitmydadsays

has anyone heard of this? i just found it and its pretty funny. appearantly the dudes twitter has already landed him a published book and a pilot for a tv show w/ william shatner playing his dad. i guess its so funny and popular cause so many can relate-

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

Name Justin
Web http://www.shitmy...
Bio I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says


."Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."

"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My weenie is huge before you screw. Even if you're right you sound like an asshole."

"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a freakin Honda Accord."

"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."

"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has freakin people' down to a science, like they practice it in a freakin lab on mice first."

"I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the hell you think, son? I exercised."

"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor."

“Calm down. You don’t just grab a ruler and tell everyone to whip their weenies out. You stuff your crotch and keep your pants on

"Sprain, huh? Did you go to medical school?... Well I did, so spare me your dog-shit diagnosis and lemme look at your ankle."

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

"Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

"I hate paying bills... Son, don't say "me too." I didn't say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of "go away."

"You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time."

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."


theres alot more. nice read for a quick laugh.
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Last edited by HometownGal; 04-29-2010 at 07:23 AM. Reason: You know better than to post the F word.
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Old 04-28-2010, 08:37 PM   #2
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Default Re: shitmydadsays

The 1st and last one are priceless...
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Old 04-28-2010, 08:41 PM   #3
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Default Re: shitmydadsays

Quote:
Originally Posted by tony hipchest View Post

."Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."

"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My weenie is huge before you screw. Even if you're right you sound like an asshole."

"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a freakin Honda Accord."

"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."

"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has freakin people' down to a science, like they practice it in a freakin lab on mice first."

"I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the hell you think, son? I exercised."

"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor."

“Calm down. You don’t just grab a ruler and tell everyone to whip their weenies out. You stuff your crotch and keep your pants on

"Sprain, huh? Did you go to medical school?... Well I did, so spare me your dog-shit diagnosis and lemme look at your ankle."

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

"Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

"I hate paying bills... Son, don't say "me too." I didn't say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of "go away."


"You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time."

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."


theres alot more. nice read for a quick laugh.



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Last edited by HometownGal; 04-29-2010 at 07:22 AM. Reason: Removed offensive language
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Old 04-29-2010, 07:12 AM   #4
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Default Re: shitmydadsays

Yes, I've been reading this for a while... stuff you really can't make up. Not even you, Tony.
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Old 04-29-2010, 07:16 AM   #5
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Default Re: shitmydadsays

Here's another one I came across... Sleep Talking Man

http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

All things he says in his sleep. Some pretty good stuff there, too.
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