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Old 03-21-2006, 06:52 PM   #1
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Default excuses for not going to work

"I was abducted by aliens..."
When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, hiring managers shared some of their favorite examples:

? "I'm too drunk to drive to work."

? "I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet."

? "I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (Employee was not in the medical profession.)

? "I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened."

? "My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home."

? "I'm too fat to get into my work pants."

? "God didn't wake me." (Employee didn't believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.)

? "I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor."

? "The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."

? "I forgot I was getting married today."

? "My cow bit me."

? "My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."

? "I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself."

? "I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back."

? "My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in."
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Old 03-21-2006, 07:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

"I'm not coming in today".......*click*

Always works for me.
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Old 03-21-2006, 08:18 PM   #3
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

A friend of mine that I used to work with was always calling off work because he was hungover or lazy, but he would come up with some crazy excuses. Our boss liked him and I think he wanted to beleive him... so he cut him some slack.

After about a year of this his excuses had him living a lie at work... he told them stuff like his grandmother died, he got a DUI, he wrecked his car, and many more. Once he had totally used up every excuse in the book, and he couldn't take living a lie while at work... He spilled his guts to our boss and came clean.

He was late for work and our boss was calling him and when he answered the phone he said something like...

"Mike... I'm too hungover to work, and I gotta tell you truth. I'm a raging alcoholic, and pretty much everytime I've called off was because I was hungover. I've been drinking since I got off work yesterday and I've only had two hours of sleep. I'm such a loser... I'm 23 years old and I live in my parents basement. I'm sorry."

He made it in to work the next day but they "had to let him go". They called him into the office and gave him a brochure on alcoholism with info on a nearby alcohol treatment center.

Funny story... but it's better if my friend Austin, or our old boss tells it.
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Old 03-21-2006, 08:25 PM   #4
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

Quote:
Originally Posted by BB2W
A friend of mine that I used to work with was always calling off work because he was hungover or lazy, but he would come up with some crazy excuses. Our boss liked him and I think he wanted to beleive him... so he cut him some slack.

After about a year of this his excuses had him living a lie at work... he told them stuff like his grandmother died, he got a DUI, he wrecked his car, and many more. Once he had totally used up every excuse in the book, and he couldn't take living a lie while at work... He spilled his guts to our boss and came clean.

He was late for work and our boss was calling him and when he answered the phone he said something like...

"Mike... I'm too hungover to work, and I gotta tell you truth. I'm a raging alcoholic, and pretty much everytime I've called off was because I was hungover. I've been drinking since I got off work yesterday and I've only had two hours of sleep. I'm such a loser... I'm 23 years old and I live in my parents basement. I'm sorry."

He made it in to work the next day but they "had to let him go". They called him into the office and gave him a brochure on alcoholism with info on a nearby alcohol treatment center.

Funny story... but it's better if my friend Austin, or our old boss tells it.
To tell you the truth, the way things are now, your buddy could have sued the company and won...actually won BIG. It's now the job of the company that employs the guy to make sure that if he's an alcoholic, he gets treatment and rehab and a fair shake at his job after the treatment is done.

It's incredibly wrong, but....well, it is what it is.
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Old 03-21-2006, 08:40 PM   #5
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

Quote:
Originally Posted by Suitanim
To tell you the truth, the way things are now, your buddy could have sued the company and won...actually won BIG. It's now the job of the company that employs the guy to make sure that if he's an alcoholic, he gets treatment and rehab and a fair shake at his job after the treatment is done.

It's incredibly wrong, but....well, it is what it is.
Wow... we had no idea. We just thought he was such a loser that he deserved to be fired. I don't think he wanted his job anymore but I'll have to tell him. It was a job at a local lawn care company and I'm not sure those guys do things like the rest of the business world, and I doubt they know the rules. It was a pretty shady opperation.
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Old 03-21-2006, 08:46 PM   #6
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

Quote:
Originally Posted by BB2W
Wow... we had no idea. We just thought he was such a loser that he deserved to be fired. I don't think he wanted his job anymore but I'll have to tell him. It was a job at a local lawn care company and I'm not sure those guys do things like the rest of the business world, and I doubt they know the rules. It was a pretty shady opperation.
Landscaping?

Forget it. There's probably no record of him anywhere. Landscapers are notorious for keeping whole stables of under the table employees.
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Old 03-21-2006, 09:36 PM   #7
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

There is always the "Rectal - Cranium" excuse....

When you call your boss and say "I can't see my a** coming in to work today!"
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Old 03-21-2006, 11:38 PM   #8
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

Quote:
Originally Posted by Suitanim
To tell you the truth, the way things are now, your buddy could have sued the company and won...actually won BIG. It's now the job of the company that employs the guy to make sure that if he's an alcoholic, he gets treatment and rehab and a fair shake at his job after the treatment is done.

It's incredibly wrong, but....well, it is what it is.
Think it would work if I called in tomorrow and explained that I've been a black & gold junkie for years and was up all night watching, and rewatching, my Steelers DVD, and I won't be coming to work? I'm also experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms as I detox during the offseason.

They can't discriminate can they? I have a "disease."
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Old 03-22-2006, 11:46 AM   #9
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattsMe
Think it would work if I called in tomorrow and explained that I've been a black & gold junkie for years and was up all night watching, and rewatching, my Steelers DVD, and I won't be coming to work? I'm also experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms as I detox during the offseason.

They can't discriminate can they? I have a "disease."
No they can't discriminate. They have to send you to Rehab. While in there they will have you watching, and rewatching a fake dvd of the cleavland clowns winning the Super Bowl with Big Ben.
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Old 03-22-2006, 07:11 PM   #10
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Default Re: excuses for not going to work

"I was watching the Steeler game." can be a valid excuse in some companies in Pittsburgh. Likley, your boss won't come in either.
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