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Old 01-26-2011, 10:22 PM   #1
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Default The Terrible Towel Is "Terribly Stupid"

By Clay Travis. The Terrible Towel was "invented" by Myron Cope. Of course, how someone can be credited with "inventing" an object that already exists is beyond me. If I raise a fork or a microwave above my head and then twirl it around stupidly, can I be credited with inventing the Terrible Fork or the Terrible Microwave? Evidently so ... at least in Pittsburgh. Meaning you've already learned something in this column before we finish the first paragraph. The fount of creativity in Pittsburgh? Taking something that already exists and waving it around your head. Voila, you're a brilliant inventor.

Talk to any Steelers fan for more than three minutes and they'll mention their stupid towel. The yellow towels that they twirl above their head like rhythmic gymnasts from Moldova hoping to be rescued via airlift from behind the Iron Curtain in 1985. The stupid yellow towels that block your view if you're at the game and disintegrate, slowly, into tiny pin pricks of towel dust that inevitably get lodged in your eyes until you can't really see anything at the game. When you point out how stupid the towel is, and make no mistake it's incredibly stupid, Steeler fans get emotional.

-- David Whitley on why the Cheesehead stinks compared to the Terrible Towel
How dare you insult the towel, they say, dabbing their eyes with the towel? Yep, the towel's more important to Pittsburgh than the two other things that most characterize the city: 1. the three dirty rivers that surround the Steel City and 2. all the fans fleeing it for better places to live. (The reason people think there are so many Steeler fans in the country isn't because there are so many, it's because everyone leaves Pittsburgh the moment they have the opportunity to live anywhere else).

Criticize the towel and inevitably Steeler fans will mention that it was invented in 1975. When you point out that it's not fair to say that the towel was invented -- after all, I believe people have been getting dry using towels in years that predated 1975 -- Steeler fans will get as rough as Ben Roethlisberger in a college bar bathroom after two beers. They'll bristle, bow up to you, "Myron Cope is dead," the Steeler fan will say. "You're a jerk."

Myron Cope, towel "inventor," is, in fact, dead. That's true and sad. But it's not necessarily unexpected. So far, after all, death is, like the 1972 Miami Dolphins, undefeated. To Steeler fans, Cope's death means you can't criticize his towel "invention."

This argument might be even dumber than the towel ... which is saying something. All inventors die. When someone stuck in an airport on a flight delay remarks, "Man, flying sucks," do fellow travelers immediately respond, "Orville and Wilbur Wright are dead! You're a jerk!." Of course, not.

The death of the inventor isn't usually connected to your opinion of the invention. Except in Pittsburgh. Steeler fans will accuse you of speaking ill of the dead when you criticize Cope's towel. So let me be clear about this: Myron Cope, R.I.P., your towel is stupid.

What's more, the towel offers no connection to the city of Pittsburgh. The towel says nothing unique about what it means to live in Pittsburgh, say, instead of Baltimore. (Although Ravens fans might well argue, accurately, mind you, that Pittsburgh is dirty and in need of a good cleansing. Hence, the towel is the perfect representation of Pittsburgh). Excepting filth, any city could stupidly wave a towel above its collective head and the towels would mean just as much. If a city is going to embrace a symbol for its football team, that symbol needs to evoke a connection with the city or state.

Need an example?

In this year's Super Bowl many Green Bay Packer fans will wear cheeseheads. I actually like this because the cheeseheads are a unique symbol of Wisconsin's image as a dairy state. The cheesehead both mythologizes and mocks national perception of Wisconsin. It's a winking irony, and it's funny. Most important, it's directly connected to the state. That's why my misguided colleague David Whitley, probably taking breaks from writing his column to wave a pen above his head -- look a Terrible Pen! -- is so fundamentally wrong in his derogation of the cheesehead. That's a symbol that means something.

The Terrible Towel means nothing. It's the dumbest, most absurd symbol in all of professional sports. The only thing dumber than the Terrible Towel? People who take offense when the towel is disrespected. Seriously, there are people who do this.

For instance, god forbid you pull a Keith Bulluck, step on the towel, and have the absolute temerity to make a terrible towel dirty. No, no, no, even though a towel exists, principally, to remove dirt, debris, or wetness from the human body, the Terrible Towel must be treated as a modern day shroud of Turin, a relic of Pittsburgh football life. Steeler fans will take offense if you don't wake up every morning and genuflect in the direction of the towel.

That's why this Super Bowl, I'm rooting for Aaron Rodgers to perfect a new touchdown celebration. Instead of putting on the championship belt, he should take another page from the pro wrestling handbook. On the final Super Bowl touchdown he scores, the one that will give the Packers a double-digit lead and send Pittsburgh fans streaming back to their dirty city with towels hanging limply by their sides, Rodgers should use the towel in his victory celebration.

Instead of putting on the championship belt, he should lift the Terrible Towel high above his head like a championship belt. Turning to all four corners of the stadium, he should play to the Packer faithful, a cheeshead clad army. Then he should yank both ends of the towel simultaneously until that stupid Terrible Towel rips in half.

He can give the pieces of the towel to a Packer fan. Use it to dust to off the cheesehead

I hate to post something negative, but This is the most absurd article I've ever read. I wonder what Myron would have said if he was still alive.
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Old 01-26-2011, 10:26 PM   #2
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Default Re: The Terrible Towel Is "Terribly Stupid"

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Old 01-26-2011, 10:31 PM   #3
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Default Re: The Terrible Towel Is "Terribly Stupid"

I read this earlier. If you vote in the poll, you'll see 61% of people are more annoyed by the cheesehead.
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Old 01-26-2011, 11:24 PM   #4
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Default Re: The Terrible Towel Is "Terribly Stupid"

Originally Posted by Deserei90 View Post
By Clay Travis.

Need an example?

In this year's Super Bowl many Green Bay Packer fans will wear cheeseheads. I actually like this because the cheeseheads are a unique symbol of Wisconsin's image as a dairy state. The cheesehead both mythologizes and mocks national perception of Wisconsin. It's a winking irony, and it's funny. Most important, it's directly connected to the state. That's why my misguided colleague David Whitley, probably taking breaks from writing his column to wave a pen above his head -- look a Terrible Pen! -- is so fundamentally wrong in his derogation of the cheesehead. That's a symbol that means something.

clay davis's wrinkled, skanky ass mom-

clay davis = idiot extraordinaire.
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Old 01-26-2011, 11:46 PM   #5
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Default Re: The Terrible Towel Is "Terribly Stupid"

That's ok...the response was funny enough.

Terrible Towel Wipes Up Cheeseheads
By David Whitley

In the long-awaited Super Bowl matchup between Cheeseheads and Terrible Towels, set aside your allegiance for a moment and ask yourself a simple question.

If you were inventing a merchandising gimmick, what do you think customers would prefer: An easily transportable item they could use to wave, wipe their seats, warm their hands, wash their cars and flag down help in case of emergency?

Or one that makes them look like the victim of a fraternity prank?

If you went with the first option, congratulations! You are a person of style, common sense and decency.

If you went with the second, you are from Sheboygan, Kenosha or Muskego and have a cholesterol level approximately 10 times higher than your IQ.

Unless you bow three times a day toward Vince Lombardi's grave, you would never voluntarily go out in public with a foam-rubber cheese wedge on your head. If Lombardi were still alive, even he would probably laugh at you. I realize them's fighting words for Packers fans, but I'm on your side here.

I like cheese. I'm all for expressing love for your team. I just hate to see you lose your dignity in the process.

And for your own protection, please don't mess with the Terrible Towel. Those who do tend to come back as ****roaches or Bengals fans in their next lives.

I can't explain such cosmic powers. I just know the Gods don't offer the same protection to cheddar-headed Packers fans. They simply can't be worried with defending the nobility of a woman wearing a cheese bra.

That's right, a cheese bra. It's one of the many spinoffs of the original cheesehead, which was actually sort of clever.

The snotty people from Illinois used the term as an insult toward Wisconsinites. So a guy cut a foam-rubber wedge out of his mother's couch, burned some holes in it and painted it yellow. He wore it to a Brewers' game in 1987.

A movement was born. Now it has turned into a marketing monster. Besides heads, you can now order cheese caps, sombreros, necklaces, earrings, bowties, blankets, Frisbees, erasers, dice, butt cushions, key chains, toilet seats and women's undergarments.

I'm all for state pride. But unless Victoria's Secret comes out with a Dairy Product line, it's unlikely an NFL quarterback will ever marry a cheese model. Though Brett Favre might text one.

The Terrible Towel is so much nobler. Pittsburgh radio announcer Myron Cope came up with the concept in 1975, helping wave in the Steelers' dynasty. There have been a few commercial off-shoots, but the Towel has maintained its majesty.

Terrible Towels have been on the International Space Station and to the top of Mt. Everest. When you think of towels, you conjure visions of a leggy woman -- or man, if you prefer -- coming out of a shower with one clinging to their steamed-up body.

When you think of cheese, you think of Tony Siragusa pouring a pound of melted queso over a pile of nachos.

When Cope died in 2008, mourners observed a minute of silent towel-waving. He'd long since given Terrible Towel marketing rights to the Allegheny Valley School, which cares for mentally and physically disabled children. The school has gotten more than $2.2 million from Towel proceeds over the years.

Such gestures are why you just don't mess with the Terrible Towel. Just the recent examples:

2008 – The Titans stepped on one during a 31-14 win. They then lost eight straight games, at which point some Tennessee players autographed a Terrible Towel and mailed it to a Pittsburgh charity. The Titans won their next five games.

2009 – Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon handed Cardinals mascot Big Red a Terrible Towel at the team's Super Bowl sendoff rally. Big Red wiped his armpits and blew his nose with it. The Steelers won, 27-23.

2011 – Jets fans stomped on Terrible Towels before Sunday's AFC Championship Game. We all know how that one came out.

In this battle of iconic marketing items, Cheeseheads should just go ahead and throw in the towel. But in a diplomatic nod to Green Bay's place in NFL history, the Terrible Towel might have one more use in a couple of weeks.

The Steelers can use one to polish their newest Vince Lombardi Trophy. Let's see them try that with a wedge of cheese.

Look at these eyebrows. These are attack eyebrows! They could take off bottle caps!
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Old 01-28-2011, 11:03 PM   #6
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Default Re: The Terrible Towel Is "Terribly Stupid"

If you are a struggling writer and want to get a huge massive response to an otherwise dumb article..bag on Pittsburgh,the Steelers or the Terrible Towel. I promise you, you'll get hits.You'll get plenty of reads and bring up plenty of discussion. And much like an infant child found screaming for attention in a crowed Nashville Waffle House,you'll get plenty of glares and attention until your parents shut you the hell up.

All of his writings sound the same. He did it earlier this year by attacking another large and loyal fan base, the University of Alabama and their fans.

So to you Clay Travis, the disbarred Attorney-cum Hack Sportswriter for the Titans, you got yourself some needed attention. All you need to do now is claim that thousands of Steeler fans are somehow making your life unbearable by making threats to you.
BTW, how's that coaching change is Nashville working out for you?
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Old 01-30-2011, 10:46 AM   #7
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Default Re: The Terrible Towel Is "Terribly Stupid"

Sad part is, that Clay idiot is a Sportscaster from Trashville, Tn.

It's not just Steeler Football, it's a way of Life! "I'm a Champion"
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