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Old 05-09-2006, 03:31 PM   #1
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Default Man Code ( joke )

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.

2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits. Forever.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe
scale.

7. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator
is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional
and slightly gay.

9. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy
is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal
is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

10. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
permission and he in return is required to grant it.

11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a
buffalo wing clean.

12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'.

13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

14. A man must never own just a cat. A dog and a cat, marginally
acceptable. But never just a cat.

15. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel... and it's free.

16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

17. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his
actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

19. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

20. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may
not join him... too gay.
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Old 05-09-2006, 03:42 PM   #2
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

My friends have birthdays?

21. A phone conversation may not last longer than five minutes with an addtion minute alotted for every month you have not contacted each other.

22. Conversations between men in person may not exceed past the limit of ten minutes unless you or them or both of you are under the influence.

BuFu
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Old 05-09-2006, 03:47 PM   #3
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.


so very true!
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Old 05-09-2006, 05:08 PM   #4
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

I think there is a website devoted to these and there are over 100 rules.

My personal favorite (which a good friend broke!!):

"If you have a ticket to a sporting event and take your girlfriend over your buddy, said buddy is allowed to bang your mother for the duration of the event. "

A group of friends + girlfriends went to PennState a few years back (my friend & I are alumni) and it was that big Nebraska night game. We were all tailgating and then were going to try and scalp tickets. Well, turns out a mutual friend got us two tickets (for my buddy and I). Here, my buddy gets them and immediately offers it to his girlfriend. I was like "What the hell, man??!! She doesn't even like football and this is the biggest PSU game in years!!!"

Well, as I fumed in the parking lot, PSU proceeded to open a can of whoop ass on top ranked Nebraska and I never let my friend live it down. He regrets the decision to this day...(And yes, they broke up eventually)
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Old 05-09-2006, 05:54 PM   #5
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammer67
I think there is a website devoted to these and there are over 100 rules.

My personal favorite (which a good friend broke!!):

"If you have a ticket to a sporting event and take your girlfriend over your buddy, said buddy is allowed to bang your mother for the duration of the event. "

A group of friends + girlfriends went to PennState a few years back (my friend & I are alumni) and it was that big Nebraska night game. We were all tailgating and then were going to try and scalp tickets. Well, turns out a mutual friend got us two tickets (for my buddy and I). Here, my buddy gets them and immediately offers it to his girlfriend. I was like "What the hell, man??!! She doesn't even like football and this is the biggest PSU game in years!!!"

Well, as I fumed in the parking lot, PSU proceeded to open a can of whoop ass on top ranked Nebraska and I never let my friend live it down. He regrets the decision to this day...(And yes, they broke up eventually)
so did you bang his mom?
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Old 05-09-2006, 06:36 PM   #6
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

i had an ex girlfriendask me what i wanted for my b-day.i told her 2 tickets to the dover race. she said "i don't wanna go see a stupid race"... i said " i wasn't planning on taking you"....
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Old 05-09-2006, 06:40 PM   #7
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

Quote:
Originally Posted by tony hipchest
so did you bang his mom?

I spared myself the agony! The code only says you have the right to!

But...his mom is hot...
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Old 05-09-2006, 06:41 PM   #8
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

If you are in the Mens room and their are 4 urinals and someone is at the first one, you CANNOT use the second one, not when there are others available farther down the row.
this is an unspoken man rule that is universally known, and when it is violated, theres going to be a problem.
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Old 05-09-2006, 09:55 PM   #9
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

another mens room rule:

when you are in one stall and the guy in the stall next to you does a wicked, long, loud, wet fart while cutting one, you cant giggle, no matter how hard you want to.
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Old 05-09-2006, 09:58 PM   #10
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Default Re: Man Code ( joke )

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3 to be 4
another mens room rule:

when you are in one stall and the guy in the stall next to you does a wicked, long, loud, wet fart while cutting one, you cant giggle, no matter how hard you want to.
*trying to contain a chuckle*
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