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Old 07-15-2006, 05:07 PM   #1
SteelersMongol
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Default Crazy Bengals writer

I don't think if this was posted, or not. But you guys can read it from here if you didn't.

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http://www.bengalszone.com/article.php?sid=424
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Big Ben Blesses World With Interview

July 13, 2006
Written by Jason Wainscott

The Pittsburgh Post Gazette can call me crazy, fine, but I just can’t stand Ben Roethlisberger. HairOnFire beat me to the punch a bit, but I just can’t help myself. I’ve watched his interview, and I’m certain at what he was getting at, and after a further review of the transcript, I think I’m ready to ascertain what he was actually saying...

What he said: "They told me that I was literally seconds, maybe a minute away from dying because I slit a vein or artery in my mouth or my throat and it was draining blood right into my stomach and luckily the paramedic noticed it and stopped it or else I would have had too much blood in my stomach,"

What he was thinking: You heard that right, I’m so tough, only my own blood can kill me, and even that wasn’t enough. I’m like a piece of iron. A good looking, tough piece of iron.

What he said: “I was seconds, maybe a minute away from dying.”

What he was thinking: You should all rejoice in the news that Big Ben is alive and well. I’m the best and toughest human on Earth, bow son of Jor El, kneel before Zod.

What he said: "I remember very few things about the accident,"

What he was thinking: So stop asking me about it, jerk. All I remember is I was admiring myself in my bike’s rearview mirror when some car came out of nowhere and hit me in the face. I was not scared or hurt, just kind of surprised that someone would hit something as beautiful as my face. Did I mention I’m the best?

What he said: “I don't remember the car that hit me”

What he was thinking: But luckily the completely normal and mentally-balanced group that makes up Steeler Nations does, and they are going to **** her up. Our fans are the best, they’re not crazy or psychotic like those Bengals fans who were saying really bad things about me on that internet. That hurt my feelings at first, but then I recognized that people in Cincinnati must be crazy because no one in their right could not like me. I’m perfect. Seriously, how great am I? Go ahead, you can tell me again.

What he said: "I remember one car turning in front of me, I don't remember the car that hit me, but I remember that first car turning in front of me and the next thing I remember is being in the ambulance and asking, 'Is this really happening?”

What he was thinking: And do I still look good? I mean I know I do, but I need some confirmation here because I just hit my beautiful face on the windshield of a car. It kind of hurt, but I’m tough, so I can take it, but I need someone to tell me I still look good.


What he said: "I said, 'Tell me this is just a bad dream,' and he said, 'No, everything is going to be OK,' and he asked me, 'Is there anyone you want me to call?”

What he was thinking: ...uh yeah, line up Jim Rome so I can give an interview and tell everybody I’m still great. I need to reassure everybody about how great I am. I’m Ben Frickin’ Roethlisberger, half man, half amazing.

What he said: "That day I wasn't, I forgot it. I literally forgot it. You know there are times that, people that have been making a big deal for the last couple years about me riding first of all, and then me riding without a helmet, but it's one of those things that I ride with a helmet also. I do a little bit of both. If you don't wear a seat belt every time you ride in the car should I label you as a person who doesn't wear a seat belt?”

What he was thinking: If Big Ben wants to wear a helmet, Big Ben will wear a helmet. I make the calls, you hear me? I call the plays, I call the audibles, I call the wear-or-not-wear-the-helmet-plays, I’m Ben Roethlisberger, I don’t wear helmets, or seat belts, or condoms, I'm way to pretty for that stuff. I’m so awesome I don’t even need helmets and seats belts and condoms.

What he said: And unfortunately I happened to not have it on that day because I forgot it in the basement."

What he was thinking: ...uh yeah, the dog ate it, that’s right, my dog ate my helmet. And who in their right mind would put a helmet on if they looked like me. God, I’m good looking. Hey everybody, come see how good I look!!

What he said: "I don't know. I am not even thinking about that right now,"

What he was thinking: Look pal, I’m going to ride my bikes. I’m going to wrestle alligators, skydive sans helmet, skinny dip and fly F-16s because I’m Big Ben, you hear me? I’m Ben Frickin Roethlisberger. I won one for (my allegedly injured) thumb. Seriously, I’m probably the greatest quarterback of all time, maybe even the best human being ever. Did I tell you I invented the cotton gin?

What he said: "To me, right now, like I said when I first started thinking about things, I started thinking about my family. Now that I am doing better and I feel good, now all I am thinking about is football and that is what is on my mind right now. I am getting healthy and I am getting better every day so all I am thinking about is football. I am not thinking about anything else."

What he was thinking: Except for how good looking I am. Not even hitting my face with a car could take away from how good looking I am. I’m so cool...and good looking, did I mention how good looking I am? Look at me.

I don’t know about you all, but I think Ben Roethlisberger is kind of full of himself.

Who Dey
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Old 07-15-2006, 05:29 PM   #2
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

And,...so,...like,.... what's the problem ? LMAO (Shaking head) Those wacky Bungles,......


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Old 07-15-2006, 05:33 PM   #3
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

Yawn. Mind reading is soooooo pass? these days.
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Old 07-15-2006, 05:33 PM   #4
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

someones got to much time on their hands to write down that shit
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Old 07-15-2006, 05:53 PM   #5
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

Quote:
The Pittsburgh Post Gazette can call me crazy, fine, but I just can?t stand Ben Roethlisberger.


I can understand why he couldn't like a QB that consistantly punks his team. Keep on hating whodey, and we will keep on kickin your azz!
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Old 07-15-2006, 06:02 PM   #6
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

Quote:
What he said: And unfortunately I happened to not have it on that day because I forgot it in the basement."

What he was thinking: ...uh yeah, the dog ate it, that’s right, my dog ate my helmet. And who in their right mind would put a helmet on if they looked like me. God, I’m good looking. Hey everybody, come see how good I look!!

You know he had to be contemplating saying that at the time.

It's a nice light-hearted article, take it for what it's worth. Pretty funny actually.
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Old 07-15-2006, 06:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

I think this guy has a secret crush on Ben. That's the only possible explanation.

I understand their need to rip on Ben, I really do, but this is one poor attempt. You want to make fun of Ben, fine, make fun of his poor QB rating in the Super Bowl. Make fun of the beard he sported during the playoffs. Call him stupid for not wearing a helmet. Those things actually have some basis in reality. But this guy is really reaching with his article, and just like his team, he came up short.

I'm just pissed I wasted a minute of my life reading it. Bengal fans should be embarassed to have this guy associated with their team.

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Old 07-15-2006, 06:30 PM   #8
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattsMe
I'm just pissed I wasted a minute of my life reading it. Bengal fans should be embarassed to have this guy associated with their team.
I feel the same way. I can't believe I just wasted a part of my life readin that.

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Old 07-15-2006, 06:31 PM   #9
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

Quote:
Originally Posted by CantStop85

You know he had to be contemplating saying that at the time.

It's a nice light-hearted article, take it for what it's worth. Pretty funny actually.
nice light-hearted = moronic???
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Old 07-15-2006, 06:51 PM   #10
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Default Re: Crazy Bengals writer

This guy is waaay off base. Ben's a good QB, but he isn't very handsome at all ...
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