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Old 08-08-2006, 10:20 PM   #1
Lyn
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Default Doctor's Notes

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio,TX
************************************************** ***************


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"
I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorse the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle,WA
************************************************** ****************


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. SusanSteinberg, Manitoba,Canada
************************************************** ****************

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover
your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester,MA
************************************************** *************

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk,VA
************************************************** *****************

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis,OR
************************************************** ************

I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see
the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit,MI
************************************************** ****************


A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
************************************************** ****************

and finally...

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you! u?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't admit his name
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Old 08-08-2006, 10:30 PM   #2
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(lol) Good to have you here, Lyn!!!
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Old 08-09-2006, 02:28 AM   #3
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Default Re: Doctor's Notes

Ha ha ha. Thanks. Great! More points.
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Old 08-10-2006, 02:33 PM   #4
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These are great!
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Old 08-10-2006, 02:47 PM   #5
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LMAO....

God bless ya Lyn!!!!

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Old 08-11-2006, 11:03 AM   #6
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Default Re: Doctor's Notes

Quote:
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
LMFAO!!!
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